Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 6 7 8 9 10 11

Original poster

To be upset that good friend did not ask me to be maid of honor?

259 replies

grrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 29/04/2013 17:56

One of my best friends is getting married next year, on a girls night out she mentioned that she will picking bridesmaids and maid of honor in the next few weeks, we have been good friends for 7 years and I thought I would be included, but at the end of the day its her wedding and she can do what she wants.

On facebook I saw a few of her friends were delighted to be chosen for either a bridesmaid or maid of honor, did not really give it much thought other than oh well.

Saw friend today who wanted to explain why I wasn't included, she said although I was her best friend and wanted me to be maid of honor she asked another friend as they are slim and would look better on the photo's. :( I was ok with not being included, but wish she had not explained her reasons why. Feeling really hurt.

OP posts:

olgaga · 01/05/2013 08:06

Poor you, hope you get the chance to put this to bed.

LemonPeculiarJones · 01/05/2013 08:14

Good luck OP. Stick to your guns and don't let her whine and justify herself. She'll probably resort to tears so be prepared to be unruffled. She has behaved appallingly and shouldn't be allowed to self-pity her way out of it.

TheUnicornsGoHawaiian · 01/05/2013 08:19

good luck OP. I think you may find there is someone 'working her strings' still unacceptable though. I think it'll do you good to get it off your chest.

VoiceofUnreason · 01/05/2013 08:19

grrr yes, don't let her wheedle round you. I agree with lemon she may try waterworks and emotional rubbish. I don't see a way back from this one, personally. I think it should be about having YOUR say and no more. Do come back and let us know how you get on.

Chiggers · 01/05/2013 08:26

Go to the wedding in a fab dress that everyone will be talking about. Steal the limelight from her on her big day. Wear the MN cheesy grin as well so she thinks you're up to something and gets paranoid and untrusting .

Alternatively, you could say you're renewing your vows to DH and you'd have invited her to be a witness, but you can't because she's too skinny to look good in the photos.

flowery · 01/05/2013 08:26

Well I wouldn't be having her round for coffee and a chat.

phantomhairpuller · 01/05/2013 08:35

OP could you 'accidentally' leave your laptop open on this thread?! She needs to realise what a complete and utter twunt she is being and how the majority of MN thinks she is a rude and materialistic cow bag! Good luck

phantomhairpuller · 01/05/2013 08:36

When she comes round for coffee I mean

Montgomers · 01/05/2013 08:56

Just "Your sister needs to get over herself. You need to stop being influenced by her, what you did was cruel. Neither of us will be attending your wedding for these reasons. I'm sorry our friendship is over."

Montgomers · 01/05/2013 09:12

Or "I'm sorry, our friendship is over for the time being." She might be young, overwhelmed and have been stupid under pressure. She sounds contrite and might make things right, time will tell.

Peevish · 01/05/2013 09:19

OP, please don't allow her to manipulate you into swallowing your hurt and making up with her! You sound eminently reasonable and sweet, and she sounds unusually stupid or cruel, can't quite decide which... Your feelings are the most important thing here, not her desire to behave badly and still feel good about herself.

Original poster

grrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 01/05/2013 09:40

Yes there were tears (hers) I let her explain it from her side, yes her sister is pulling the strings, saying if she includes me they she will not be part of the ceremony nor will her niece (who friend adores) so she had to choose.

I knew her sister was not very nice from social gatherings DH always felt uncomfortable around her because she would openly flirt, but I just let her get on with it as I knew she was sad and a bit pathetic not letting go something that happened 10+ years ago. She did try and backtrack about referring to my weight saying she tried to make out it was height related as well !!!!!!!! I think she realised what an arse she has been as a lot of our mutual friends have told her she was out of order, and she did seen genuinely sorry, However I pointed out to her that its her day and she should not of let anyone dictate anything to her (she agreed) but where her mum and sister are concerned she will do all she can to please them. (that's another story).

I wished her all the best for her wedding and said I am more than happy to be civil and have the odd chat in the playground, but our friendship as it was is over as she has caused me a lot of upset.

