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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who should pay?

115 replies

wellhellobeautiful · 23/04/2013 13:31

DP and I live together and his DS lives with us just over half the time. I'd say 60:40.

We're planning a two week holiday to a long haul destination over the summer holidays. DP is expecting me to go halves on all the costs but I don't think that's fair.

He also wants us all to share a hotel room. For two weeks I've said no way.

He thinks I'm BU because we're 'a family'. I just want my own bloody space and to enjoy the holiday I'm already forking out for.

Who is BU?

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 23/04/2013 13:32

How old is the son?

HoHoHoNoYouDont · 23/04/2013 13:32

How old is DS?

sheeplikessleep · 23/04/2013 13:33

How are finances normally split?
Do you have a joint account?
Do you both work full time? etc

Original poster
wellhellobeautiful · 23/04/2013 13:33

Oh yeah kind of an important point! DSS is 6.

OP posts:
wannabedomesticgoddess · 23/04/2013 13:33

YABU.

I assume you knew he had a son when you got with him.

SoupDragon · 23/04/2013 13:33

6? Were you planning for him to be in a room alone then?

LemonBreeland · 23/04/2013 13:34

Depends on the age of the DS and if you really do see yourselves as a family.

It sounds tbh like you would rather his DS wasn't coming, which sounds rather unwelcoming.

squoosh · 23/04/2013 13:34

6 is a bit young to be in a hotel room by himself.

sheeplikessleep · 23/04/2013 13:34

I wouldn't be comfy with my 5 and a half year old in a hotel room by themselves tbh.

Original poster
wellhellobeautiful · 23/04/2013 13:34

We both work. I'm freelance but earn about the sane as him.

We share the mortgage, bills, weekly shop, car costs, etc. what's left over after that is ours to spend on ourselves.

OP posts:
LemonBreeland · 23/04/2013 13:36

6 year old in his own room really? YABU

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 23/04/2013 13:36

YABU on both counts.

You should split the cost equally/pay from joint account.

6 is too wee to be in a room on his own.

DragonMamma · 23/04/2013 13:36

YABU

It's his son. He predates your relationship so you take them both or not at all. I'd pay half too, seems mean to not to, especially if you live together.

I don't really like sharing bedrooms abroad with my 2 dc so I pay for a family room (if it isn't ridiculously priced)

Tortington · 23/04/2013 13:36

if you want to go pay half - but get a separate room - we all need a shag on holiday.

if you don't - don't go.

I think you are a family and its a shame for the little boy you don't see it like that

I wonder how all the other bills are split then
I mean
do you have conversation like

"i'm not paying for coco pops as only DSs eats them?"

NatashaBee · 23/04/2013 13:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HoHoHoNoYouDont · 23/04/2013 13:37

Depends on your accommodation. A separate hotel room would be unreasonable, he's far too young but a two bed apartment would be ok.

As far as costs are concerned I really think it depends on the relationship with your partner. I know you took him on with the kids but it doesn't mean you take on the expense too. What about the child's mum, is she contributing?

SoupDragon · 23/04/2013 13:37

If you have separate finances then I can kind of see your point about you not paying for his DS.

However, are you a family or not?

Tortington · 23/04/2013 13:37

there will be a sitter service surely?

BlueberryHill · 23/04/2013 13:38

I don't like sharing bedrooms either, esp in a hotel with no where else to go, could you change the accommodation? Get an apartment, family room etc?

How long have you been together? It sounds like a while, you are a family, I'd split it half / half.

DamnBamboo · 23/04/2013 13:39

YABU. He is 6 and should be in the same room (unless you want your own room, but that's no fun).

Re the cost thing, if you don't do household budgets and joint finances, and you're both ok with this, NU for him to pay.

Who earns more?
Do you like his son?

takeaway2 · 23/04/2013 13:39

YABU. Custardo - I have a family member who's like your conversation eg. She has a list in the kitchen where she lists out who owes who money (they are now married and are expecting a child). So it's a case of A owes B £1.23 for milk, shoe polish, tea bags...!!! Madness.

ALittleBitOfMagic · 23/04/2013 13:39

YABVU . If you normally half everything else why is a holiday different ? And you cannot expect a 6yo to have a hotel room to himself . In fact I doubt the hotel would allow it . Of his Dm for that matter

OutragedFromLeeds · 23/04/2013 13:39

If DSS is living with you over half the time, then you are a family. If you don't see it that way perhaps, for the benefit of the child, you should rethink your relationship with DP.

Jan49 · 23/04/2013 13:40

Could you go to a 2 bed apartment rather than a hotel? If you're expecting a 6 y.o. to be in a separate room in a hotel then YABU.

givemeaclue · 23/04/2013 13:40

Yanbu. are you a family? Not really, he is your partner and he has a son. The son is not yours.I don't think you should support the son financially he is not your responsibility and you aren't his step mother.

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