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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not allow my child to go to a football parade on a week night during SATs week?

474 replies

TheDetective · 11/05/2013 19:28

I'm being called all the names under the sun by my ex, and DS1 is sulking and barely speaking to me.

I just found out tonight that Ex DP is planning to take DS1 to watch the Man United parade on Monday night. It is 6-7.30pm, and is 25 miles from home.

Any other school night I'd be fine with this. But not during SATs week, which it is next week.

I've said he can't go. He's worked hard for these exams, his sets for high school depend on the outcome of them. I just want to do what is best for DS.

I've rang my mum, his headteacher, to ask her opinion in case I am being unreasonable. She is furious that ex thinks this is even a good idea.

This is his dads reply by text 'you too are pathetic when he rebels against you youve only yourself to blame'. And 'Like I said pathetic'. Followed by 'just wait promise you he will rebel he already can't wait to get out of mums school I will laugh my ass off'. Those are his exact words by the way, not my typos.

I want my son to do well. I hope I am not being unreasonable.

It's not like utd don't have a fucking parade every season is it??

OP posts:

rambososcar · 11/05/2013 19:44

SATS are for the benefit of the school, not the child or his future school and if you've been led to believe otherwise the advisor is being disingenuous. Your son will be independently tested when he reaches secondary school.

This is a once in a lifetime for your child - trust me, with other managers taking their new appointments for other clubs in the Prem next season Man Utd will never be doing a victory parade again.

OK, maybe not, but still you're being unreasonable. It's a really, really big thing for a fan to be part of and to be able to get there but not to be allowed will result in resentment from all but the calmest, most forgiving of kids (or adults!).

You mention him having to be in for 7.30 for breakfast club - can you or your ex take an hour or two off work as a one off and allow him a lie in and then get/take him to school for the start of the day?

Go on, let him go! :)

Arisbottle · 11/05/2013 19:45

I would want my child's SATS to be a reliable picture of how they are day to day. My dd sits hers next week and has done no extra work.

I am a teacher who does the Year 7 setting as well.

Sirzy · 11/05/2013 19:47

YABU.

Putting pressure on children aged 10 to perform in exams is wrong anyway, but to stop them doing things they want to simply because of the SATS is unfair IMO.

Astley · 11/05/2013 19:47

I'd let him go. He won't be in bed that late and it's a one off, special event.

Panzee · 11/05/2013 19:47

Will Fergie be there? It's a piece of history.

SATs only exist as a stick with which to beat schools.

Arisbottle · 11/05/2013 19:48

To add some balance we use SATs and primary teacher information to set the children, so they are not totally irrelevant . However we reset again about six weeks later using our own initial assessments . We can move a child up ,but to do so we need to move another down .

exoticfruits · 11/05/2013 19:48

They matter to the school- it doesn't matter to him whether he gets a 4or a 5. They will use them for setting, but with advice from the school, and move him pretty quickly if it is wrong. Schools get in a tizz about it because of the league tables.

Hummuschocolate · 11/05/2013 19:48

exactly Aris, it should be a picture of a typical performance for that child not something that they have worked for. It seems that lots of parents and children have this message from somewhere that Sats are important and will effect their future and its so untrue and so unfair to put unnecessary pressure on people.

Finola1step · 11/05/2013 19:48

Tuesday is new Grammar test. I would def let him go because this new test does not matter one jot.

This year's cohort are the guinea pigs. They sit this new test and all you are going to get as a parent is the actual score that he gets. No level, no indication of how well he has done in comparison to his peers - just the raw score. It will then be used by the powers that be at Whitehall to set the expectations and levels for next years test.

It will have absolutely no bearing on his Secondary school. Let him go but make sure he knows that it's a massive treat for working so hard.

likesnowflakesinanocean · 11/05/2013 19:48

. its daft what if he were to get toothache that night and end up awake late in pain or any other possibility.one day is not a picture of a childs ability just like pp said and he won't have his high school future pegged out from one late night/lower score. your ex sounds like he speaks to you like crap though so yanbu to be pissed off about that

Goldmandra · 11/05/2013 19:49

I would let him go too.

SATs don't make as much difference to the individual child as they do to the school. If he has a good grounding in the subjects, it won't significantly affect his outcome to be in bed an hour late on one night.

If he would be 3 or 4 hours late to bed that would be different but this is something he really wants to do.

I doubt very much that the very small difference being in bed an hour late would make to his performance in his SATs would have any effect whatsoever on his sets at high school. If he were placed in the wrong set he'd soon be moved anyway.

You need to work out how much of this is about your feelings about your ex and his lack of respect for you and how much is really about your DS's performance in school. It would be quite understandable if you were taking advantage of a ready made excuse to stop your ex having an enjoyable evening with your DS if that's how he usually speaks to you.

Are you definitely taking the moral high ground here?

Arisbottle · 11/05/2013 19:50

I am genuinely surprised that everyone is agreeing with me. I must be transforming myself into an average mumsnetter . I must get an alternative hobby

likesnowflakesinanocean · 11/05/2013 19:51

aris . I thought I'd be going against the grain too apparently not

ohforfoxsake · 11/05/2013 19:54

We go to them (when City actually do win anything) and I wouldn't think about not going. It's something that they will remember for ever. They'd have forgotten about whatever SATS paper it is by the weekend.

Unfortunately your Ex sounds like a bit of a tosser, but I don't think that's a reason not to go.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 11/05/2013 19:56

YABU

Let him decide how much the SATs mean to him.

In reality, he will be assessed when he gets to High School, a late night probably won't affect his performance, and SATs are for the school's benefit.

SauvignonBlanche · 11/05/2013 19:56

So, he'd go to bed 30mins late?
Let him go.

TidyDancer · 11/05/2013 19:58

Yes, I would let him go too. Your ex's response was childish, but I think you're wrong to stop your DS from going.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 11/05/2013 19:58

... of course the Head is furious, unfortunately her job may depend on it and at this moment she will be feeling a lot of pressure. No reason to transfer that pressure to your child.

Your Ex sounds like an arse

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 11/05/2013 19:59

Sorry, I meant her job may depend on SATs results, not your son's performance

Panzee · 11/05/2013 20:00

It's great that you have this decision to make! Imagine supporting Stockport...

wtf1981 · 11/05/2013 20:00

Some of our local secondary schools use the test results, along with Teacher Assessment levels, to set in Year 7.

Happy and relaxed or grumpy and disappointed could make a difference to how a 10 or 11 year old does in a test. . .

See where you're coming from though- not isn't timing!

wtf1981 · 11/05/2013 20:01

Some of our local secondary schools use the test results, along with Teacher Assessment levels, to set in Year 7.

Happy and relaxed or grumpy and disappointed could make a difference to how a 10 or 11 year old does in a test. . .

See where you're coming from though- not great timing!

rambososcar · 11/05/2013 20:02

Panzee!

TidyDancer · 11/05/2013 20:06

The head teacher is your mum though, right OP? Of course she's going to back you up.

TheBuskersDog · 11/05/2013 20:06

I'm concerned that he has 'worked hard' for his SATs, apart from a few practice papers to familiarise children with the format they shouldn't be working hard for them. Unfortunately some schools do pressurise their pupils to perform so that the school looks good, perhaps you could have a word with the head

I agree with others if he can be in bed by 9 he will be fine, if it was midnight then probably not.

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