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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell dh I'd rather he didn't go out tonight

326 replies

orderinformation · 30/03/2013 21:49

Got home at 9.00pm as been visiting family. Both kids fell asleep in car and we carried them up to bed. I said I'm also going to bed as bad night last night with both kids waking and also clocks change tonight so we lose an hour.

Anyway ten mins ago he says in that case would I mind if he goes out.

I said I do mind because:

  • I will not sleep properly until he's safely home which if he's going now means after midnight at least thus negating the early night
  • I do night wakings as he is very heavy sleeper and never wakes so I would end up waking him up to do it and we'd both be knackered so instead he takes dc downstairs at 7am and I catch up for hour or two. Partic need this at moment as dc2 is three months. But if dh not home until late either he does this still but spends tomorrow knackered. Which you might say is not my problem but it is if it ruins our family Easter day or he needs afternoon sleep. Or I don't get my lie in catch up which is fine if tonight is ok but not if it's another bad one.

So I said in all honesty because I am so tired I'd prefer him not to and he said ok but is now downstairs sulking and I am upstairs feeling bad though am bf and then going to sleep and at least won't be lying here awake until he's safely home.

Aibu?

OP posts:
RatPants · 30/03/2013 22:19

If he said he was going to bed and you wanted to go to the pub would it be a problem op?

WorraLiberty · 30/03/2013 22:20

Why does going out for a drink, automatically mean he's going to be tired and cranky tomorrow?

I can stay out til the early hours and not be tired or cranky the next day at all.

YellowDinosaur · 30/03/2013 22:20

Yabu for all the reasons stated. UNLESS he has form for not being able to go out for a couple and getting so pissed tomorrow would be ruined. Can't you talk to him and make it clear that if he goes out he must still get up in the morning with the kids and not let his hangover spoil the day?

pictish · 30/03/2013 22:20

Why not?

pictish · 30/03/2013 22:21

Sorry that was to boring.

Zatopek · 30/03/2013 22:21

On the night's my DP goes out (usually once a week), I ask him to go out after the bedtime routine but once at least one is in bed (preferably two), he is free to go out.

What I don't like is the fact I am always up with two DC from 6 (and one of them still wakes in the night 2-3 times). I usually wake DP at 9 with a cuppa but sometimes there's a lot of lounging on the sofa the next day so I must admit I sometimes resent the goings out for what happens the next day.

But if your DH is going to be business as usual the next day and your children are both asleep- You are pronably being U.

AgentZigzag · 30/03/2013 22:24

I know the DP has responsibilities as a DP and as a Dad, but some posts are talking as though he's a teenager, putting good behaviour clauses into him being allowed out.

nars · 30/03/2013 22:27

blardy hell if my dp said he wanted to go out alone on a sat night without me i would start worrying!

nars · 30/03/2013 22:27

jeez is he 17?

pictish · 30/03/2013 22:28

Why nars?

BoringTheBuilder · 30/03/2013 22:28

pictish, because he could wake up to see the children during the night because OP had a bad night last night?
because it is a family day for them tomorrow?
because he can drink at home saving him time and money?
because they are supposed to be a team?

my husband drinks alone in the sitting room watching tv or playing in his ipad.
he does go to the pub too sometimes, but I prefer when he stays at home tbh

YellowDinosaur · 30/03/2013 22:29

but why should OP stay at home alone in charge of the kids and worried about having another bad night and her husband can go to the pub and enjoy himself?

For the very simple reason that the op wants to go to bed. And her dh wants to go to the pub. She is not being forced to look after the kids so her husband can paint the town red. Imho she is being very dog in the manger about this although having suffered the sleep deprivation that 2 small children brings I do sympathise with how she is feeling even though I think she is being unreasonable.

SminkoPinko · 30/03/2013 22:29

This reply has been deleted

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pictish · 30/03/2013 22:33

Yes he could...and I'm sure he will, on many other occasions. Just not this one.

Family day...and? That's tomorrow.

He can drink at home and save money? Whoop whoop! Sounds fun. Who needs conversation?

He's also an individual.

StuntGirl · 30/03/2013 22:34

Unnecessary pinko.

BoringTheBuilder · 30/03/2013 22:34

I know the question isn't for me Sminko, but if OP is like me o leaves in a similar place where I leave, coming home after certain hours in the night is dangerous. My H was mugged a few times and had lucky scape. Some of the times he hadn't being drinking. One of his friends got blind on one eye just for being at the wrong place in a wrong time (bus stop, after work. going back home) when a gang fight broke out. Other was stabbed on the neck over nothing, someone stabbed him for fun.

nars · 30/03/2013 22:34

because it wouldn't occur to my dp to shoot off up the pub (or wherever) on a sat night alone. it's a bit weird imo

sminko that is an incredibly offensive post? did you mean to sound so rude?

pictish · 30/03/2013 22:35

Weird how?

BoringTheBuilder · 30/03/2013 22:35

not leaves, LIVES

SminkoPinko · 30/03/2013 22:35

It's a serious question. I was wondering about anxiety or depression.

HotCrossPun · 30/03/2013 22:36

SminkoPinko OP not being able to sleep properly until her DH is home doesn't mean she has a mental illness. Where is the link?

SminkoPinko · 30/03/2013 22:38

Why is it offensive? Having a mental illness is very common and might explain why someone lies awake worrying about someone who has popped to the pub, ordinarily not a worrying occurance.

nars · 30/03/2013 22:39

weird as I would worry if my dp wanted to go off alone on a sat night, blokes going out on a sat night is a pretty alien thing to me, my dad wouldn't do it my dp wouldn't either - would be a bit offended if he wanted to quite frankly!

pictish · 30/03/2013 22:39

Offended why?

Whoknowswhocares · 30/03/2013 22:40

Being honest, it would never occur to me to stay up worrying because a grown man had gone out. Presumably he managed before you got together? What help is worrying about something you have no control over going to achieve?
As long as he does his agreed share of the childcare tomorrow and not leaving you to pick up his slack,I don't think you have any right to stop I'm going out. He is a grown man and has the right to choose for himself! Yabu