Who should pay?

[wellhellobeautiful]

DP and I live together and his DS lives with us just over half the time. I'd say 60:40.

We're planning a two week holiday to a long haul destination over the summer holidays. DP is expecting me to go halves on all the costs but I don't think that's fair.

He also wants us all to share a hotel room. For two weeks I've said no way.

He thinks I'm BU because we're 'a family'. I just want my own bloody space and to enjoy the holiday I'm already forking out for.

Who is BU?

[MrsBeep]

How long have you been together? Is this your first trip away as a 'family'? Do you see yourselves as a 'family'?

I think there are so many factors to this. I think perhaps you should be paying your share and he should be paying his and his sons. Then anything else like spending money can work on an adhoc basis. I think you'll have to share a room...he's 6!!!

[BlueberryHill]

takeaway2, are you ever tempted to amend the list slightly just to see what happens?

[givemeaclue]

Interconnected rooms are fine, you keep the door open between the two.

[ALittleBitOfMagic]

*we're 'a family'

If you dont consider your stepson family you shouldn't be with his dad I find that comment very sad

[fuzzywuzzy]

If money outside of bills is spent according sperately then I can see your point.

You cannot expect a 6 year old to be in a seperate room.

[givemeaclue]

You can be with someone without wanting to be a step parent to their child

[livinginwonderland]

YABU. he is six. he's far too young to have his own room.

[imour]

yabu you are a family , you cant treat his son as if he is extra luggage .

[Fairylea]

Yabu.

You're a family aren't you?

Should my dh treat my dd differently to our ds as long term that's what this will turn into...!

All money is family money. A holiday all together is a family holiday so financially should be shared.

You can't expect a 6 year old in his own room in a hotel! Maybe if you have a villa obviously or whatever but otherwise no way !

I'd imagine your dh feels very hurt.

[80QuidYoniJob]

YABU.

[OutragedFromLeeds]

Not if the child is living with you giveme.

[MortifiedAdams]

He thinks I'm BU because we're 'a family'. I just want my own bloody space and to enjoy the holiday I'm already forking out for

^^this nakes you sound like a horrible person.

[Wallison]

^^You can be with someone without wanting to be a step parent to their child

True. Although in that case you really should find someone without kids.

[GlitterySkulls]

erm, he's 6, where the fuck else is he going to sleep?

i find it a bit off that the child lives at your house the majority of the time, but you're not willing to go halves on a holiday. you should be a family, none of this "i'll pay for myself & you sort your kid out" malarkey.

it's weird.

[olgaga]

The best solution here is to go self catering and get a two bed apartment.

Welcome to the world of family "holidays".

[givemeaclue]

Op is not married to her dp! Why does she gave to be financially providing for his son?

[OutragedFromLeeds]

It's understandable that you want an adult only holiday, could you leave DSS with his mum and do a family holiday another time?

[Fairylea]

It doesn't matter married or not... she's living with him, paying mortgage etc. That's as committed as it gets really isn't it.. !

[LtEveDallas]

If you want to go on this holiday then you will either have to share a hotel room or you will have to fork out for a single room, possibly adjoining your DP and his son's room.

This will cost more, but what is more important to you?

I think maybe you should rethink the holiday as you don't sound that interested TBH.

[WorrySighWorrySigh]

I wouldnt want to share a hotel room with my own DCs for that long. Would a two room apartment be possible?

[WTFisABooyhoo]

it really depends on whether you have decided to go on a family holiday or not. if you have then you are going as a family and should halve costs and if in a hotel, all share the room. if you want a break from family then why have you agreed to plan a holiday with a child when you dont want a child there or the expense of the child? why haven't you just booked a couples' holiday?

[DamnBamboo]

Fairylea plenty of married people with the same children would not agree with the notion that all money is family money.

It's not my view, but not everybody puts everything into one big pot.

FWIW, I have an SD and 3 DSs and they all get paid for from our joint account, although nowadays DSD doesn't come away as often by choice.

[GlitterySkulls]

givemeaclue - because the boy lives in her house 60 % of the time.

she presumably knew he had a child, if she didn't want to do the whole family thing then she shouldn't have started a relationship with a man with a child.

[OutragedFromLeeds]

giveme if you're living as a family, you're a family, a piece of paper saying you're married means diddly squat.

[Floralnomad]

I don't have step children and maybe if I did I would look at this differently but I think this is really sad . I hope this little boy doesn't pick up on the vibes here because I'm sure if he knew it was this much of an issue he would prefer not to go on the holiday . I just can't understand why people get involved with people who have children if they don't want to 'take them on ' as a complete package .