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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want this child to come on holidays with us

838 replies

arabesque · 10/04/2013 11:08

A group of girls I used to share a house with years ago have arranged to go on a reunion weekend to the West of Ireland in June. The plan was to book into a nice hotel, and spend the time relaxing, having nice meals and a few drinks and catching up and reminiscing. However, one of the group has now asked if its okay to bring her six year old daughter as her husband wants to play in a golf tournament that weekend. A child hanging around is going to completely change the tone of the holiday imho. I haven't spoken to all of the group yet but the two I have been in touch with are not too keen either.

AI (or we)BU to think of saying that we'd prefer if it was kept to adults only as it's the first time we've all been together in about ten years?

OP posts:
ArbitraryUsername · 19/04/2013 15:44

Do remember that if she really had hated living with you all and thought you were all so awful when you shared a house, she would have very quickly lost touch with the lot you. And she certainly wouldn't have agreed to go on a weekend away with you all.

She's just being a total arse over it all. She's clearly been spending far too much time hanging out with her DD as she is behaving like she is a 6 up year old too.

I feel a bit sorry for her DD (not, please note, because she isn't going to get to come on holiday with you all). I bet her mum is going to end up like my weird aunt who really, genuinely believed that she was part of her teenage/young adult children's friendship groups and would insist in going to the cinema with them etc. It was tragic and horrific and I was always so glad that my mum didn't try to hang around with my friends.

ArbitraryUsername · 19/04/2013 15:45

MrsMac: your not really a friend is going to become my weird aunt too. Tragic.

MrsMacFarlane · 19/04/2013 16:07

I know. These women who insist that they and their daughters "ARE LIKE SISTERS!!!!" give me de dry boak.

Loulybelle · 19/04/2013 16:15

These women who insist that they and their daughters "ARE LIKE SISTERS!!!!"

Ugh, that annoys me, my daughter is my daughter, im my mothers daughter, we get on well, but we certainly are not like sisters. I have 2 already, i dont need anymore.

MrsMacFarlane · 19/04/2013 16:17

My sister's a judgemental, cantankerous old moose so I certainly don't need another one!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 19/04/2013 16:23

Well - I can only judge from what I have seen on this thread, arabesque - but you don't sound anything like what she has called you, and I hope that you are feeling better about this. You and your other friends have done nothing wrong - nothing.

I am sure you will have a wonderful weekend away - and can I just say how greeeeen with jealousy I am at the thought of long, relaxed lunches, and afternoons spent poking round antique shops - then back for dinner in a boutique hotel!! My boys are older now, but even when they were younger, I would have cheerfully locked them in the shed left them with dh, so I could enjoy a weekend like that, child free.

JaxTellerIsAllMine · 19/04/2013 16:24

oh dear EF just doesnt get it at all. her loss, not yours.

waltermittymissus · 19/04/2013 16:31

She's bat shit crazy that one.

bigTillyMint · 19/04/2013 17:06

Has she got ANY friends?

AllOverIt · 19/04/2013 17:20

What a gripping thread. Sorry it all went sour at the end. No loss really though. She sounds like a loon.

mydoorisalwaysopen · 19/04/2013 17:58

If I have understood the situation it went like this:
Friend asked if she could bring daughter.
Was told no.
Friend Pushed it a bit.
Silent treatment from friend.
Cue much stratigising from other friends and group tactic to expel her from group.
A load of home truths delivered.
I feel for the so-called EF. You lot sound like the worst example of nasty women using exclusion bullying tactics.

Katisha · 19/04/2013 18:07

No, mydoorisalwaysopen, I don't think you HAVE understood correctly.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 19/04/2013 18:08

Thete was always going to be one....

LindyHemming · 19/04/2013 18:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sparkle12mar08 · 19/04/2013 18:11

Mydoorisalwaysopen - shame your eyes aren't - you obviously haven't actually read the thread, sigh.

HumphreyCobbler · 19/04/2013 18:15

Mydoorisalwaysopen - you are the EF! That is the only explanation of your comprehensive misreading of the situation.

mydoorisalwaysopen · 19/04/2013 18:19

I read the thread but only posts from OP. Yes, she was annoying and tried to change things. Still think they games up on her.

mydoorisalwaysopen · 19/04/2013 18:20

Ganged up!

TolliverGroat · 19/04/2013 18:21

Not really, mydoor.

Friend has record locally for bringing DD along to everything.
Child-free event organised. Everyone else arranges childcare.
Friend tells her daughter she can go too.
THEN friend asks if she can bring daughter to child-free event.
Everyone says no.
Friend says "Oh but daughter will be really upset".
Everyone says sorry, but still no.
Friend phones individual to discuss decision further and makes it clear that the weekend she's envisaging with daughter in tow is very different from the childfree weekend the others are envisaging and have organised ("it wouldn't have to be like that?"). Is told No again.
Everyone else books hotel, gives her details to book for herself if she can make it without her DD.
Friend texts individual to try to discuss decision further IN FRONT OF THE DAUGHTER IN QUESTION and is told the decision on the child-freeness is not up for discussion.
At every point she's told that they are sorry, no children, but they would love to see her at the weekend.
THEN friend emails to tell everyone that she has hated them all for a decade or more.

HumphreyCobbler · 19/04/2013 18:22

only if ganging up is the same as insisting on the original plan. The only was EF would have been happy would have been to have ridden over everyone else's views and brought her child to their child free weekend. The only abuse came from EF.

McKayz · 19/04/2013 18:25

Mydoor I don't think you've actually read the thread.

mydoorisalwaysopen · 19/04/2013 18:27

Just think all the emails and strategies and agreeing what texts to send and what replies to email etc was ganging up on her. Yes she was a pain and has form for being a pain but think they should just have said no and left it at that. I feel sorry for her is all.

HumphreyCobbler · 19/04/2013 18:30

They DID just say no and left it that they were hoping to see her.

What else could they do?

LadyBeagleEyes · 19/04/2013 18:32

What were they supposed to do Doors?
She wasn't accepting no as an answer.

mydoorisalwaysopen · 19/04/2013 18:49

The email from FF which OP only gave the gist of sounded heavy handed to me. The whole situation seemed to escalate pretty fast and has obviously ended sadly. This one woman is now alone probably realizing she has been unreasonable and this group of women appear to have decided that she is forever banished.and they agreed to give her the silent treatment and ignore any approaches from their friend to apologize. I agree the friend was wrong to want to bring her daughter, change the plans etc etc. I don't think the punishment fits the crime.