To expect dialogue on here to be civil and diplomatic most of the time?

[cupcakemumma]

Feeling so sick and tired of many threads on this amazing site being poisoned by unkind responses. There is one thing being direct and all, but seriously, I cannot imagine that the tone used by some MN posters would be used outside outside of this place in the wider world and welcomed. Some people seem to enjoy getting a kick out of speaking to others in an over the top spikey way on here, generating responses picking people's words to pieces like amateur lawyers.

What do you all think, or is it just me? Can't we all just get along and support one another and enjoy each other's company in diplomatic way? What is the point of being on here if time isn't spent being pleasant?

[buconfused]

When I first came to MN AIBU made me laugh so much as there were so many amusing threads & I couldn't get enough, these days unfortunately I find myself laughing less & having frequent breaks from the site as the pure venom & spitefullness (fuck me is that how you spell it?) of some posters is just vile & completely unnecessary.

Like I said previously, i'm blunt but some on here take the biscuit & are simply looking for a fight.

Tbh if vulnerable posters need a lot of support an online chat forum is not the best place to get it.

Exactly. It may not just be the op who is feeling a bit wobbly. People piling in saying I feel sorry for your children or the like doesn't really help anyone. Does it

I'm talking about people who may be feeling vulnerable because they're upset or discussing something personal, which could be anyone who posts on here at a particular time, not a group of 'vulnerable posters'.

if the bile was contained in aibu it wouldn't be as unpleasant as the current trend for it to be all over chat and the like.

I agree with MaryZ about the trolling.

Last week there was a thread about a child with cancer which was distressing for many - the second by the same poster. :( Deleted for 'not being what they seemed'.

I try and remember to be polite etc, but think frustration sometimes gets the better of me. Particularly when the OP / commenter sounds like a troll / shit stirrer I have 'met' before. Or when they come on and say something like 'ladies, this is how you must x y z' which gets right up my nose.

YADNBU It gets particularly stupid when a few posters talk amongst themselves on a thread about something totally irrelevant. That to me is spiteful. Have seen this a lot over the years. Always seems to be some frequent posters/ longtimers. Who by the way dont know everything/ make the rules

The thing is most OPs dont want to come back and talk.
I dont understand why you are explaining everything?

I have caught myself behaving quite badly on the odd-thread, it is quite easy to forget there's someone else behind the computer screen with feelings. On one occasion I stopped posting for a few weeks as I was worried I was turning into a right cunt. I felt doubly bad as I am a very placid, nervy and mild-mannered in real life, but was becoming this vile person, being unnecessarily hostile and cruel to complete strangers.

Whilst I think everyone should behave well on the internet and on AIBU, I don't think you can or should enforce it. It is a forum where people are seeking opinions, some of which they may not like. Posters always have the option to ignore posters they find rude or unhelpful.

I think in many ways it is civilised given the material discussed.

But, divergent opinions are likely given the topics that arise which themselves are largely about disputes and dilemmas.

You often get a split between those identifying with the OP and the "other" person/group, and the discussion here can mirror the differences very acutely.

I view it as quite helpful, whether the discussion is placid or violent.

Christinarosetti,

Someone vulnerable may not be up to challenging but I am not suggesting that the person feeling attacked should be the one doing it.
People who object to tht tone should do it if they think it is a problem.

Also I wish people would stop treating this as if there is one group of people running around bullying and attacking.
People post in different ways at different times. We can all be snappish at times. We can post something funny which sounds rude. We can think we are being funny and fail. We can read something in one context and be fine then in another be hurt and upset.

I have seen someone post and then be called on it only to say 'sorry - I am having a crap day . I didn't mean it to sound so shitty'
Sometimes we can be meaner than we intend. Sometimes people can over react to a remark.

But painting this as 'there are nice posters and then there is one big gang roaming around being rude and shutting down everyone else' is nonsense. And presenting it as fact as damaging because it creates the idea that someone speaking up will be attacked which i don't think is true.
Most of the 'I feel sorry for your children ' stuff is from individual posters converging on an aibu where they think a one line attack isn't a problem.

I totally agree with you cupcake. It's so predictable but so sad. But I do wish MN would stop deleting posts as they actually show up the offenders. Deleting the posts simply wipes their slate clean.

Also allowing people to bump threads up to 1000 posts so that they disappear and nobody sees the offence again. It's classic manipulative playground bully stuff and a bit sad and pathetic.

And maryz I think you've got it wrong it's nothing like a conversation in a pub - Chat is, but there are distinct topics and people ask advice so yes it is a q&a session. People want perspective. Going off on a tangent is fine if it's developing on the theme but more often than not it's obstructive behaviour.

And why do you feel if people are given support after their posts? That's just assuming they are trolls.

I prefer posts to stand too Polly but you simply cannot expect mnhq not to delete posts that are against site rules. It's their website and if they don't delete then racist, disablist revolting stuff will pepper the boards.

I haven't seen a thread bumped to close for years.

Rofl at 'are you very young?"

More than one way to be snarky, eh, step issue? Fine example of passive aggressive backsplash.

Maybe because it's a BH weekend, more people are getting pissed and then firing off posts that are more combative than usual?

I don't understand your point about 'nice posters ... and gangs' Pagwatch. I don't think anyone has described the situation like that.

Unfortunately, the 'I feel sorry for your children' mass responses don't just happen in aibu nor is every thread that goes that way deleted because it turns out that the op is a troll.

I think cumfy described it better than me. The posters seeing posters as other.

I think it's been described in 'them and us' terms on here. But you don't have to agree of course.

OP - AIBU?

MN - YES

OP -NO IAM NOT This = spikey responses!

Steer clear of AIBU!

Just steer clear of AIBU - it isn't a thread for support. In an appropriate place people will be supportive.
The problem lies in the fact that very few people are asking a genuine question. They post because they are perfectly sure that they are entirely reasonable and to others it is glaringly obvious that they are not! People say so, quite forcefully at times. The OP generally comes back with the 'fingers in the ears' response, or they disappear. It is very refreshing, and very unusual, for them to change their minds and say they were wrong.
I don't see how it is helpful for them to have a cosy agreement- people probably are very polite in RL and they will never know the truth.

Bella and Exotic, 'no one should have to stay clear' of a part of this website, so as to avoid the kinds of posters who even have the front to say 'yes I am being deliberately rude' etc. My original post was not one seeking support, it was genuinely seeking discussion over a matter, which to be clear wasn't only centered on the AIBU threads. As other people have mentioned above, over aggression and direct rudeness has been experienced by us on other areas of MN.

Vesta, I think you could be right there!

Usual, you're right in your point about seeking support on an online chat room isn't the best place, but the reality is some vulnerable people will, because the Internet is so accessible and tbh, I should imagine people seeking support on here would never expect to receive rude responses if they need reassurance or help.

Alwayslateforwork - Actually it was a genuine 'Are you very young?' as it reminded me of school with 'grasses' I did consider the optional head tilt but decided it was PA so let it go