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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be angry at a nanny 'friend' who told me I should leave my job..........

324 replies

Mummyoftwoangels · 30/04/2013 14:39

just because I told her I didn't want to feed her youngest charge her bottle this morning?! She was 'busy' texting her boss!!

My reasoning being, I lost my own babies just over a year ago, and struggle at times with dealing with young babies! The children I look after are 3 and 6 so not babies!!

She said I should be able to help out others or I'm not doing my job properly! She knows the history of what I have been through, but insisted that I should think about changing my career Sad

If I seriously thought I wasn't doing my job properly, I would leave! AIBU to be really angry, and sad at her criticism?!

OP posts:
thebody · 02/05/2013 20:41

What a bloody bitch.

Anyone hearing your story will feel nothing but sympathy op and I suggest that is exactly what all these nannies think too. As well as afraid to approach you for fear of hurting you.

EverybodysStressyEyed · 02/05/2013 20:54

I'm so sorry for your loss and that this woman has been such a bitch

a a nanny employer I would be really grateful that I found out my nanny was so warped so you did the right thing - she doesn't deserve to keep her job - you've done those children a huge favour

and you sound like a wonderful nanny!

Please don't feel the whole world is like this - this woman is beyond the pale and you are highly unlikely to come across someone like her again

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved · 02/05/2013 20:56

It's really good the two mothers are being so mature abs sensible about it - this is how people should be. She is unhinged and a total bitch, and I really hope she's on the way out of your life forever.

HibernoCaledonian · 02/05/2013 20:58

Delurking to say OMFG What a bitch! (her, not you) I haven't been in your position but I can guarantee you that if I received that email I would feel nothing but sympathy for you and if I'd known the other person's boss I'd have let them know (discreetly) that their nanny was a cow (trying to cut down on my swearing.)

Please realise that she is lashing out at you. It has not your fault. Nothing here is your fault. I really hope that she doesn't destroy your trust in people. Some really nice people are out there.

I don't know what else to say except that I hope things start looking up for you soon.

McNewPants2013 · 02/05/2013 21:01

if she does start then get the police involved.

Original poster
Mummyoftwoangels · 02/05/2013 21:45

Thanks for more kind words!

I've had a rough evening, lots of tears! I looked at my babies photo and felt so guilty for letting them down again Sad I'm not sure how I will get through their anniversary next week Sad

Hoping a good nights sleep might help me get back on track! Sad If that fails, an appointment with my counsellor might be required Sad Can't believe that a so called friend, could of made me feel so sad and so lonely xx

OP posts:
MagicHouse · 02/05/2013 22:05

Just read your thread - what a shocking story. The other nanny sounds seriously disturbed, and if she is that bullying and spiteful towards you, then it's right that she should lose her job working with small, vulnerable children.
Sounds like you have been through a horrendous time, through no fault of your own. I bet you are lovely with the children you look after. I know my children love their cm, who is a huge, important and safe part of their lives. I bet your little charges think that of you too.
Take care of yourself, and don't expect too much just now. Maybe plan part of the day, plant some little trees to remember your girls?

Cherriesarered · 02/05/2013 22:21

What a tough night for you! Regarding the school run... Keep strong, hold your head high and say hello to people. You have nothing to hide!

Hugs x 1000!

breatheslowly · 02/05/2013 22:40

Sorry for the loss of your girls and the horrid time you are having now too. The stuff with this nanny is nearly over, she is pretty certain to lose her job and that is entirely her fault not yours. If she does harass you then you might need to change your phone number. But don't forget that there are formal routes, such as talking to the police if you need too. I imagine the other local nannies will feel nothing but support for you, just like the people on this thread.

Original poster
Mummyoftwoangels · 03/05/2013 06:59

Morning.....

Well the other nanny has lost her job, and clearly blames me Sad I woke this morning to 10 not very nice texts! Lots of name calling and anger!

BUT also a few texts that said if I didn't talk to her boss and try and sort things then she would send over her boyfriend for a "chat" She said NOT to tell anyone, because IF I do I will regret it Sad I wanted to call a friend and tell her, just so I had a bit of support! But I'm not sure if I can trust anyone anymore Sad Plus I don't want her to get more annoyed and send her boyfriend round, I can't deal with that, I just can't. I feel like I am getting sucked back in to the same situation as I was in with my abusive partner Sad I'm scared Sad I know I should say something to someone in the RW BUT I just can't Sad

Sorry for moaning on here, but I needed to at least say what has happened!

