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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that good friend did not ask me to be maid of honor?

259 replies

grrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 29/04/2013 17:56

One of my best friends is getting married next year, on a girls night out she mentioned that she will picking bridesmaids and maid of honor in the next few weeks, we have been good friends for 7 years and I thought I would be included, but at the end of the day its her wedding and she can do what she wants.

On facebook I saw a few of her friends were delighted to be chosen for either a bridesmaid or maid of honor, did not really give it much thought other than oh well.

Saw friend today who wanted to explain why I wasn't included, she said although I was her best friend and wanted me to be maid of honor she asked another friend as they are slim and would look better on the photo's. :( I was ok with not being included, but wish she had not explained her reasons why. Feeling really hurt.

OP posts:
HighJinx · 30/04/2013 19:01

The bride and her sister both sound immature.

The bride mentioned on a girls night out that she would be picking bridesmaids in the next few weeks. This sounds a bit desperate tbh.

The sister can't put aside her feelings about you for one day so that her sister can have the bridal party that she wants? It's not as if you ran off with her husband.

The bride decided she wanted to give you a reason that you weren't asked and decided to mention your dress size. So somewhere along the line this has clearly occurred to her and she sees it as a valid enough reason to actually say it out loud.

I'd start planning your holiday.

complexnumber · 30/04/2013 19:08

So glad I'm a bloke...

GIAB

(Can we have that as another acronynm?)

BatmanLovesVodkaAndCherryade · 30/04/2013 19:19

How petty! I can see why you ended up with your DH and she didn't... what a charming personality your friend's sister has! And what a spineless friend you have...

digerd · 30/04/2013 19:27

One of the major roles of an Alpha male chimpanzee, is to "keep the bickering females in order to keep peace and harmony in the group."

But once it was only 2 females - one higher ranking picking on a lower ranking for another pissing her off.
The Alpha male was chilling out and left them to it as couldn't be bothered Grin

quoteunquote · 30/04/2013 19:32

I've found you a dress

but she has always been easily led.

That doesn't excuse treating people like shit.

Helltotheno · 30/04/2013 19:55

OP you do know that you need to distance yourself from this person now right? Because see, if you don't, she's gotten away with treating you incredibly badly and you're effectively taking it... meaning that she can treat you like sh&t in the future with impunity, knowing that you'll take it then aswell.

The thing is real friends don't treat each other this way.

There's no question of you even going to this wedding you know that right? And there's even less question of you allowing your DD to feature in this wedding, you know that right?

Please stand up for yourself here, it doesn't matter what her excuse is. There's no excuse in fact. She think you're fat and doesn't want you in her photos, that's the bottom line. That's beyond insulting. With friends like that, what traits would your enemies have? How much are you prepared to tolerate?

DontmindifIdo · 30/04/2013 20:03

Been thinking again, she really can't use her sister as an excuse, while her sister making a fuss might be why she did this, your 'friend' effectively decided her having a quiet life by not upsetting her sister was more important to her than your friendship - she doesn't really like you that much because she's prepared to throw away your friendship in order to avoid a couple of sharp words with her sister. That's actually very selfish.

youmaycallmeSSP · 30/04/2013 20:21

Shock what a mean thing to say! And the update doesn't make it any better either. How... odd.

I must admit I rather thought it worked the other way around: if you're drop-dead gorgeous then you will never be a bridesmaid :o

youmaycallmeSSP · 30/04/2013 20:24

...which is why I've once never been asked, natch.

Floggingmolly · 30/04/2013 20:37

She dumped you from bridesmaid duties on the say so of her sister and then told you it was because you're too fat? I hope she's an ex friend now, that sounds nuts Hmm

MrsCampbellBlack · 30/04/2013 20:46

I have read this thread like this Shock

I mean if she'd said to you 'look its just going to be too awkward with my sister for you to be a bridesmaid' - well you may have been a tad miffed but would have understood.

But to say its because you're too fat! Honestly - she must be really very dim indeed.

Xales · 30/04/2013 20:50

If her sister is causing this, what are the chances OP will get get an invite to the wedding rather than just the evening do? Or hen night? Her sister is obviously going to be there plus by the friend's comments OP is going to be 'too fat' to be in any of the group photos at all (unless she stands her behind others).

