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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be upset that virtually the whole of MN are mocking my husband?

554 replies

BriansWife · 11/04/2013 20:34

Last night my husband, Brian, made the very brave decision to offer yoni massage via MN. We have both been terribly upset at the response he received, especially the references to him being perverted. I would like to explain that my husband is a professional, and it is only now after studying the Tantra for 17 years, he feels qualified to offer this service. Many could never reach this level of expertise.
I indeed have been lucky to receive many yoni massages from Brian and cannot rate them highly enough. When my friend, Becky, had a traumatic birth I suggested Brian give her a yoni massage. Not only did she find it a very spiritual and pleasurable experience, she has been able to stop dwelling on the birth and is no longer feeling any pain in her yoni. Becky's happy ending has given Brian the confidence to offer his services further afield.
Please be assured that Brian is a very caring man whose only concern is the health and happiness of yoni's, NOT his own pleasure. He posted on MN as he is aware many women experience trauma to their yoni's during childbirth.

OP posts:
MacayoniandCheese · 11/04/2013 22:39

'mouse-shaped'. WTF!?

YoniAWintersTale · 11/04/2013 22:40

Worra

Please change to WorraYoni

Grin
KatyDidTookHerYoniToHull · 11/04/2013 22:40

OK, stop now! I need to get an early night tonight....

May all your yonis be happy ones....sweet dreams!

SophiaTheFirst · 11/04/2013 22:40

Just read the original thread, it has to be a wind up?

There can't really be people like that out there can there? Who think that an OP like that would be well received by women on an internet forum?

What on Earth were they expecting? The mind just boggles.

BriansWife Did you and Brian really think that women would get in touch and volunteer to have their VAGINA massaged by a total stranger that posted on a style and beauty board.

There just aren't words.

YoniLoveCanSetYouFree · 11/04/2013 22:41

Many's the time I thought what's really holding me back in life is an inability to trampoline with a full bladder.

SuzySheepSmellsNice · 11/04/2013 22:41

Errrr rank! Not as bad as some of the things I've Googled thanks to MN though...

Original poster
BriansWife · 11/04/2013 22:41

LittleBairn yoni massage (or YM, the new MN abbreviation) is great both before and after birth, even during to assist in orgasmic birth.

OP posts:
OneFingerSjupesUpTheYoni · 11/04/2013 22:41

My yoni nickname Grin

YoniLoveCanSetYouFree · 11/04/2013 22:42

Sorry, I've thought.

50shadesofknackered · 11/04/2013 22:42

Oh my poor Yoni. I'm not sure it can take much more, I've only just finished laughing hysterically reading Hulldads thread. My Yoni can't take much more.

IamFuckingBrian · 11/04/2013 22:45

BriansWife - of course I've got the right Brian. How many men do you think there are in Hull who give yoni massage? I know you don't want to believe me, but he definitely got carried away last time and finished the job with his Lingam. I can assure you that wasn't my magical feminine waters, or whatever bollocks he calls it, dripping from my minge. That was Brian's cum. And if he can do that to me, taking advantage of me, in my vulnerable state, I am sure he is doing it to others. Ask yourself why Becky's so smiley. She's not a Mormon, nor does she do drugs, AFAIK.

Trace.

WorraLorraYonis · 11/04/2013 22:47

Testing Grin

YonisLittleBairnClit · 11/04/2013 22:47

Oh my Brian I think I will plan a C section....plus you will be booked out now everyone knows Brian the magical yoni whisperer.

WorraLorraYonis · 11/04/2013 22:49

Anyone else think the OP missed a trick and should have called herself TheWifeOfBrian?

MsJupiterJones · 11/04/2013 22:49

The phrase 'trampoline with a full bladder' just made me splutter all over again. I have had to put DS down as I keep waking him up while reading this and the original.

'Sootikin' is beautiful. Something to work on.

Original poster
BriansWife · 11/04/2013 22:52

IamFuckingBrian, I do not believe you. For a start I do not know any Traceys!

OP posts:
twinklestar2 · 11/04/2013 22:53

Worra your last limerick made me and OH DIE with laughter

YoniWheretheSunDontShine · 11/04/2013 22:53

Wife Of Brian,

I have contacted the papers re Brian's magical healing powers, he will probably have full press on door step tomorrow; then queues of women, begging him to heal us all.

People will travel far and wide to be touched by his magic fingers.

HeavenlyYoni · 11/04/2013 22:54

the bit in italics on the sootikin description had me weeing. Just saying.

leesmum · 11/04/2013 22:54

I think id rather put up with a weak bladder and poor pelvic floor muscles than let some qualified Fister sort me out...deary me...
Is this for real???

YoniWheretheSunDontShine · 11/04/2013 22:56

LeesMum,

Don't fight Brian, he will heal you...

Just let him, please.

PseudoBadger · 11/04/2013 22:56

Has Brian also studied Yoniopathy? Less is more....

MsJupiterJones · 11/04/2013 22:57

I just read DH the sootikin definition. He asked if I was coming on to him.

LTP?

Cuddlydragon · 11/04/2013 22:57

Brian,
If you see me walking down the street,
Staring at the sky and dragging my two feet,
You just pass me by,
It still makes me cry but you can make me hole again.

Looking back on when we first met,
I cannot escape and I cannot forget,
Brian, you're the one
You still turn me on,
You can make me hole again.

leesmum · 11/04/2013 22:58

Is rather spend my days pissin my pants.....this is so very odd it can't be true