To expect dialogue on here to be civil and diplomatic most of the time?

[cupcakemumma]

Feeling so sick and tired of many threads on this amazing site being poisoned by unkind responses. There is one thing being direct and all, but seriously, I cannot imagine that the tone used by some MN posters would be used outside outside of this place in the wider world and welcomed. Some people seem to enjoy getting a kick out of speaking to others in an over the top spikey way on here, generating responses picking people's words to pieces like amateur lawyers.

What do you all think, or is it just me? Can't we all just get along and support one another and enjoy each other's company in diplomatic way? What is the point of being on here if time isn't spent being pleasant?

[buconfused]

I see a couple of people have said AIBU is not a place for support but I said this on another thread and was challenged. MNHQ came along and promptly told me I was wrong.

It's absurd to assume that people posting in AIBU are 'fair game'. Another excuse to continue the bullying culture of some posters (only a handful). There are some people out there who are very vulnerable and very dependent on advice from MN and that should never be forgotten.

Does anyone really go into aibu for advice though?

No one should be fair game. No one is fair game. And anyone bullying should be challenged and/or reported. But aibu is very robust even within posting rules. Anyone with a problem and seeking advice /support is more likely to find it in a more relevant section.

I completely agree tat the aibu attitude is spreading. I am far more inclined to report shitty posting in chat or relationships. Ome days I have o chose what to report because the 'jeez. Is that all you have to worry about' posts are everywhere.

I wish they could all be corralled into aibu. At least it warns posters that replies will be full on.

No one said they were fair game, just this morning someone has posted in AIBU for advice because it gets more traffic.

If you point out the relevant section, you get called the thread police.

You can't win on MN, no matter what you do.

crashdoll did MNHQ say you were wrong or mistaken?

Instead of AIBU there is:

Chat
What would you do?
Relationships

etc. etc. etc.

Yet posters choose to post on AIBU.

Heat. Kitchen.

OP YANBU. I know AIBU is meant to be a bit more straight talking than the Chat forum but some posters go waay OTT and are downright nasty and unpleasant. I have often found myself wondering, appalled, 'does she actually have children??' because some of the responses are so childishly spiteful or bitchy or rude it's scary to think the poster is actually responsible for rearing another human being.
What amazes me is when a thread is started on a subject that seems fairly innocuous and everyone is discussing it in a fairly amiable way and then someone comes on with eyes narrowed and finger nails tapping ominously and completely turns the thread around into an absolute bunfight, with a handful of equally unpleasant posters only too happy to rally around namecalling, bitching and generally behaving like a crowd of bullies (while the more reasoned posters quietly withdraw from the scene). When the OP eventually realises there's no point in arguing and also removes herself from the unedifying brawl, the bullies then crow about how she's been 'shamed off' the thread.

It's sad though, MaryZ, that some grown women would behave so badly that such a warning would have to be put up.
There unfortunately seem to be some quite thick posters who don't understand the difference between 'straight talking' and 'offensive', or 'witty' and 'insulting and hurtful.'

I think that a lot of replies tend to be in the category of insinuating that someone is not a good parent because of their choices. A quick way to make a personal attack- and a cowardly and hasty thing to do from a distance. A lot of posters try to justify their remarks with semantics (eg 'no one said you are a hard mother! Just we hope you soften up') errrr... Ok so i'm misunderstanding you somehow? This is where it becomes bullying and catty... Like feeding time at the zoo everyone wants a piece of the action...
I am with you OP. Some people need a lesson in conduct certainly.

Sorry, just seen your last post. Yes, I've seen it on a few threads and have sometimes reported posts that seem particularly nasty or personal. Some have been removed, some have been let stand.
It also happened to me recently and to be honest I was really annoyed that the posters who had been agreeing with me on the first two pages of the thread suddenly disappeared when a nasty poster came on and turned a very non controversial topic into a horrible bunfight, joined by another really spiky poster. It wasn't that I wanted everyone to agree with me, but it was the really confrontational and 'fuck off' tone of their posts that made me feel a bit sick. One of the posters had got massive sympathy on here for a difficult issue she was dealing with and it was horrible to see her suddenly behaving in such a nasty manner.

I agree MaryZ. I do try and wade in and support someone who's being unfairly attacked, or report it to MNHQ if it becomes really personal and nasty. But I wish more posters would directly address another poster who's being gratuitously nasty and call them on it. As someone said up thread, you see lots of threads about nasty posting, but challenging it at the time is more effective. I bet a lot of the worst offenders are reading this thread and assuming it's 'other people' we're talking about on here, because they genuinely don't realise how rude and unpleasant they come across in a lot of their posts.

The head is fine Maryz. It's the advantage of never going too long before the next drink.
I have burnt legs though .
I spend all my time coating and re-coating the DC with suncrem but clealy didn't put enough on me.

Excuse the brief derail folks..

I'm much nicer on here than in real life! Am I doing it wrong?

I experienced a lot of very bad stuff whilst growing up and eventually developed the habit of keeping others at a distance. Because every time that I lowered my defences I would be hurt again. Eventually you do stop letting others in. Even DH is on the periphery of my emotional field: I just don't trust humans. You can tell what an animal is going to do by its body language, they don't lie. Humans lie all the time. I am much better at spotting it now, which just compounds the issue as it makes me even more wary.

Being on here has helped though. I can put labels on what happened now and say that no, that was wrong, that wasn't normal, I wasn't to blame for that. So I try to be nice on here.

Arabesque you mention up thread about wondering whether a nasty poster actually has children. I'd suggest that both parents and non parents are equally capable of bad behaviour. I don't have children but that doesn't automatically make me unfeeling or uncaring.

sunny I was thinking the same thing. The bullies and rude bitchy people of the world are as fecund as the rest of them. There's no reason why being a mother makes you a better person.

I think that's a bit of a strawman Lequeen, no one minds people chatting to each other, the thread going off at a tangent etc I assume. It's the purposeful derailment more.

I've never seen a serious thread on here derailed.I've seen plenty of troll threads derailed though.

Laqueen your relative sounds a bit PO to me. Interesting that the same happens to you in RL.

Mary you are passing the buck by saying there should be a stronger warning on there. People should be able to ask what they like and be respected.

If you want a party go to a party! Or stay in Chat.

If you want advice post in the relevant topic.

Lequeen - totally agree, usually these things meander and that's great and makes it a fun place, its only when on a serious thread its not nice.

Usual, I've seen it on quite a few serious threads, if they then turned out to be trolls then I missed that bit, but they may well have. Isn't derailing a troll thread (suspected troll thread I should say) similar to troll hunting which is not allowed though?

My doddery old uncle pops offf to the odd lunchtime classical concert. If I had to haul him out of a moshpit covered in gob and cider,