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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to expect the bride to pay for the whole bridesmaid outfit?

103 replies

Bridesmaid · 14/04/2013 10:48

I am a bridesmaid soon and the bride has gone to a lot of trouble to design and buy dresses. However, this is all she is buying.

We have had to buy our own shoes (which are bridesmaidy so I am unlikely to wear them again).

We are doing our own hair and makeup, which we are happy to do, but again we have to buy any accessories or makeup we need. (Again, pink blusher, which I will NEVER re-wear!)

Am I being mean?

Its just that I am not exactly well off and my sister, who is also bridesmaid is a student. She also keeps changing her mind about what she wants us to wear and my sister had ended up buying the wrong pair of shoes that she can't return. (Bride would say that the first pair are fine, but they are low heeled and my sister desperately wants high heels because she lacks confidence and thinks she's fat).

AIBU to expect the bride to buy a bridesmaid "outfit" not just a dress.

OP posts:

AThingInYourLife · 14/04/2013 10:50

YANBU

Sirzy · 14/04/2013 10:50

I think its fair enough expecting you to pay for some bits but only if you can pick them yourself.

I would buy shoes that you like and will wear again (obviously which look ok with the dress) and would only wear make up I was comfy with.

JennyPiccolo · 14/04/2013 10:51

Can't you wear your sisters makeup?

DuttyWine · 14/04/2013 10:52

Why does the blusher have to be pink? Has the bride said that?

Theicingontop · 14/04/2013 10:52

YABU. You didn't have to agree to be bridesmaid. IMO if the bride has gone to the trouble of designing and buying the dresses, it's not unreasonable to ask that bridesmaids provide their own shoes.

When my friends got married they had their bridesmaids pay for everything they were wearing, and if they didn't want to then they didn't have to be in the wedding...

fluffyraggies · 14/04/2013 10:53

If the bride knows you are struggling with the cost of the outfit then she is being unreasonable to be so insistent on such details as shoes and make up ( blusher colour? )

Have you spoken to her about this yet?

Also, how many bridesmaids are there going to be?

Isityouorme · 14/04/2013 10:53

If you don't normally wear pink blusher why would you wear it for a wedding?

DuttyWine · 14/04/2013 10:53

How about nude peep toe heels for shoes as they go with anything and can be worn with loads of other stuff?

FeckOffCup · 14/04/2013 10:53

I think the bride is being unreasonable if she is going to be so picky about shoes and makeup, if she wants to be so specific about it and wants you to get stuff you won't use again then she should pay. The shoes and accessories can always be ebayed after but the makeup can't, could the bridesmaids not all club together to buy one makeup set you all share though?

ChaoticTranquility · 14/04/2013 10:54

The bride should pay for anything that she chooses, eg, if she insists on a specific pair of shoes then she should pay for them.

Loislane78 · 14/04/2013 10:54

Sorry, why will you have to wear pink blusher? . Sounds like you're peed about the shoe situation and now going a bit ott.

Best to buy a pair of nude shoes you can wear again and explain to the bride sensibly.

Melpomene · 14/04/2013 10:55

If she has specified that you should wear a particular style of shoes then she should pay for them.

Has she told you to wear pink blusher? I wouldn't really expect her to pay for make up. You can get some for a couple of quid or borrow some.

DragonMamma · 14/04/2013 10:55

YABU

If she said 'you have to buy these specific shoes' then she should pay for them but if she just said you need strappy heeled sandals etc then you should pay for them.

And a blusher, seriously? Costs a couple of quid from Superdrug and you can split the cost with your sister and both wear it. Or use the pink Vaseline on your cheeks.

fluffyraggies · 14/04/2013 10:56

I asked the last question as i think there is a big difference between, for eg. having 2 bridesmaids with the same dress but different shoes, and a whole floatilla of bridesmaids with only one of them wearing different shoes ..... that would look a bit odd ....

AThingInYourLife · 14/04/2013 10:57

If she's specifying blusher she should pay for it.

AKissIsNotAContract · 14/04/2013 10:58

My bridesmaids are paying for their own shoes purely because I want them all to be comfortable and it's unlikely 5 women would all want the same heel height/colour/style. If the bride is choosing them then the bride should pay. I'm also paying for everyone to get their hair and make up done, I don't see why the bridesmaids should pay for that themselves.

CityDweller · 14/04/2013 10:58

It's a minor point of resentment for me that I had to buy my bridesmaids outfit (I helped choose it, but it was v much a bridesmaid dress that I never wore again) for my Dsis's wedding. I was broke at time and her wedding put me massively in debt (also involved transatlantic flight to get there). It was odd, cos usually my sis is hugely generous and we're v close.

When I got married and she was my maid of honour, I let her wear whatever she wanted..

BreasticlesNTesticles · 14/04/2013 11:00

I think the bride should pay for everything, I did. If you have asked someone to be part of wedding, its unfair to then effectively charge them while you decide what they are wearing.

If you're skint and ask someone to be bridesmaid in a dress/shoes/make up of their choice totally different.

TomArchersSausage · 14/04/2013 11:00

I think the bride should pay for all clothes/shoes and accessories she wants her BM's to wear.

Not makeup though. Micromanaging the makeup people wear is taking it a bit far

Original poster

Bridesmaid · 14/04/2013 11:03

Yeah I'm just being grumpy aren't I.

OP posts:

trinity0097 · 14/04/2013 11:04

I bought everything for my bridesmaid (she was 13 so unable to buy things herself, but I didn't expect her parents to pay), this included a strapless bra and shoes, and I paid for her to have her hair put up nicely.p

ParadiseChick · 14/04/2013 11:07

Shoes.

If the bride has said they need to be this specific shoe and nothing else then she pays.

If she has said get a silver shoe or something less specific and is happy for you to choose then you pay.

Getting one shoe to fit and suit everyone is impossible, I think it's perfectly reasonable for bridesmaids to choose and pay for their own, within a certain remit.

strawberrypenguin · 14/04/2013 11:08

I only paid for my bridesmaids dresses but I didn't specify on shoes or makeup etc just let them wear what they wanted and felt comfortable in. Oh and my mum did everyone's hair!

Original poster

Bridesmaid · 14/04/2013 11:10

This whole wedding is just getting really expensive. Its the other side of the country and all the dress fittings are in London so its expensive with trainfares and takes up a whole day for a 1/2 hour fitting!

My mum said she would buy us some hair accessories, which is lovely of her.

OP posts:

Original poster

Bridesmaid · 14/04/2013 11:11

Yeah I'm being silly. I'll suck it up now :-) Thanks for your help!

OP posts:

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