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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want this child to come on holidays with us

838 replies

arabesque · 10/04/2013 11:08

A group of girls I used to share a house with years ago have arranged to go on a reunion weekend to the West of Ireland in June. The plan was to book into a nice hotel, and spend the time relaxing, having nice meals and a few drinks and catching up and reminiscing. However, one of the group has now asked if its okay to bring her six year old daughter as her husband wants to play in a golf tournament that weekend. A child hanging around is going to completely change the tone of the holiday imho. I haven't spoken to all of the group yet but the two I have been in touch with are not too keen either.

AI (or we)BU to think of saying that we'd prefer if it was kept to adults only as it's the first time we've all been together in about ten years?

OP posts:

MardyBra · 18/04/2013 16:19

Do you think she might have seen this thread?

rainbow2000 · 18/04/2013 16:27

Jesus i hope so but she would still play the sympathy game.
Look op at least you all know what she thinks of you so you will be better off in the long run.
Enjoy your weekend and dont let her spoil it dont even think of her.

She is swwnbn {she who will not be named}

NotSoNervous · 18/04/2013 16:53

So sorry things have worked out like this for you OP

FlorenceMattell · 18/04/2013 17:04

Gosh another lurker coming out here .
Feeling a bit sorry for EF now she obviously low esteem. Why did she want to come if she felt that way? Was her daughter a prop to keep you at arms length if she had have come ? Was showing off her daughter a way of saying " look how well I have done"?
Don't feel bad OP enjoy your weekend away, you said way back on here your sister said there is always one who makes demands at a group event, she is right. Nothing you could have done to prevent this.
And if EF is reading this, feel sorry for you, but move on and forget those years, bearing grudge like this is poisonous.

LIZS · 18/04/2013 17:07

omg she's playing the victim card - none likes me , ah poor me , look at me... Perhaps her home life is so miserable she feels the need to take it out on those she is friendly with . However she has been unnecessarily spiteful and it has gone too far . Better off without her company if it is so begrudgingly bestowed, sorry.

kungfupannda · 18/04/2013 17:31

Wow! At least you are all clear on where you stand with her!

Seriously, OP, if she has an issue with every other member of the group, what are the odds of her being right and you all being horrible people as opposed to you all being perfectly normal and her being high-maintenance and weird?!

I have an old housemate/friend who I try to avoid engaging with at all these days - we move in the same broad circles due to a shared sport - because everyone she has ever met has apparently "done her wrong" and she's quite happily to openly moan about it on Facebook. DP has very bravely de-friended her - I'm too much of a coward because I can't cope with the ensuing "Oh poor me, why does everyone treat me so badly, now even KFP has dumped on me from a great height" Facebook-a-thon.

Pendipidy · 18/04/2013 17:45

I would be tempted to reply " well if you felt like that about all of us then why on earth did you want to come?!"

Jelly15 · 18/04/2013 18:55

You and your friends have acted with the utmost reason and fairness and you deserve to have a lovely weekend away. I wish I was more like you an FF. I and a group of friends have always meant to plan a nice spa weekend away but every time we talk about if one particular friend always wanted her teenage DD to come so we change the subject and the weekend never happens. at lack of backbone.

MusicalEndorphins · 18/04/2013 19:38

She can't have her way so is spitting the dummy. Don't bother being upset, you did nothing wrong. She should have simply bowed out if she had no childcare, and not fallen out with everyone.

onedev · 18/04/2013 19:40

Sorry it's ended this way, but totally agree with others that you need to go away & make sure you enjoy the weekend as you've nothing to feel bad about!

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 18/04/2013 19:44

Crikey! Who'd have thought this would end up in this way?

FWIW, it sounds like you're all far better off without this "friend". She obviously has issues and has projected them onto you all.

Luckily there's plenty of time to get your head round all of her shenanigans and start looking forward to your weekend away sans dc.

CrapBag · 18/04/2013 19:46

Good grief!!!!

