This Isn't My Thread. It's Title Is Too Long.

[TiggyD]

How many fucking books are there? I had to read "That's not my truck" last week. "That's not my truck. It's sides are to ridgey". WTF! £5.99 for 5 pictures of things with fun fur or something on them? They're taking the piss! "That's not my hamster". Seriously! Where's the plot?!

Coming soon:

That's not my poo. It's sides are too glittery.
That's not my poo. It's top is too floaty.
That's my poo. It's tail end is so sweetcorny!

£5.99.

[MeanAndMeaslyMiddleAges]

Apparently Terry Pratchett DID visualise Vimes as being just like Pete Postlethwaite, not the Clint Eastwood character he usually resembles on the cover art. I've got that book too, my dh is desperate to read it to my ds!

[MrsLion]

That's not my sofa, its cushions are so plump.
That's not my sofa, its appearance is so new-looking
That's not my sofa, its fabric is still intact.

That's my sofa! Its biro- decoration is sooo beautiful!

[MrsLion]

That's not my mil, her advice is too asked-for.
That's not my mil, her son is not perfect.
That's not my mil, her control is too relinquished.

That's my mil! Her parenting of 40yo men, their wives and their dc so endless!

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

That's not my dog, it hasn't farted for at least three min -
Oh, wait, that is my dog.

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

Also, "DH" and "DS" can be substituted for "dog". Ours is a whiffy house.

[NoWayPedro]

That's not my wardrobe, its full of the stuff of dreams
That's not my wardrobe, sizes aren't a mixture of extremes
That's not my wardrobe, with those matching colour schemes
That's not my wardrobe, it doesn't make me want to scream

That's my wardrobe, all the clothes are coming apart at the seams

[NoWayPedro]

That's not my program, who has the remote
That's not my program, I'll grab you by the throat
That's not my program, change it back or get your coat

This is my program, I am mum and get the deciding vote!!!!

[NoWayPedro]

Last one for today:

That's not my pillow, it doesn't feel quite right
That's not my pillow, you stole it in the night
That's not my pillow, give it back or get a fright

This is my pillow! It fits my head just right :)

[InMySpareTime]

In honour of the "stuff found in bras" thread:
That's not my bra, it has vomit in it.
That's not my bra, it contains a pine cone.
That's not my bra, it's far too glittery
That's not my bra, it is full of confectionery
That's my bra, its cups are sooo capacious.

[showtunesgirl]

In honour of the bra gurus:

That's not my bra size, the gore is not flat.
That's not my bra size, the band is too loose.
That's not my bra size, it's given me four boobs.
That's not my bra size, the cup is too small.
That's my bra size, my boobs are so pert.

[FrustratedSycamoresRocks]

That's not my fridge, it's contents are too healthy.
That's not by fridge, everything is in date.
That's not my fridge, it is too full.

That's my fridge, it smells and is full of junk.

[Pigsmummy]

But it's not my rabbit, I have a mad cat

[Yamyoid]

Brilliant

[Yamyoid]

That's not my weather forecast, it's too rainy
No really, tell me that's not my weather forecast
That can't be my weather forecast, it's windy and cold
That is my weather forecast, it's really rainy and windy and cold

[apostropheuse]

We have an abundance of those bloody books in the house. For reasons I will never fathom the children love them!

This thread is hilarious.

That's not my arse. It's not large enough.
That's not my arse. It's not low enough.
That's not my arse. It's not round enough.
That's my arse. It's all flabby and squidgy!

[HandbagCrab]

That's not my dh. His body is too smooth.
That's not my dh. His teeth are too shiny.
That's not my dh. His bum is too bumpy.
That's not my dh. His tummy is too squishy
That's my dh! His ears are so fluffy!

[FrustratedSycamoresRocks]

That's not my alarm, it's going off too early.
That's not my alarm, it's too loud.
That's not my alarm, my alarm has a snooze.

No, wait, that is my alarm, Oh shit, now I'm late!

[ToysRLuv]

That's not my sanitary towel, its wings are too long.
That's not my sanitary towel, its surface is soo plasticky.
That's not my sanitary towel, its nowhere wide enough.
That's not my sanitary towel, its already managed to glue itself to itself.
That's my sanitary towel, its miles away at home.

(At my parents' house which houses ancient supplies from years ago when DM still had her periods )

[ToysRLuv]

Oh, got into a bit of an automatic mode with the writing. Excuse lack of apostrophes.

[FanjoPaterson]

That's no DP, his stomach is too wobbly
That's not DP, his hair's too short
That's not DP, that's Terry Wogan.
That's DP. I can hear him snoring from the garage.

[Toadinthehole]

That's not my home-made pasta: the machine is gummed up.
That's not my home-made pasta: it's all stuck together.
That's not my home-made pasta: it's gone all zig-zaggy.
That's my home made pasta: I'm sticking the empty packet in the bin

[Toadinthehole]

That's not my hamster. Freddy Starr ate it.

[ginnybag]

I have no idea if anyone has said this yet, because I don't have time to read the whole thread (sorry!) but Terry Pratchett has a take on these that is hilarious.

Where's my Cow - as read by Sam Vimes.

It is now my DD's favourite bedtime story.

I refuse to own any of the orginals

[beaverhq]

I laughed so hard reading this thread a little bit of wee came out.

[enormouse]

Toadinthehole that's fantastic. I must add that the next time I have to read that's not my sodding hamster.