to be upset that virtually the whole of MN are mocking my husband?

[BriansWife]

Last night my husband, Brian, made the very brave decision to offer yoni massage via MN. We have both been terribly upset at the response he received, especially the references to him being perverted. I would like to explain that my husband is a professional, and it is only now after studying the Tantra for 17 years, he feels qualified to offer this service. Many could never reach this level of expertise.
I indeed have been lucky to receive many yoni massages from Brian and cannot rate them highly enough. When my friend, Becky, had a traumatic birth I suggested Brian give her a yoni massage. Not only did she find it a very spiritual and pleasurable experience, she has been able to stop dwelling on the birth and is no longer feeling any pain in her yoni. Becky's happy ending has given Brian the confidence to offer his services further afield.
Please be assured that Brian is a very caring man whose only concern is the health and happiness of yoni's, NOT his own pleasure. He posted on MN as he is aware many women experience trauma to their yoni's during childbirth.

Too much!!! I'm never going to sleep tonight.

PMSL @ gift certificate for teacher.

God bless Brian

I was still snorting during 3am night feed and again when woken by 5 year old at 5am!

Does anyone else keep hearing Monty Python quotes whenever they read the words "Wife of Brian"?

I have no intention of clicking on the sootikin link, nor of googling it.

I love all the yoni talk

Oh, not to worry quintessential you can request the male equivalent (I have learned a lot today! ) also known as a rub and tug lignum? Lignam? Can't remember what it's called...

Can someone give us the gist? Or is it too vile?

Finally I can take revenge on my husband for pulling me after a horse along a gritty beach, for my 40th birthday (when he sent me for a Tahitan Lava Rock massage)

Brian should give my husband a call.

Brianswife, would he have a problem with a man of the cloth observing?
I would need to make sure it was spiritually appropriate you see.

Yes, your pelvic floor can be greatly strengthened by yoni massage. After my second child I sometimes leaked a bit of wee but now I can trampoline with a full bladder no problem.

Quint, if you are a woman you must have a yoni.

Oh that's good. That's inspired

I think Brian should explain himself on here.

yonitime me too.

I clicked the sootikin link and now I'm going to my bed to cry myself to sleep.

For those who don't want to Google Sootikin....

sootikin

A small, mouse-shaped deposit formed in the vaginal cleft, usually of poorer women who did not wear undergarments - common until the nineteenth century. A sootikin built up over several weeks, even months, of not washing. It was composed of particles of soot, dirt, sweat, smegma (qv) and vaginal and menstrual discharge. When it reached a certain size and weight, it tended to work loose and drop from under the woman's skirt.

Sis....is that your clit or are you sporting a sootikin???

It's mouse-shaped...

Yoni massage, is that like that thing your meant to do before birth to stop tearing?

SirYoni Yes, I do keep thinking "Life Of Brian".

I've also got in my head "I'm yoni, yoni, yoni, yoni" to the tune of "I'm horney".

It's been going around on my head all flipping day, I almost sang it out loud whilst in waitrose

arf, crashdoll MN is so educational isn't it?

good god above sootikin [boak]

The Life of Brian, yes, and YoniBear - explains the outlandish hair....

Which MN section do you think has the dirtiest yonis Brianswife

Oh my. I will definitely need a yoni massage after reading this and the OP. seriously got a wet patch from giggling. Only on mumsnet!