She is having a right tantrum! If you are all so awful anyway (according to her) then why on earth has she stayed friends and why did she want to come anyway? Oh I know, you weren't all awful to her, she is just having a fit because a) she didn't get her own way and b) she has constantly tried to worm her way around it when she was explicitly told not to take her DD and she has been completely caught out on it because you have all communicated together and all been in on all messages.

Don't you dare feel guilty or let her put a dampener on you weekend.

I know someone who insists on taking her DS everywhere and will frequently rock up with him to an adult only thing, or we arrange something where we don't take our kids but she will say "oh I think DS will enjoy that" and bring him along. Now that she is BF her new DD, its not only DS that comes along but DD and her DH as well! The only problem is others say they don't really mind and then we always get the "but DS is no bother and he is used to being around adults" and no one says anything. Gets right on my tits when I have managed to leave my 3 at home because I am a person and not just a mum and I don't feel the need to be permanently attached to my children.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 18/04/2013 20:00

Let's hope she doesn't book her and her child into the hotel so she can be there and Ignore You.

Sounds crazy but I've seen crazier!

prettybird · 18/04/2013 20:06

TooHecsy makes a very valid point.

Maybe you should have a word with the hotel and see if they would be prepared not to take booking for a woman and child of that name insert EF's name I'm sure a boutique hotel wouldn't want its atmosphere spoiled by screaming banshees unladylike arguments.

cleoowen · 18/04/2013 20:15

Oh dear. A strange reaction. I wonder why she stayed friends with you all if you were so horrible!

I don't think you behaved unreasonably but I guess from her point of view I can see why she got upset. However, her reaction to no was bad. I can't get why she would want to bring her DC but I can see her point of view, although not agreeing with her actions I can see why she got that upset.

The first email made it clear that she couldn't bring her DC and she wasn't allowed time to realise her asking was strange and to reflect on how she would respond to this before you booked the hotel. I guess she felt excluded because it was booked but not for her and angry because you quickly went ahead without her. To her you probably looked like you weren't taking her feelings into account. If she's quite sensitive parts of FF email could have been a little harsh. I wouldn't have liked the idea of you all having discussed me and she probably felt ganged up on.

But you did try and gently tell her on the phone and she just wasn't listening so I can understand why you went ahead and booked it.

You shouldn't feel bad OP and her behaviour is strange but I can kind of see why she reacted like that, bit I am not saying it's justified.

rainbow2000 · 18/04/2013 20:18

Cause obviously people like her dont take rejection to well.But you know what tough shit we all have to hear things/forgo things but we dont all go on like a deluded loon.Because some of us have cop on,something she is obviously missing.

MildDrPepperAddiction · 18/04/2013 20:24

Jesus, she fairly threw her toys out of the pram. Where in NI is she? I could go round and give her a boot in the hole for you if you like? You'll have a much nicer time without her.

claudedebussy · 18/04/2013 20:42

i'm just that she would really think it ok. and i think your forth-right friend is fabulous - preempting her possible showing up with dd anyway. i bet that's what she was planning on doing.

have a great weekend and goodbye to fuckwits.

bootsycollins · 18/04/2013 21:59

Wasn't expecting that! Arabesque your all well rid . Here's to you and your lovely sane friends having a fab weekend

CheerfulYank · 19/04/2013 00:42

What a brat! I agree with NIHubs...you'll have so much more fun this way!

Pannacotta2013 · 19/04/2013 03:20

Wow what a thread! The highs the lows, the laffs the tears. The bratty behaviour.

I'm in the 'you dodged a bullet' camp, and also the 'you've done her a favour' camp - a valuable lesson for her there re social etiquette and maintaining friendships. I am queen of the positive reframe .

K8ster · 19/04/2013 04:29

I think you've dodged a bullet there TBH!....enjoy the weekend

youmaycallmeSSP · 19/04/2013 10:26

Wow, what a loon! I hope you have a lovely weekend away.

GobTheGoblin · 19/04/2013 11:00

Did NI friend and EF friend meet up for lunch, or not yesterday?

Manyofhorror3 · 19/04/2013 11:01

Yeah, any more updates?

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