Your 'friend' is trying to make you feel sorry for her so you don't feel angry. Pressure is no excuse to be a bitch. She is a nasty bit of work. You are better off gracefully withdrawing from the friendship if you can.

If she still wants to get the children together can you drop off and collect later rather than go in for coffee if you don't want your DC to miss out?

Xmasbaby11 · 30/04/2013 20:51

That's disgusting. You do realise she's not a real friend?

Squitten · 30/04/2013 20:53

So her sister is as nasty as she is. Must be a family trait...

It make no difference OP. Her sister should grow up and your friend should have told her sister to get over herself. I really would be avoiding the wedding at this point.

ShadowStorm · 30/04/2013 21:50

Ouch.

Thats a really, really horrible reason to not pick a good friend as a bridesmaid.

And her whining about what 'pressure' she's under doesn't justify her behaviour. If her sister's pressuring her into not picking you as a bridesmaid because of past history between you and her sister, then why not just tell you the real reason, instead of making insulting comments about your size?

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 30/04/2013 22:05

Blimey! I would have thought that telling you that you are not a bridesmaid cos sis doesn't like you would be less painful that some shite about your weight!

The sister sounds like a right piece of work (way to go on getting the guy, btw!!)
Glad DH agrees with the holiday plan Smile

InLoveWithDavidTennant · 30/04/2013 22:06

walk away and plan that holiday with your family.

no one needs shitty school girl drama like that! and if anyone asks... tell them the truth.

still very Angry on your behalf

DontmindifIdo · 30/04/2013 22:12

shipwrecked - you have a good point, the 'friend' chose a far more hurtful reason than the truth, why would you do that? Why not say "look, you know my sister doesn't like you, and I'm under a lot of pressure in the family not to have you as my bridesmaid, she won't go if you are my bridesmaid and my mum will feel her loyalities are split, I hope you understand I can't let my wedding be the cause of a big family row." and the OP would be sympathetic - still be there for her etc, but instead, the bride called her oldest best friend too fat to be in her photos!

IME, people normally lie about their reasons to do things to make their reasons sound better, not worse. Therefore, of the two reasons she's given, I'm tempted to believe the 'too fat for my photos' reason, usually the one that puts the person telling the stories in the worse light is the real one.

YellowTulips · 01/05/2013 00:59

As I see it you have 2 options.

  1. Go on a fab holiday with DH
  1. Go to the wedding in an amazing dress looking a damn site better than the BM's (lets face it I certainly haven't seen many REALLY flattering BM outfits since Pippa got McQueen'd - Zilla's don't actually want BM's to look THAT good) so its not going to be hard to do regardless of size (even supermodels look shit in peach satin!)

It would be a no brainier for me - I'd be by the pool somewhere hot with a glass of wine next to a DH that clearly shows a lot more moral fibre and sense than your "friend".

Wine for your DH and Flowers for you - life is too short for shit like this!

verytellytubby · 01/05/2013 07:04

She's a cruel bitch. Dump her.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 01/05/2013 07:18

She's listening to her cow of a sister.

She thinks you're overweight.

She isnt a friend, she's a bitch, get rid. And her sister really needs to get over it!

Finola1step · 01/05/2013 07:28

So she's under pressure from her sister. Rather than tell you this, she comes up with a really personal comment about your weight. Why does she do this? Because in that moment her comment revealed what she really and truly thinks of you.

Keep your head held high and have nothing to do with this horrible woman's wedding (hope it pisses down on he day, if it even goes ahead!)

edwardsmum11 · 01/05/2013 07:34

Yanbu, I would end the friendship now tbh.

Bunbaker · 01/05/2013 07:46

My sister is overweight. She was my bridesmaid because she is my sister. End of.

Original poster
grrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 01/05/2013 08:02

2 morning now I have woken up thinking about it and its still really troubling me, so I have decided that after the school run I will invite her round for a coffee and a chat, too many things are buzzing round my head and I think I need to sit down and have a chat. Mutual friends (inc a bridesmaid) has spoken to me and asked why I was in the party and asked if we had fallen out, so I told her developments hardly a surprise but she was Shock too.

Just need to sit her down and probably say because of whats happened and the way I have been treated I do not want to continue with the friendship, I can not see any way forward as even if we do make peace the next 13 months are going to be a nightmare and whenever something is mentioned about the wedding it will stir up these feeling again.

OP posts: