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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to be upset that virtually the whole of MN are mocking my husband?

554 replies

BriansWife · 11/04/2013 20:34

Last night my husband, Brian, made the very brave decision to offer yoni massage via MN. We have both been terribly upset at the response he received, especially the references to him being perverted. I would like to explain that my husband is a professional, and it is only now after studying the Tantra for 17 years, he feels qualified to offer this service. Many could never reach this level of expertise.
I indeed have been lucky to receive many yoni massages from Brian and cannot rate them highly enough. When my friend, Becky, had a traumatic birth I suggested Brian give her a yoni massage. Not only did she find it a very spiritual and pleasurable experience, she has been able to stop dwelling on the birth and is no longer feeling any pain in her yoni. Becky's happy ending has given Brian the confidence to offer his services further afield.
Please be assured that Brian is a very caring man whose only concern is the health and happiness of yoni's, NOT his own pleasure. He posted on MN as he is aware many women experience trauma to their yoni's during childbirth.

OP posts:
CheckpointCharlie · 11/04/2013 22:04

I have Billy Idol's Moni Moni in my head and have had all day.

mombie · 11/04/2013 22:05

sorry for typos, im overwhelmed by what has happened to do...its not me, my yoni made me do it.

mrspinkspanx · 11/04/2013 22:05

There was a thread a bit phoney
Offering a rub of your yoni,
He wants his hands on your cash
As well as your gash,
For what? a load of baloney!

ShowMeTheMeaningOfBeingYoni · 11/04/2013 22:05

"Brian is down from the attic" for some reason that's got me howling more than all the rest of the thread. I missed why he went up there in the first place but I really don't need to know.

mymatemax · 11/04/2013 22:06

My dh has said he will offer the same service for £40 and doesnt mind if you call it a Yoni, fanny or mildred!

YoniTime · 11/04/2013 22:06

How does he make women whole again?

HintofBream · 11/04/2013 22:06

Where is is website? Not that I'm interested........

SuzySheepSmellsNice · 11/04/2013 22:07

Is your DH Toni?

WallyBantersYoniBox · 11/04/2013 22:07

Saddle up and ride my Yoni
I'm in Hull and feelin' lonely
Saddle up and unzip my fly
Sit around and let his thumb pry.
The first step is the longest
When the tantric stroke is' strongest
Check out from the Hull Travelodge Hotel
Saddle up Brian's thumbs and ride Like hell!
Saddle up and ride my Yoni
I'm in Hull and feelin' lonely
Saddle up and make you quim undry
Get on Brian's coffee table and ride.....

Angelico · 11/04/2013 22:07

PMSL :o

KatyDidTookHerYoniToHull · 11/04/2013 22:07

You'll never hear this on "What's the story in Balamory"......but maybe Archie could do a little ditty about it...

PipsWife · 11/04/2013 22:07

I need brain bleach why oh why do I keep clicking the links!!!???

Another one for classics?

YoniiidsAreGreaterThanMine · 11/04/2013 22:08

Lay off Brian, people. He is a very caring person whose whole tantric ideology and massage techniques are based on giving and receiving as well as having and sharing. All his clients love him. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving, we too can share and love and have... and receive.

Thinking of going into business with Brian. Maybe open a massage parlour. I need a marketing strategy {off to leave seedy looking cards in the women's public toilets}

Lueji · 11/04/2013 22:08

Surely this is a wind up?!

Surely not?! Shock

Chubfuddler · 11/04/2013 22:08

There's a link on the original thread. But in all honesty I would rather google dragon butter than look at his saggy arse cheeks again, so don't look. Really don't.

YoniWayisUp · 11/04/2013 22:09

I saw an advert by Brian
And thought "hey! That's sounds worth trying"
I picked up the receiver
said "come fix my beaver,
And make me roar like a lion"

QuintessentialOHara · 11/04/2013 22:10

Excellent.

If your husband looks like either Russel Brand or Jeremy Renner, he can come whip me Yoni into shape!

Original poster
BriansWife · 11/04/2013 22:11

My Brian does not smell of fish, he showers as soon as he gets in from work.

Brian respectfully requests that his clients shower or bath before their yoni massage he smells enough fish at work he does not want to dislodge a sootikin

OP posts:
KatyDidTookHerYoniToHull · 11/04/2013 22:11

Don't click the links, you might end up with a virus and then it won't just be brain bleach that you will need.......

EchoBitch · 11/04/2013 22:11

He makes women feel hole again? Hmm

ShowMeTheMeaningOfBeingYoni · 11/04/2013 22:11

Grin YoniWay

ShowMeTheMeaningOfBeingYoni · 11/04/2013 22:12

I'm trying so hard to stop myself from googling 'sootikin' and 'dragon butter'. I know I'll live to regret it if I do.

YoniMakesTheWorldGoAround · 11/04/2013 22:13

You had me at hello Wink

SuzySheepSmellsNice · 11/04/2013 22:13

Sootikin??

infamouspoo · 11/04/2013 22:13

gwan. google sootikin then tell me so I dont have too Grin