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AIBU?

This Isn't My Thread. It's Title Is Too Long.

185 replies

TiggyD · 05/05/2013 18:58

How many fucking books are there? I had to read "That's not my truck" last week. "That's not my truck. It's sides are to ridgey". WTF! £5.99 for 5 pictures of things with fun fur or something on them? They're taking the piss! "That's not my hamster". Seriously! Where's the plot?!

Coming soon:

That's not my poo. It's sides are too glittery.
That's not my poo. It's top is too floaty.
That's my poo. It's tail end is so sweetcorny!

£5.99.

OP posts:

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TheOneWithTheHair · 05/05/2013 22:16

We have to point out the mouse too. You're not the only one chandellina!

ZillionChocolate · 05/05/2013 22:27

I have no poetry to contribute, but when I'm pacing the aisles of Tesco/B&Q looking for DH I frequently think "that's not my baldy, his jumper is too red/his legs are too long/he is too old".

DeskPlanner · 05/05/2013 22:29

YANBU

MeanAndMeaslyMiddleAges · 05/05/2013 23:12

We also have to point out the mouse chandellina. His name is Little Mouse - that's why your dc won't point him out. She doesn't know who you're talking about :) [Nods head wisely, taps side of nose].

We thought ds was a genius when he'd point out Little Mouse on command aged 10 months, 'til he started pointing at anything white and looking up at us crossly when we didn't applaud him. I think he thinks 'Mouse' is the correct word for 'anything small and white.'

And why the fuck is the mouse so much smaller than the hamsters, yet can double as a ship's figurehead in the pirate one. The scales ate all wrong and we PAY THESE PEOPLE MONEY! It's the Ninky Nonk/ Pinky Ponk fiasco all over again.

My dh revealed that he thought the mouse was the narrator of the stories, so maybe that explains the mermaid ownership. Not a very clever mouse though, is he, with dinosaurs, dragons and lions as pets. Bet he doesn't even have a DEFRA license.

lougle · 05/05/2013 23:16

That's not my toddler. She's drinking a fruitshoot.
That's not my toddler. She's eating a Gregg's sausage roll.
That's not my toddler. She's playing with plastic toys.

That's my toddler. She knows her name in 3 languages and can read already.

Whatalotofpiffle · 05/05/2013 23:17

Agree! Planning is everything!

HandbagCrab · 05/05/2013 23:30

The rough roof in the seminal 'That's not my train' grates the skin from your fingers along with your last nerve!

That's not my usborne book. Its characters are too realistic.
That's not my usborne book. Its story is too compelling.
That's not my usborne book. Its price is too reasonable.
That's my usborne book! Its buttons are so hard to press!

If anyone has 'where's curly the pig?' you'll understand...

Toadinthehole · 06/05/2013 05:21

That's not my daughter. She hasn't brushed her hair.
That's not my daughter. She hasn't won academic prizes.
That's not my daughter. She hasn't done her homework.
(daughter). That's my mother. She's a social-climbing show-off.

Toadinthehole · 06/05/2013 05:24

That's not my son's half-eaten apple. I saw it here yesterday.
That's not my son's half-eaten apple. I only buy Braeburns.
That's not my son's half-eaten apple. He doesn't eat apples.
Actually it is my son's half-eaten apple. I'll remove it while I think no-one's looking.

Toadinthehole · 06/05/2013 05:25

LOL at RedRidingChop's dinner.

oinkment · 06/05/2013 05:49

Love the nappy bag one.

YoniMontana · 06/05/2013 06:54

That's not my bank account, it's balance is too big.
That's not my bank account, it's not overdrawn.
That's not my bank account, it has too many credits.
That's not my bank account, there are no direct debits.

That's my bank account! It's statements are so red!

Didactylos · 06/05/2013 08:57

my personal 'favourite' of these is the 'thats not my bunny' book
thats not my bunny - its eyes are too shiny. No shit - its absolutely terrifying

had taken to reading 'thats not my bunny, its dead eyes are too sinister'
Had to stop when DS started to repeat this

on the same note
thats not my cthulhu - its tentacles are too scaly
thats not my cthuhlu - its wings are too raggedy
thats not my cthuhlu - its face is too rubbery
thats my cthulu -its portends ultimate destruction

APipkinOfPepper · 06/05/2013 09:13

Love these!

That's not my garden - its grass is too short
That's not my garden - its toys are too tidy
That's not my garden - the flower beds are too neat

That's my garden - its covered in dandelions

WireCatWhore · 06/05/2013 09:37

My son (recently diagnosed ASD so no idea if this is why he's so obsessed with them!) has to read all 6 of the ones he has at bedtime. Every night.

I was in a bookshop the other day. Was astounded by the range of the books.

Daughter pointed out not to buy anymore or we would be there till the morning reading them all to ds!

WireCatWhore · 06/05/2013 09:38

Oh& I love all your versions of them, made me laugh!

CouthySaysEatChoccyEggs · 06/05/2013 09:56

I hated these books so much that I hid DS2's in the loft. Had DS3 7 years later, and he discovered the Meerkat one in a bookshop. Then my bastard lovely Ex got the old ones out of the loft.

I have now been rewarding this tripe for over 10 years.

CouthySaysEatChoccyEggs · 06/05/2013 10:01

I have 17 of the fucking things. The oldest ones were bought for DS1, then DS2 added to it, then now DS3.

CouthySaysEatChoccyEggs · 06/05/2013 10:05

Rewarding = reading. Why Autocorrect seems to think these books are rewarding is beyond me!

WireCatWhore · 06/05/2013 10:10

My son is up in his room now reading them to himself. In a minute I will hear the cry of "books downstairs muuuuuummmmmm" & then I will be expected to read them. All day.

That's not my brain.....

CuppaSarah · 06/05/2013 10:17

That's not my boobs, they're too perky
That's not my boobs, the skin is too tight
That's not my boobs, the nipples are too petite

That's my boobs, they are sooooo droopy

AintNobodyHereButUsKittens · 06/05/2013 10:31

I wish to say the unsayable. These books are fucking brilliant. Fiona whatshername deserves every penny of her squillions of pounds. The owner of the substandard French translations can affirm that writing easy-to-read-aloud toddler books is not as easy as it looks. And most importantly I could practically hear my babies' synapses making little clickety connecting noises as I read them and they stroked the pages.

Oh and the mouse is obviously the narrator, yes.

However, that said, I read them many years ago, when there were only ten, and I offloaded them sharpish onto the mother of a visiting toddler when youngest DC turned three.

Meanwhile

That's not my bed, the sheets have been ironed.
That's not my bed, the linen is coordinated
That's not my bed, it's not overcrowded
That's my bed. The cake crumbs are soooooo scratchy.

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maddening · 06/05/2013 10:36

That's not my fanjo I don't own a mooncup
That's not my fanjo it's hair is too tidy
That's not fanjo those knickers are too lacy
That's not my fanjo it's never had stitches

That's my fanjo I can just tell

RocknRollNerd · 06/05/2013 10:38

The shiney eyed bunny was fucking terrifying - it was inevitably read out in the Nerd household as 'that's not my bunny, it's eyes are too shiney and will steal your very soul' with the bold bit read in booming vintage horror film voice

TheOneWithTheHair · 06/05/2013 10:40

In our book the bunny's eyes are black and not shiny at all. Strange.

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