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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that good friend did not ask me to be maid of honor?

259 replies

grrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 29/04/2013 17:56

One of my best friends is getting married next year, on a girls night out she mentioned that she will picking bridesmaids and maid of honor in the next few weeks, we have been good friends for 7 years and I thought I would be included, but at the end of the day its her wedding and she can do what she wants.

On facebook I saw a few of her friends were delighted to be chosen for either a bridesmaid or maid of honor, did not really give it much thought other than oh well.

Saw friend today who wanted to explain why I wasn't included, she said although I was her best friend and wanted me to be maid of honor she asked another friend as they are slim and would look better on the photo's. :( I was ok with not being included, but wish she had not explained her reasons why. Feeling really hurt.

OP posts:
MostPeopleAreMad · 30/04/2013 11:40

Shock What a nasty piece of work your 'friend' is. What a horrible thing to say. Shame on her. And Flowers for you.

seriouscakeeater · 30/04/2013 11:43

Shock nasty bitch! Don't bother going... Or if you do spend the entire time face bombing Grin

flowery · 30/04/2013 11:45

Good on your DH. I would do exactly the same, no way would I go to the wedding.

Original poster
grrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 30/04/2013 11:53

Well yes I did see her this morning, I tried to avoid but she cornered me on the way out. I said look I am a little upset about what was said yesterday and please allow me some cool off time, she explained she never meant to hurt me, and if I knew what pressure she was under she would understand, I said nothing would make me treat you the way I was treated, apparently there is more to it, but I said I got to go as have a lot on.

Spoke to a few RL friends and they are Shock too.

OP posts:
Cerisier · 30/04/2013 11:55

Some people have no idea of the way words can hurt. They can't be taken back and wound for years. What a shallow, thoughtless woman your friend is OP. Disgraceful behaviour.

Your DH's idea to take your holiday then is an excellent one.

QuintessentialOHara · 30/04/2013 11:56

Not making it better is she? She is under pressure not to have you in the wedding party. What a shitty way to behave....

makingdoo · 30/04/2013 11:57

This is awful OP. So glad you told her that you are upset. Don't let her turn it around to her being the poor stressed out bride.

She is supposed to be your good friend and she has treated you really badly. She knows this and is doing her best to get you to tell her it's ok. It's not ok, no matter how you look at it.

Distance yourself from her and plan a great holiday with your DH.

SanitaryOwl · 30/04/2013 12:00

I like the way you've stood up for yourself. Make sure you DO take that holiday next June!

Pressure, my arse. My big FAT arse.

MissLurkalot · 30/04/2013 12:02

Well done OP, you handled that bloody brilliantly.
Now, get on with your life, leave her behind.
I do not care what excuse she has to offer you.. She trampled all over your feelings, good and proper... All for this do called bollocking 'pressure'.
Please see this as a good thing.. A real 'light bulb' moment.. To ditch this friendship and to concentrate on more deserving relationships in your life.

angelos02 · 30/04/2013 12:03

She is an utter bitch. I wouldn't speak to her again if I were you. It is unforgivable. I don't care what 'pressure' someone is under, you do not treat people like that. No decent person would even notice someone's appearance when chosing their wedding party. She's a bit over-obsessed about her wedding day. I give it 6 months.

Finola1step · 30/04/2013 12:03

Hi OP. Yep, she knows she done wrong. I agree that she now wants you to say all is ok. This would then free her to carry on with her plans, guilt free and you will say no more. She's just hoping you shut up and don't cause any trouble.

All this fuss for a wedding that's not even until next year. Lets hope she respects your wish for some space.

Mumsyblouse · 30/04/2013 12:05

How horrible for you, but you are soooo in the right and she will look back and be ashamed at her crassness and stupidity. Please don't go to the wedding, it would be very hurtful for you, you have to believe, like your husband does that you would be doing THEM the favour by surrounding them by good friends who love them, and if they don't feel like that about it and would rather have a perfect photo, good luck to them.

Bibs123 · 30/04/2013 12:07

I hope she gets a big boil on her nose for the wedding... and puts on 3 stone!

