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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not allow my child to go to a football parade on a week night during SATs week?

474 replies

TheDetective · 11/05/2013 19:28

I'm being called all the names under the sun by my ex, and DS1 is sulking and barely speaking to me.

I just found out tonight that Ex DP is planning to take DS1 to watch the Man United parade on Monday night. It is 6-7.30pm, and is 25 miles from home.

Any other school night I'd be fine with this. But not during SATs week, which it is next week.

I've said he can't go. He's worked hard for these exams, his sets for high school depend on the outcome of them. I just want to do what is best for DS.

I've rang my mum, his headteacher, to ask her opinion in case I am being unreasonable. She is furious that ex thinks this is even a good idea.

This is his dads reply by text 'you too are pathetic when he rebels against you youve only yourself to blame'. And 'Like I said pathetic'. Followed by 'just wait promise you he will rebel he already can't wait to get out of mums school I will laugh my ass off'. Those are his exact words by the way, not my typos.

I want my son to do well. I hope I am not being unreasonable.

It's not like utd don't have a fucking parade every season is it??

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 12/05/2013 21:01

I think it's very dangerous to push children to get those extra 1-2 marks in SATs which will push them over a grade boundary - because they won't really be that level at all, they will just have been drilled and drilled and drilled to do well in the test. When they hit Yr7, the school will realise what level they really are, and they may well be disappointed to be told they have 'gone backwards' when all that's happened is that they are working at their real level. It's called the Yr7 dip, and I'm pretty sure it's linked to excess coaching for SATs results

But of course when it happens the primary schools, teachers and HTs achieve their targets. Thank goodness not all schools are so unscrupulous. You have to feel sorry not only for the pupils but for the high school teachers picking up this headache in terms of their own performance management.
And if the OP and Blueskies seriously think that the SATs are so important it's proabably useless trying to reason with them.

I think this parade is historic - and I'm a City fan.

ilovesooty · 12/05/2013 21:02

And yes: I agree with those who think the OP sounds controlling.

bobsuruncleandfannysuraunt · 12/05/2013 21:12

I think that you should let him go. It's a day he'll never forget even if he isn't that much of a football fan.

We had our local teams parade last Sunday (championship winners) and took both DS6 and DD4. It was an extremely long day with events starting at 3 and not finishing until 9.30pm, but it was the most amazing experience and an absolute joy to witness something so special. DS and DD have not stopped harping on about it since!

mumofthemonsters808 · 12/05/2013 21:14

I understand where you are coming from and support your decision. My girl is a member of a local drama group and she will not be there this week because I want her to be in bed early. Do not feel pressurised by your ex, you have made a decision and do not need approval from onyone.

ComposHat · 12/05/2013 21:19

SATS are pointless micky mouse tests. ...I wouldn't worry a second ovwe them. YABU

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 12/05/2013 21:19

DS hasn't mentioned it since it was brought up. If he really wanted to go, there would be no let up on the pester front.

Perhaps he's learned there's really no point?

As I asked before, do you often change your mind/listen to other's opinions?

dangly131 · 12/05/2013 21:22

Most children go backwards after a long summer break. In every year group in primary you get children coming up as being X level and more often than not you look at your first piece of work with them and you kind of rubbish all the previous levels! Every teacher will notice discrepancies between where a child has been working and the dip that occurs when children do nothing for nearly 2 months.

ilovesooty · 12/05/2013 21:29

My girl is a member of a local drama group and she will not be there this week because I want her to be in bed early

How sad.

Original poster
TheDetective · 12/05/2013 21:35

I don't often have to change my mind on things - because I don't have many decisions to make that directly affect someone else.

Yes, I do listen to others opinions. But it does take a good argument to change my mind.

OP posts:
SanityClause · 12/05/2013 21:43

Why do parents think SATS are important?

I get that they're important to schools, but not to the individuals.

ilovesooty · 12/05/2013 21:45

Goodness knows why there are any parents left who believe SATs are in any way important to pupils.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 12/05/2013 21:46

I don't often have to change my mind on things - because I don't have many decisions to make that directly affect someone else.

Do you live alone? Do you have a job?

I'm genuinely puzzled by this. I make loads of decisions everyday that directly affect DS and DH. The vast majority are relatively minor (what to have for tea etc/what to watch on tv) but I'm always happy to listen to DH's opinion. DS can't speak but I take him in to consideration too.

SanityClause · 12/05/2013 21:52

DD1 didn't get to sit level 6 SATS. I'm not sure if they didn't do that then, or if her school just didn't do them. By the time DD2 got to year 6, they had stopped doing SATS altogether (independent school).

Neither of them have an overriding belief that they have missed out on something wonderful. I promise you.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 12/05/2013 21:54

illovesooty I can only speak for my children, but their place in top set maths was determined by SATS scores, and their maths set was also their MFL set. Yes, you can be moved, but why take the chance, and why not try to do the best you can in any test given to you?

CSIJanner · 12/05/2013 21:56

When people look back on childhood, its the way they're made to feel and the experiences that they had that come to mind first. I used to go climbing, fish for tadpoles, blackberry picking, had picnics and failed each time to play cricket on cobblestones. My big regret of last year was being unable to take LO's to London to experience the Olympics, money etc being factors.

I think that OP is in a difficult situation as her mother is the HT so really she and her son would be unconsciously be used as benchmarks for comparisons with other children/parents. And that's harsh for them.

But here's the main question - has you son studied hard and worked towards his exams? If the answer is yes, then let him have the night off. It's a memory - it may not be his team and it might be a late night as a one off, but its a one in a lifetime thing that he can look back and remember. Think of it as a reward for all his slogging.

thebody · 12/05/2013 21:56

Gosh my day and life are bloody chock full of decisions.

Anyway op you asked the question aibu and I think only two posters agreed with you where the rest of us think you are wrong.

Of course it's up to you but just out of curiosity do you ever think you are wrong?

To the poster whose dd will miss her drama group next week for sats what a sad situation.

Sats are tests to see how schools are doing. Not children.

Blueskiesandbuttercups · 12/05/2013 21:57

"How sad"- it's one friggin night- seriously!Hmm

exoticfruits · 12/05/2013 22:04

Your DC will not be in the wrong set due to SATs results! The new school is intelligent enough not to rely solely on them. If they are going to a school that put them in sets purely due to tests taken a third of a year beforehand I would suggest you haven't got a very good school!

exoticfruits · 12/05/2013 22:06

I also think it highly unlikely that a resentful child is going to try their best!

DangerousBeanz · 12/05/2013 22:06

I'm a teacher, I'd let him go, don't wish to be horrid but that level 5 is more important to your mum than it is to him. Secondary schools view teacher assessment as more important to setting, and will re set v quickly if they think it's wrong. Whereas year 6 results and value added are V important for league tables and ofsted ratings, and headteachers performance related pay. Any head teacher has a very vested interest in this.
If he doesn't know it now one late night (and not even that late) will make no difference at all.

exoticfruits · 12/05/2013 22:10

Schools talk to each other! They are not going to let a DC who is one of their best mathematicians go into a lower maths group because of a poor test result. You would think that DCs go to secondary schools with nothing except one test result.Hmm

Hummuschocolate · 12/05/2013 22:11

Their Maths set was also their Modern Foreign Language set? How does that make sense?

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 12/05/2013 22:13

I dunno, I didnt make the decision! I suppose timetabling and so on means one set is often another, and starting a new language is a challenge so perhaps best done in ability groups?

Hummuschocolate · 12/05/2013 22:16

I guess that probably a pretty unusual situation though and probably not a n argument for the importance of SATs. Surely most schools re-set at gsce level too.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 12/05/2013 22:18

I have no idea. It's not a very unusual school, though! My thoughts are that if you are given a test, it is good to try your best at it, whatever.

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