OP posts:
needasilverlining · 03/05/2013 07:07

Police. This is harassment and threatening behaviour and you have proof.

Whitewineformeplease · 03/05/2013 07:17

Morning OP

I am so sorry you are going through this. This woman sounds unhinged, she is a cruel, manipulative bully who is treating you terribly. Please do not keep this to yourself, tell your boss what has happened. You are being harassed and intimidated and you do not need to stand for this. Xxx

TheseFoolishThings · 03/05/2013 07:27

This needs to be passed to the Police. Not just for you - although that is a very important component - but for anyone unfortunate enough to either befriend of employ this ghastly person ever again. Please please - go to the Police.

JessieMcJessie · 03/05/2013 07:30

You need to go to the police. To make such a threat is criminal in any case, but even moreso as she knows your history. Ask your employer to help you with making the complaint. Do not let her intimidate you. Can you get any support from the nanny who showed you the email? She sounds like she's looking out for you.

Hissy · 03/05/2013 07:30

oh sweetheart, that's crossed a line now.

Call 101 now, tell your employer too. Call your friend for support, how dare she threaten you.

SHE did this. Not you. You've suffered enough.

CSIJanner · 03/05/2013 07:32

She lost her job because she has no empathy, is vindictive with no boundaries and can't keep confidences. There is no way anything you say to her old boss can do to rectify this because you told her something in trust and she told others. Not only does her old boss want anyone who clearly has no empathy looking after their most precious children, but they don't want someone who can't be discreet nor keep confidences working within their home.

She's trying to bully you, scare you and now harress you. She's taken it too far with threatening to send her boyfriend now. I know you probably don't want to, but I think you need to talk to your boss, show her the new messages and say you want to take this to the police now.

IsItMeOr · 03/05/2013 07:33

So sorry you're having to go through this OP.

Please let the Police know about this. They're there to help keep people safe from people like this ex-nanny and her boyfriend.

wonderingsoul · 03/05/2013 07:50

im sorry your going through this op, from where im standing though, you are a very strong woman, who have shown you will not back down, you have the dingity to hold your head high returning to pick your charges up from school, you are professional, you may be weak and scared in side, but you are not.

you know you need to show this last vile text to your boss, sounds like she will come with you to the police station too, hopfully a chat with the police will scare her stupied and will leave you alone.

hope today is kind to you x x

wonderingsoul · 03/05/2013 07:50

may feel*

Groovee · 03/05/2013 07:55

You need to tell the police and also your boss. This woman needs told by authority that threatening you with her boyfriend is out of order. What a nasty vindictive bully she is. I wonder if she has form.

bigfuckoffpie · 03/05/2013 07:57

I hope you're calling the police. She's completely lost the plot.

Even if you were to speak to her employer, she's extremely unlikely to get her job back.

ConfusedPixie · 03/05/2013 08:00

Please tell the police, that is not in and is harassment. I'm so sorry for your loss and really shocked by her behaviour, how she works with children I don't know!

megandraper · 03/05/2013 08:11

How horrible. Please call the police OP, this woman sounds unhinged.

Original poster
Mummyoftwoangels · 03/05/2013 09:33

Just finished the school run! Was approached by a couple of nannies, who just wanted to say sorry for all I had been through, and that they are going to have nothing more to do with the other nanny!! I felt uncomfortable and didn't really know what to say! But pleased that there are some nice people in this world!

I'm not sure I have the nerve to go to the Police Sad sorry. All I can think about right now, is all the stuff I went through with my ex partner! I know I am being pathetic, and I NEED to speak to the police, but it's just not that easy!! I don't want to feel trapped like this, but I am scared!

I am going away for the weekend and I'm sort of hoping that she will calm down and by the time I come back, it will all be over Sad wishful thinking maybe!!!!

OP posts:
alcibie · 03/05/2013 09:42

I am so sorry for what you are going through and especially for the loss of your girls. You are incredibly brave and strong and your own strength will get you through. This other woman is not worthy of any of your time, emotions, anything....she is cruel and without empathy and ultimately will find herself very, very alone.

Would you consider changing your number? You don't need to read her vile messages right now and it might be a way of cutting off all contact. And I can understand your feelings in not feeling up to the police right now but please do talk to your boss or someone you trust about the latest contact...you deserve all the good support you can get xx

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