Finola1step · 30/04/2013 12:09

Just had a thought. I wonder if her chosen bridesmaids know that they have been chosen for their size and not because it is a mark of how much the bride values their friendships? I would be very uncomfortable if that were me.

It wouldn't be me though because I am more of a 16 than a 6. I have had some experience though of being friends with someone a lot slimmer and gradually getting the sneaky feeling that the only reason they are friendly is because some skinny women think having a fat mate makes them look even better in comparison.

Areyoumadorisitme · 30/04/2013 12:21

Well handled OP, you made your point but kept your dignity, which is remarkably hard to do!

quoteunquote · 30/04/2013 12:22

Dear (stupid exfriend's name)

Inspired by the concept of adding symmetry to ones life, I have decided to do so,

There is not enough depth in my life to balance out, so much shallow,

Therefore in the interests of keeping an equilibrium , I know you will understand, you have to go.

good luck and all that,

grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

NatashaBee · 30/04/2013 12:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GreenEggsAndNichts · 30/04/2013 12:28

pressure. So it's okay to exclude your best friend from your wedding because of pressure. From whom?! So when her sister gets married, will your 'friend' be dictating who is in her wedding party, too?

You are well rid. Please don't cool off. She's hoping you'll calm down and things will go back to normal and you'll help her choose dresses and whatever the hell else. You know, because you're good for that, but not good enough to stand up there in one of them yourself. Angry bitch.

FreedomOfTheTess · 30/04/2013 12:33

You handled that fabulously grrrrrrrrrrrr

If it is her sister putting pressure on her, not to have you in the wedding party, she should tell her sister to fuck off.

Quite honestly, if my sister had done anything like this, I would have done. And if my sister didn't like it, she'd have been the one excluded from the wedding party.

I'd definitely book that holiday, you really don't need a 'friend' like this one.

fuzzpig · 30/04/2013 12:41

God. What a bitch.

I am a bridesmaid next month, I probably weigh as much as both the bride and her sister (other bridesmaid) put together. Oh and my arms are covered in scars as I self harmed for years. Does she care? No, because we are friends.

pigletmania · 30/04/2013 13:29

This makes her sound even worse Shock. I think you are seeing her true colours coming out now. If she cannot stick up for herself against her mum and sister she has no backbone. I don't think in te 7 years you really knew her. Op she does not sound very nice at all, I would be coolin things off in the friendship. Whatever pressure you have you do not treat anyone like that especially somebody who is supposed to be a close friend

pigletmania · 30/04/2013 13:31

Grrrr I wouldn't have been so pleasant to her and would have told her straight

SarahAndFuck · 30/04/2013 13:48

OP that was a cruel thing to do to you.

And it makes no difference what pressure she is or isn't under, she should never have given you that particular explanation.

The 'pressure' comment now is an excuse. She has behaved like a shit. She knows she has been a shit. You know she has been a shit. Now she is worried that you will tell everyone else what she said and they will think she is a shit as well. And on her wedding day, half of her guests will still be thinking that she is a shit as she walks down the aisle with her skinny bridesmaids.

Nobody wants to be the shit in the wedding dress.

So she's trying to make you feel sorry for her because she said something nasty to you. It's damage limitation for her own benefit. She is not your friend. If she was your friend she would have said that she was sorry for being a shit and hopes you will forgive her.

My best friend has struggled with weight problems for most of her adult life, caused by a disability, and has also suffered from some hair loss which has been linked to PCOS. She was next to me as my maid of honour in all of my wedding photo's and if anyone had tried to suggest she shouldn't be they would have regretted opening their mouths to say a word against her. I just wouldn't have allowed it. She's my best mate.

JParkson · 30/04/2013 14:03

PS size 16 isn't a bad size! I was that size when I got married, and at my sister's wedding too (where I was grudgingly given the MOH slot, as her 'best' friend couldn't make it due to getting a boob job... Hmm )

Floggingmolly · 30/04/2013 14:31

Symmetrical photos, eh? Hmm. Hope it pisses down all day.