If we did not have children in the same school and a lot of mutual friends it would have been better/easier to cut her out of my life. I feel so sad its come to this as she has been a good friend, but after this impossible to recover from. I waited for her to leave before I had one final cry, now I am going to meet another friend go to town, buy myself a fab dress and have lunch out.

Once again thank you wonderful people for the great advice, a lot have made me laugh / cry. There was so many things I could and wanted to say, but I rose above it, at almost 40 I feel I am a grown up now ;)

OP posts:

DontmindifIdo · 01/05/2013 09:58

oh, you sounded like you did well. i'm sure you'd have been more understanding if she'd started with saying about her sister, not insulting your figure.

Got out, have a nice day, buy a fabulous dress. Once this story gets round, your mutual friends will know what sort of a person she is.

Enjoy shopping!

MrsCampbellBlack · 01/05/2013 10:00

Well done - you've handled a horrible situation very gracefully.

I bet she does feel bad and she will continue to do so until she grows a backbone.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 01/05/2013 10:00

Good for you OP!

Sounds like her sister has serious problems if she holds a ten year old grudge.

cuillereasoupe · 01/05/2013 10:01

I did not know she licked him until ages after we started going out

I'd definitely be cross if my friend's sister had been licking my husband

Apologies OP, I couldn't resist!

MakeHayNotStraw · 01/05/2013 10:02

Wow - I can't believe she would even think that, let alone say it! My 3 BMs were all different sizes because they were my two oldest friends and my youngest sister - never never did it cross my mind to worry about that. And they wore the most gorgeous non-bridesmaidy dresses (I nearly bought one myself....). Surely if you love people enough to ask them to do that job then you want them to feel and look good? And if you make excuses like unbalancing the photos as a reason for not choosing them you are no friend and should not have time wasted on you....

Shocked for you, OP. you must be very hurt and I'm sorry that it has happened.

ivanapoo · 01/05/2013 10:07

Well done. Her sister sounds horrendous. I actually feel a bit sorry for her, being that bitter for 10 years must be hard...

Can't believe she made it out to be about your height though, wtaf? You would think she would have let it go after that...

Have a great day shopping!

MakeHayNotStraw · 01/05/2013 10:08

Just seen your update - you handled it a lot better than I would have done....

Actually, it reminds me of a conversation I had with an ex who had started seeing a housemate/friend of mine - he and I had stayed friends for the 2 years since we split up and I had no problems with his new relationship, but in this chat he said he couldn't really talk to me anymore because it wasn't fair on her. Apparently his new lady had said that she and i weren't that close anyway.... I was stunned, but managed to just say "well, then, we have different ideas of our friendship".

Sorry, no idea why I shared that - except that it hurts when you realise what someone you liked really thinks. Book a wonderful holiday and make us all jealous by telling us where you are going next June....!

aldiwhore · 01/05/2013 10:22

grrrrrrrrrrrr You ARE the bigger person here, and I'm not talking dress size.

I still don't get the whole 'sister pressure' thing. I adore my sister, but if she or anyone else started the whole "I won't do it if so and so is involved" they'd remove themselves from my plans. Those who deliver ultimatums (unless they are for very good cause) usually are the losers, or should be.

I salute you for your civility, for speaking to your friend, and your acknowledgement that you don't need to be 'enemies'. Pity your friend for being so weak, it's more cathartic than hating her.

It is very sad when things like this happen, but you will recover. x

Helltotheno · 01/05/2013 10:27

Good for you OP, you handled it well
At least she now knows you're not a pushover.
Also, you've saved yourself the expense of a wedding!

GreenEggsAndNichts · 01/05/2013 10:37

Sounds like you said all that needed to be said, OP. Well done. It's a shame she isn't able to stand up to her sister. :(

SanitaryOwl · 01/05/2013 10:38

I hope you have a really lovely holiday with your DH when this wedding is going on. You did the right thing, so keep your chin up, Grrrrrrrrrrr!

AnonYonimousBird · 01/05/2013 10:46

OP, I take my hat off to you, how sad to lose a friend, but you handled it so well. Not sure I could have been so dignified!! Now, get that holiday booked!!!!

Xales · 01/05/2013 11:08

You have been very dignified about this.

Un MN hugs

Flip

1 2 ··· 6 7 8 9 10 11