To be angry at a nanny 'friend' who told me I should leave my job..........

[Mummyoftwoangels]

just because I told her I didn't want to feed her youngest charge her bottle this morning?! She was 'busy' texting her boss!!

My reasoning being, I lost my own babies just over a year ago, and struggle at times with dealing with young babies! The children I look after are 3 and 6 so not babies!!

She said I should be able to help out others or I'm not doing my job properly! She knows the history of what I have been through, but insisted that I should think about changing my career

If I seriously thought I wasn't doing my job properly, I would leave! AIBU to be really angry, and sad at her criticism?!

I'm glad the police are helping. Hope you manage to relax and enjoy your weekend. xx

I am so glad that you went to the police and were treated sympathetically I hope that made you see that you have done nothing wrong and you are not over reacting or being sensitive. You have been unlucky in trusting someone who was not worthy of that trust, many of us have done that at some point, its not a failure in any way, its being human and believing that people have the same morals and values as we do.

it will be hard to feel you can trust people again after this horrible episode, but most people are decent and would give you the support and care you need and deserve. I hope you are able to speak to your counsellor about what has happened, or someone from SANDS you so need the support of someone who will help you

Finally 15 months is such a short time span to have recovered from everything that you have been through, you have been to hell and back so be gentle with yourself

Great news about the police, Mummy, well done you. That must have taken a lot of courage. I don't think you've gone 'back to square one' at all. You've dealt with all this brilliantly. Anyone would be upset and affected by someone they considered a friend behaving like this.

Please try and relax and enjoy your weekend. You deserve it after a horrible few days. The police are right. Bullies like this usually crawl back under their rock once they've been confronted. Be kind to yourself and give yourself credit. You have handled all this really well. Take care

More (((((((((((((soft HUGS))))))))))) and ((((((Holds You)))) some more.

I know you are Hurting right now. Imagine this this will STOP the Girl from doing this to someone that Has Recently lost their child or children or been a violence victim. Someone going through that grief Fresh, before any Therapy.

I know this a bloody terrible.
All I can do is hope that some good comes from all this Pain, and this Chick NEVER does this again.

Ps OP, I had multiple Miscarriages, I've been quietly crying WITH you
and another Big ((((((((((Hug))))))))))

Stay strong. You have done everything right!!

I hope you have a good weekend.

Things haven't improved ex nanny friend hasn't given up! The latest was a few horrible emails! I spoke to the police, who are going over to see her again this afternoon! I am going to speak to them properly tomorrow when I get back!

I'm so fed up and pissed off! She's ruined my weekend, or I've let her ruin my weekend?! Depends how you look at it! I've spent all day today in tears, can't quite snap out of it think I've just reached rock bottom

She's continued to pass on emails to the other nannies. Telling them all the private stuff that I have ever shared with her! I've just had enough!! My ex partner put me through hell and now she's dragging it all up and sharing it with others it's so fucking degrading, and I've just had enough!

Apologies for the moan xx

No need to apologise at all. So sorry she has carried it on. She is going to end up being arrested as well as sacked if she doesn't stop it and it will all be her fault and her fault alone.

Oh MO2A that's terrible!!

Have the other Nannies told you she is persisting in this blabbermouthing then?

Hold your head up high, all this venom & badmouthing of you when you have been coping brilliantly in a crap situation.....it will only show HER in a terrible light.

Turn off your phone, can you ask your biss if she has an old handset? Get a PAYG sim card & a new number. Just tell a few friends you can trust your new one & then put the old SIM in the old handset so you have all the texts as evidence for the police but you don't have to read them.

Ditto for the emails - set up a file so you can move them to it as soon as they come in. You don't have to read them, get your nice boss (or anotgher friend) to check them & forward them to the officer helping you at the nick.

for you, she is a monster but try & rise above it (so hard I know as it is bringing back all sorts of feelings)

YOU have done nothing wrong but merely trusted someone you thought a friend.

I bet her ex -boss is glad to know what she is really like & thinks she has had a lucky escape, god knows what she was like with the kids in her care.

