To expect DP to tell his ex wife to push off?

[Louiseteacher30]

Will try and keep this brief

Basically DP and I have been together just over a year, when we met he had recently separated from his wife with whom he has a 4 year old daughter. At the beginning of our relationship things were difficult; his now ex wife would make life difficult for both of us and this directly effected the behaviour of their daughter who was extremely unsettled. Recently things have settled down and life has become much calmer with less of the angry phone calls (always over nothing) that we saw a year ago.

Whilst DP receives less phone calls, his ex wife has begun texting odd requests for favours, none of which are linked to their daughter. Some of the most recent ones have included:

• Career advice - both are doctors so I can sort of understand that one
  
• requests for support with fixing an email account/ setting up new software on a mobile phone
  
• A very odd request to bring back some duty free for her when we go on holiday
  

DP receives these texts at least 4 times a week, sometimes favours, sometimes mindless drivel.

He appears quite chilled about it all, he sometimes responds, sometimes ignores them.

AIBU to expect DP to tell the ex to push off and get a job/life/boyfriend?

[PenelopePortrait]

BarredfromhavingStella how the hell do you know that OP is his 2nd priority and his DC his 1st?

Just by proclaiming it doesn't make it so, just by hoping that it is doesn't make it so. There are plenty of men and women who do not put their DC's as their priority.

It appears to me that there are some women who cannot believe that their DH/DP's prefer someone else to them.

[ihearsounds]

I really don't understand why there is a problem with being friends with exes. I am friends with a few. Was even out with one last night. Dp doesn't have a problem, he knows there is nothing going on. But then, we do have this thing called trust.. Oh and one of dps exes was also out with me lol.

But if anyone told me who I could and couldn't text, call, speak to, they would be shown the door. I am not a child to be told who is acceptable to have contact with. I will not be controlled in this way. I couldn't be with someone that was possessive, but all this screams lack of trust.

[WorraLiberty]

Op's ex texts her, she replys more or less everytime, her ex asks her to help him with something, so off op pops to her ex's house to help him with something.

Losing the OP hasn't mentioned that he pops off to her house.

All of the examples in the OP are things that can be sorted over the phone...apart from the duty free but then I expect that can be handed over during pick up/drop off of DD.

[BarredfromhavingStella]

Because Penelope that is how life does should work, your children are your first priority-especially if they are 4 years old & their little world has been turned upside down

[flaminhoopsaloolah]

Penolpoe - sadly there are parents out there who do not put their children first...but what has that got to do with the posters on this thread not liking the idea of their DH/DP preferring someone else? Where's the connection?

[Booyhoo]

Some people really are control freaks!! I wouldnt be with someone who thought they had the say over who i texted and dictated what sort of a relationship i had with my ex. My ex and i are my business. Would the poster whinging about finding out a mag was from the ex during sex feel the same if one of her friends had texted her some garbage gossip message that happened to disturb her orgasm? Does your partner tell you what sort of messages your friends are allowed to send you and wjat theyre not? And yes whether some posters accept it or not, some people are friends with their exes. Proper friends who enjoy each others company and share social circles and. Call for a chat. It is perfectly acceptable and healthy

[Xenia]

It is a very very few texts from the mother of his child. I think the poster needs to learn how to change her thoughts so it does not get to her. Or date a man without a child and ex wife - there are plenty around.

I spoke to someone this week who is getting married to someone with children and at one stage she was not even going to let the children attend! I said nothing but she is obviously going to be the step mother from hell with that attitude. I am surprised her husband is prepared to tolerate her.

[Theicingontop]

I don't get it, OP. Ex cheated on DP... Why are you insecure? He had the good sense to leave the marriage, why should him being civil and friendly be a threat to you?

[allnewtaketwo]

How predictable that so many posters blindly assumed the OP's partner had left his ex, rather than the other way round. Cos women never have affairs

[50shadesofvomit]

As your partner is fine with it, yabu. My ex and I text each other 100+ times a week and he has a girlfriend -ow. 99% are non-child related texts. Weve been friends for 16 years and together for 12 with 3 kids so still chat and socialise together. 4 texts is nothing!! Your partner is a decent human being so replies to the texts and helps out the mother of his child. That's admirable qualities that you'd want if you go on to have children with him.

Tell your partner to mute the phone during sex or keep the phone on another room. She's not texting about urgent stuff so should be fine if your partner takes his time to answer.

[Spero]

This child is only 4. She absolutely should be his 1st priority because at this age children have NEEDS, adults have wants. She needs his time and attention in a way the op just does not. I wouldn't want to go anywhere near a man who could not put his children's needs over his own wants.

[PenelopePortrait]

Barred I agree that it should be so, but you told the OP that it was so. Please don't take the advice of Losing , you are & always will be his 2nd priority-his child is his 1st.

You don't know what his priorities are. He sounds like he is trying to do the right thing by everybody but sometimes someone has to be at the bottom of the priority list. In this case it's STBXW and the sooner she gets used to that the better for everyone.

[CheCazzo]

at the orgasming text answerer! WTAF? Stop with all the excuses about perilously ill relatives and the very fabric of life hanging on a text tone! You do know, right, that you can turn the text tone OFF for however long it takes you to do whatever it is you do up there on that highwire of pre-orgasmic ecstasy? What a load of shit!

[BarredfromhavingStella]

From the little she has said about her partner he sounds like a decent human being therefore the child will be his 1st priority & like I said as she's 4 this is absolutely how it should be.

[Spero]

Yup, and as child is so little I am afraid that he will have to talk frequently to his ex, unless you are suggesting that the 4 year old becomes responsible for managing her diary and making plans for contact. So even if you knock on the head all these ghastly intrusive text messages which may interrupt spontaneous sexheh times, he is still going to have to communicate with her.

[Losingexcessweight]

Every other day her dp recieves a text from his ex which is not child related.

I would say that was very frequent in my book.

Sounds like your with a ex pleaser, someone who licks their ex's arse for fear of her being difficult over the child.

Tell him to man up and put her in her place or better still reply to her texts when she texts, but from his phone. She ll soon stop texting when she realizes that you reply every time.

[Booyhoo]

Losing you are hilarious. Clearly on a wind up.

"Put her in her place" ??

Are you in charge of all your partners relationships?

[SoupDragon]

You don't get to tell someone what they can and can't text or take over replying on their phone. That is the action of someone with serious control issues.

[Booyhoo]

And bollocks to her stopping texting just because you were replying. The dp in this scenario sounds decemt enough to not let himself be treated like a child and let his girlfriend text back in his place. If my exes partner relplied everytime id just ring and ask to speak to him myself. What would you do then? Refuse to let him speak? Thats pretty pathetic behaviour and would make you a laughing stock. It would only serve to prove just how insecure you were.

[WorraLiberty]

Only an utter control freak would take her DP's phone and take over the texting.

And I'd be advising him to LTB.

[Losingexcessweight]

Its very common behaviour, i ve known it plenty of times amongst people i know.

[CheCazzo]

You must know some frightfully insecure and uptight people then Losing. I feel a little bit sorry for your partner - has he realised yet that you're so controlling?

[Losingexcessweight]

I haven't done anything i ve suggested on this post, but i would do in this situation that the op is in

[Losingexcessweight]

Matilda