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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell dh I'd rather he didn't go out tonight

326 replies

orderinformation · 30/03/2013 21:49

Got home at 9.00pm as been visiting family. Both kids fell asleep in car and we carried them up to bed. I said I'm also going to bed as bad night last night with both kids waking and also clocks change tonight so we lose an hour.

Anyway ten mins ago he says in that case would I mind if he goes out.

I said I do mind because:

  • I will not sleep properly until he's safely home which if he's going now means after midnight at least thus negating the early night
  • I do night wakings as he is very heavy sleeper and never wakes so I would end up waking him up to do it and we'd both be knackered so instead he takes dc downstairs at 7am and I catch up for hour or two. Partic need this at moment as dc2 is three months. But if dh not home until late either he does this still but spends tomorrow knackered. Which you might say is not my problem but it is if it ruins our family Easter day or he needs afternoon sleep. Or I don't get my lie in catch up which is fine if tonight is ok but not if it's another bad one.

So I said in all honesty because I am so tired I'd prefer him not to and he said ok but is now downstairs sulking and I am upstairs feeling bad though am bf and then going to sleep and at least won't be lying here awake until he's safely home.

Aibu?

OP posts:
pictish · 30/03/2013 22:58

Enjoying himself.

RatPants · 30/03/2013 22:58

You'd worry if your dh wanted to spend time with his friends? Surely that isn't healthy. All the relationships in our lives need nurturing, not just the marital one.

thornrose · 30/03/2013 22:58

Oh believe me THIS is not a "kick" Grin

LaQueen · 30/03/2013 22:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentZigzag · 30/03/2013 22:58

I think I would too LetMeAt, but then I wouldn't make the mistake of asking, much better to inform.

Flojobunny · 30/03/2013 22:59

Also can't sleep til you know your DH is home safe? Where on earth do you live? Afghanistan? He's a grown man and you are treating him like one of your DC.

pictish · 30/03/2013 22:59

My dh is sitting right here.
He thinks you're scary too!

maddening · 30/03/2013 23:00

Yanbu on account of v small bf baby - 3 mths = growth spurts and if he goes out he will not be able to take dc at 7am (6am old money) so you can catch up. Regardless of the sleeping till he gets home discussion (and when feeling vulnerable with a v small baby it is understandable).

YellowDinosaur · 30/03/2013 23:01

Ffs.

I love my dh with every fibre of my being and he is my best friend but the thought that sitting in the lounge with a can while he slept is the same as a night out with my mates is, quite frankly, a fucking joke.

Since when did becoming joined at the hip and incapable of enjoying time out separately become part of the marriage bourree?

BoringTheBuilder · 30/03/2013 23:01

Well pictish, I am sure your girls night out was planned, you didn't get home with your 2 children, youngest being 3 months old and declared were going to bed thinking you could relax knowing your husband would take charge.

DisappointedHorse · 30/03/2013 23:01

Sorry but this is just plain bizarre, it's controlling and it's selfish.

It's not the kind of thing DH generally does but plenty of other men I know wander down the pub by themselves sometimes. They chat to folk in the pub, have a couple of drinks and there is no harm done.

Each to their own I suppose but if DH ever told me I couldn't go out because it was an inconvenience to him not only would i be incredibly resentful, it would set alarm bells ringing in a major way.

StuntGirl · 30/03/2013 23:01

I went out to a gig the other day without my partner. I didn't see him all day; went straight from work, had dinner in town and then stayed out for the gig, getting home at 1am.

I must hate my partner!

knackeredmother · 30/03/2013 23:02

YANBU, it's not about being controlling its about needing your dh to not be tired tomorrow. Also when you are spending all evening bf you really need someone else around if the other dc wake up/you need a drink etc.
And I know what you mean about not sleeping until your dh comes home, I'm the same and I am in no way controlling. It's just one of those things about not relaxing properly until those you live are home safe and being on sole duty.

ladymariner · 30/03/2013 23:02

What yellowdinosaur so succinctly put it......[bugrin]

nars · 30/03/2013 23:02

jeez why don't some of you just fuck off this thread if you find the op's worries so pathetic

take your own advice and ignore the thread

LaQueen · 30/03/2013 23:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YellowDinosaur · 30/03/2013 23:03

Thanks dyac for bourree Hmm which clearly should be vows...

ladymariner · 30/03/2013 23:03

Oooh, shite grammar now..... [bublush]

Plus3 · 30/03/2013 23:04

Do you not think you are being (ever so gently)wound up ladies?? (Innocent face)

Facebaffle · 30/03/2013 23:04

YABU.

What plans have you got for tomorrow?

When was the last time he went out? Is this a regular thing or a one off?

WorraLiberty · 30/03/2013 23:04

LaQueen, I suppose we could stick a can of beer in his hand and dress him up a bit?

It's all I can find as I'm out of paper and paste

travellingwilbury · 30/03/2013 23:04

He will be in the pub by now .

He has nodded and smiled and waited to hearsnoring and us now whooping if up with a pint in his hand .

LaQueen · 30/03/2013 23:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thornrose · 30/03/2013 23:05

What do you think he's going to do that will make him incapable of getting up at 7 am? What about men who work nights or work away from home, how do you think their partners "cope"?

pictish · 30/03/2013 23:05

What was he scheduled to do between 10 and 1 say?
Take over what? Everyone is in bed.

Take over sitting in the sitting room? Take over watching telly? What?

There was nothing going on.

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