Also you know what nannying circles are like she has shot herself in the foot for ever working in that area again, her reputation has been shredded, condfidentiality is a big deal as a nanny isn't it?

Sweetheart.

You have done nothing wrong.

Well, except perhaps for trusting her, but then again, that is HER issue that she broke your trust, not you for giving it to her in the first place.

ALL the other nannies that receive the emails will know what a terrible c*nt she really is. Not ONE of them will blame you. NOT one.

In fact, those women, if they have a brain cell, will look at you and wonder how on earth you got through all that.

they will want to hug you, and tell you that it's OK.

Please don't panic, please don't put yourself down, there is nothing to put yourself down about. you got that?

oh lovely... im so sorry that the police warning wasnt enough ((hugs))

the more she does it, the more trouble she's going to be in with the police and people will eventually get bored of her bitchy rants and never trust her again.

you will come away from this stronger. you cant let her beat you down. you have been through so much already and its digusting that she is adding to it all. she is the one in the wrong here... the police acting on it should make you realise this.

hopefully she will be arrested for harrassment and threatening behaviour. hopefully that will also go against her when trying to find a new job too... she blooming deserves it! keep any evidence you have (print outs, keep a notebook of incidents with times and dates etc) and update the police as and when they happen.

keep posting here too if you feel it helps. there are so many people here that can offer you advice and support. and please find someone in rl to talk all this through with. there are decent people out there... dont let her ruin the chance at having a good friendship xx

Thankyou for the kind words AGAIN ! I feel like I'm living in fear again, and I hate it! I'm dreading going home tomorrow, but I need to! I need to get back to work and I need to show her, that she hasn't won even if it feels like she has

I had a couple of very kind texts from a couple of the nannies who have received her emails! They were very understanding and said if I needed to talk they were happy to listen!

I didn't want all this crap brought up again, I just wanted to get on with my life i've had enough of being hurt!!!!

I hope you don't mind me suggesting this, sweetheart, but have you heard of the freedom programmme?

Brilliant website

It helps women at all stages of getting out of abusive relationships & beyond, one of the best things is doing their online programme to help you recognise areas that are particular triggers for you and how to deal with them, very empowering.

You are dealing with a very nasty person at the same time as getting over an abusive relationship AND grieving for your babies AND holding down a challenging job.

You are amazing!

I cannot believe that she hasn't learned when to stop try not to let her get to you as you are a lovely person and you certainly do not deserve this. Keep your boss informed too. xx

Thanks Bossybritches22 I have actually used the website u suggested. It has been really good!

Think I'm just having a 'wobble' at the moment! Wednesday will be a really difficult day, but I really want it to be a special day too! I just NEED this bitch, to stop! I'd say I don't understand how someone's personality can change so quickly!! BUT clearly I do know as my ex partners personality changed on a daily basis!!

Anyway I have decided with the help of a friend, that I have to travel back tomorrow as I need to continue with my life, and let the police deal with her!

I really appreciate how kind and helpful you have all been! I'm sorry for all my moaning! But it's really helped to write this stuff down! It's that or giving up completely xx

Wow, what an unstable inhuman bitch she is - total monster. This whole thing must be triggering a huge weight and turmoil of emotions (hug).

But, there is nothing wrong with you, the further she goes, the clearer it gets to Everyone that the woman is an agressive, using, cruel and unbalanced bitch... This is Nothing to do with you anymore (if it ever was, which seems tenuous), this is her being challenged on being a cruel abusive monster.

It's like all she knows what to do is to up the ante and keep screaming and bitching and bullying... But it's not working and it's not going to work. I'm really proud of you, because you aren't crumbling, you aren't letting her treat you like her slave, even of you want to just hide and be quiet and give in ... That makes you even more amazing.

You are doing the right thing, you're saying NO to her and telling the right people so they can protect you and stop her. Please please keep on with this, tell the police again tomorrow, tell your boss, and you know what would be so great for you... Tell the other nannies, those that have contacted you, try and take that first step and reply to them... And keep posting on here. Surround yourself with the good guys, it will help you see that people like her (or your h) are not going to win, she is going to have to go away, and her life will be worse for it.

