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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to be upset that virtually the whole of MN are mocking my husband?

554 replies

BriansWife · 11/04/2013 20:34

Last night my husband, Brian, made the very brave decision to offer yoni massage via MN. We have both been terribly upset at the response he received, especially the references to him being perverted. I would like to explain that my husband is a professional, and it is only now after studying the Tantra for 17 years, he feels qualified to offer this service. Many could never reach this level of expertise.
I indeed have been lucky to receive many yoni massages from Brian and cannot rate them highly enough. When my friend, Becky, had a traumatic birth I suggested Brian give her a yoni massage. Not only did she find it a very spiritual and pleasurable experience, she has been able to stop dwelling on the birth and is no longer feeling any pain in her yoni. Becky's happy ending has given Brian the confidence to offer his services further afield.
Please be assured that Brian is a very caring man whose only concern is the health and happiness of yoni's, NOT his own pleasure. He posted on MN as he is aware many women experience trauma to their yoni's during childbirth.

OP posts:
Original poster
BriansWife · 11/04/2013 21:23

Karmabitch, (appropriate name?) Brian most certainly does NOT have a massage in return! Shock

I am not pretending to be Becky, ask MNHQ if you don't believe me.

OP posts:
Chubfuddler · 11/04/2013 21:23

God no. I just find the idea of Pervy Brian from hull's wife coming to defend his honour. Sadly it's clearly just a joke.

I've seen a naked rear view of Brian ( and his whip). That's more than enough for me.

squoosh · 11/04/2013 21:24

Who KNEW that when we were attending teenage discos we were being fingered by Eastern mystics and not spotty boys. I feel ashamed I didn't recognise their greatness.

Chubfuddler · 11/04/2013 21:24

To join in the fun though, are you the naughty 46 year old masseuse who joins Brian in his four handers op?

HubbaHubbaHubbaInHoobLand · 11/04/2013 21:25

What other services does brian offer?

coughingbean · 11/04/2013 21:26

Ok some wee just came out Grin

SuzySheepSmellsNice · 11/04/2013 21:26

No, I'm only 33...

crashdoll · 11/04/2013 21:27

"That's surely a degree in flapology (BC Hons*) followed by a masters in Labiatory Skills and a PhD, probably in something like Complex Responses of the Flange and Clunge to Uneven Digital Pressure.
*Beef Curtain Honours"

Posts like these are why I LOVE MN Grin

BeckyhasapainfreeYoni · 11/04/2013 21:27

beckybriansclient and Brianswife* are obviously the same person as I am the REAL Becky and I have the Yoni to prove it!

SuzySheepSmellsNice · 11/04/2013 21:28

Oh sorry, I misread through my tears of laughter

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey · 11/04/2013 21:28

Brilliant, just brilliant.....

Original poster
BriansWife · 11/04/2013 21:28

Brian works on the docks handling fish all day. Yoni massage is a service he provides, not our source of income.

OP posts:
yonithebrave · 11/04/2013 21:28

I booked mine! I'm in for the Yoni massage with a cuppa and chocolate fingers after.

I booked the enhanced package.

OneNightYoni · 11/04/2013 21:29

It was experiencing a yoni massage that got me in the position of having to push a baby out of it in the first place Grin

coughingbean · 11/04/2013 21:29

Ooo a fishy yoni massage

Sneezingwakestheyoni · 11/04/2013 21:29

Does he do any cheap deals, brianswife? I can't afford the train fare and the fingering atm.

coughingbean · 11/04/2013 21:29
Hmm
beckybriansclient · 11/04/2013 21:29

Brian has a number of clients. Im very happy that the other beckys yoni has been handled.

ItsYoniMeMikeOxard · 11/04/2013 21:29

Dear BriansWife, thank goodness you came so to speak. I have been having trouble with my yoni for a while now, but didn't know how to relieve it. I have tried massaging my own yoni, but I don't have any formal instruction in doing it. I keep thinking 'hm, this really is a job for a professional' do you know what I mean? I couldn't ask dh to do it, as he's not sure what a yoni is. Thing is, I can't believe that 80 quid is all Brian is charging - I was so excited when I saw this bargain that all my spiritual waters gushed out immediately. Can you pencil me in for mid-June while I wait for them to fill up again? Obviously I'll be bringing my dh to watch, he's really keen on some guy showing him what to do with his wife's yoni. Thanks!!

KarmaBitch · 11/04/2013 21:29

Beckyhasapainfreeyoni - do you have a vijazzle spelling out Brian's name?? He seems to be going there a lot.

Binkyridesagain · 11/04/2013 21:29

Brian works on the docks handling fish all day so i don't need to wash first then? good to know!

katydid02 · 11/04/2013 21:30

Never going to be able to eat chocolate fingers again now!

YoniOneWayOfLife · 11/04/2013 21:30

Seriously OP, you couldn't register as TheWifeOfBrian Grin

WallyBantersYoniBox · 11/04/2013 21:31

I'm thinking you could add to the recommended "finger buffet" service by also offering a one stop buff, polish and quim trim?

Leaving the customer with a rosy glow at both ends!

Then you could round the fee up to £100 easily.

KarmaBitch · 11/04/2013 21:31

Maybe for new clients Brian could offer them free first time? That would surely drum up more business!! Wink