What does she think it's going to accomplish? She's destroying her future by behaving like this - she is doing this all herself so don't please don't feel guilty.

Good luck tomorrow OP, keep doing what you're doing x

Quick Update.....

Having spent the last hour on the phone to the police. Ex nanny is going to be arrested this morning! I'm heading home later this afternoon If I can pluck up the courage to go!

I called the police again after waking this morning and switching on my phone, overnight she had sent 25texts and left 10voicemails. Clearly she was drunk, and she said some unbelievably hurtful things

She told me I was a self centred arrogant bitch, and that I didn't deserve to be a mum, it was a good job I lost my babies, as they are better off dead than stuck with me

She also told me that my babies died because I was being punished for letting my ex partner do such 'dirty' things to me! She said if I truly didn't want him to do those things, I wouldn't of left him

Basically she has said all the things I have been fighting to stop thinking for the last 15 months I can't start thinking like that again! I didn't do anything wrong, except for falling in love with a bad man He hit, punched and kicked me he raped me BUT I did tell him NO, and I did try to get help! BUT I was scared!

I have worked hard to try and rebuild my life! I will never forgive myself for what happened to my girls, but I cannot live with someone else judging me, when they don't know or understand what really happened!

I hope ex nanny, never has to go through anything that I have been through! But if she does, I hope she realises how hurtful and cruel she has been over the last week!

she has gone off the deep end hasn't she! Did she show no signs of being not right looking back?

if this is bringing up awful memories, thoughts and feelings it might be an idea to seek counseling.

The woman is vile, an awful awful person. Also very stupid as she has thankfully given masses of proof of her nastiness.

I really hope that her arrest will end the nasty messages and from now on the people you meet will be supportive.

Mummyoftwoangels you are amazing.

You may not feel it but you have handled everything. You have taken everything this vile woman has thrown at you and kept going with grace and dignity. Even if there were red eyes and snot. You are so strong.

You would have/will be the most amazing mummy. I hope that is not the wrong thing to say sorry if it is.

Can you explore with your counsellor how you picked a friend like your ex? Although she fooled her bosses into thinking she was safe to leave their children with!

Good luck.

Bloody hell, the woman is VILE VILE VILE.

Please do NOT take any notice of her opinions of your relationship, in her own way she is as bad as he was, and he sounds unbelievably cruel.

I know it is completely natural to feel guilty about your loss-as mums we always have SO much guilt about our babies- it sounds like it was a sad consequence of prolonged abuse by your ex so PLEASE do not feel you could have done anything to prevent it. We all do what we can to survive in times of terror and no-one can blame you for ANYTHING you did to try and get through.

I agree with other posters that maybe talking to someone with speicialist training,(maybe from WA?) would be good. It sounds like you have a sort of PTSD-type thing although I'm not qualified to say, but whatever the name for it a chance to offload and debrief the horrible experiences you have gone through in recent times mght be good.

Keep telling yourself you are worth more than this terrible bitch and your lovely boss and the children love you and value you for the great person you are.

Deep breath for the journey home, keep talking to us xxx

Bloody hell!!!! She's getting worse. Why does she think this behaviour is reasonable? She's absolutely loopy.

You will get through this and be stronger. The support you are receiving here is just a little bit to get you through. Please do not hesitate to speak to people in real life about what she has done. You will always be your girls mummy and they will be looking after you from heaven. xx

Just to reassure you all, I am seeing a counsellor regularly! An excellent counsellor! She has been amazing!

Seeing her tomorrow, for a double session! Think I am going to need it!

Xx

I am so glad that she will be arrested.

PLEASE. Go shopping for a new phone and leave the other one switched off, you don't need to have these drops of poison in your life.

It was not your fault - any of it. The initial abuse, the death of your daughters, this womans vile behaviour - none of it was your fault.

I believe you.

Your daughters would be proud of the way you have stood up for yourself this time - they wouldn't be ashamed of you and you haven't let them down. Not one bit.

Much love and strength to you for this coming week.

I wasn't going to comment on this thread but just am in shock at how awful this woman's behaviour is. What a disgusting human being. She must be a very unhappy individual.

OP on the other hand you sound great.