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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell dh I'd rather he didn't go out tonight

326 replies

orderinformation · 30/03/2013 21:49

Got home at 9.00pm as been visiting family. Both kids fell asleep in car and we carried them up to bed. I said I'm also going to bed as bad night last night with both kids waking and also clocks change tonight so we lose an hour.

Anyway ten mins ago he says in that case would I mind if he goes out.

I said I do mind because:

  • I will not sleep properly until he's safely home which if he's going now means after midnight at least thus negating the early night
  • I do night wakings as he is very heavy sleeper and never wakes so I would end up waking him up to do it and we'd both be knackered so instead he takes dc downstairs at 7am and I catch up for hour or two. Partic need this at moment as dc2 is three months. But if dh not home until late either he does this still but spends tomorrow knackered. Which you might say is not my problem but it is if it ruins our family Easter day or he needs afternoon sleep. Or I don't get my lie in catch up which is fine if tonight is ok but not if it's another bad one.

So I said in all honesty because I am so tired I'd prefer him not to and he said ok but is now downstairs sulking and I am upstairs feeling bad though am bf and then going to sleep and at least won't be lying here awake until he's safely home.

Aibu?

OP posts:
pictish · 30/03/2013 22:51

You guys are kinda scary! Confused

LaQueen · 30/03/2013 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ladymariner · 30/03/2013 22:51

Controlling much........

Whoknowswhocares · 30/03/2013 22:51

I dare say the lounge is a perfectly pleasant place and he indeed spend many a happy evening there.
But why should a grown man be dictated to about when and where he can go when it does not impact on his sleeping partner? What gives any partner the right to dictate to the other?
Would the same answers be given if the genders were reversed? I doubt it.

AgentZigzag · 30/03/2013 22:51

Because scrabbling around for weak reasons as to why your DH should do as he's told could be described as controlling Boring.

I don't like people generally wouldn't say I'm a very sociable person, but I believe some find other peoples company on a weekend evening quite stimulating and enjoyable.

How does him wanting to go out for a pint equal him loathing himself?

nars · 30/03/2013 22:51

lol i would worry if my dp preferred to spend sat night with his friends rather than his family but then again his life doesn't revolve around the local pub thankfully

op has said her dc2 is 3 months old am sorry but i think she needs some tlc and understanding from her dh at this time.

BoringTheBuilder · 30/03/2013 22:52

Well, sorry for having an opinion and for my opinion being different to yours
I thought I was allowed?

SminkoPinko · 30/03/2013 22:53

Sorry if I sounded abrupt but sleep problems are very common with anxiety and depression. It is not that common to lie awake worrying for no reason.I think that unless orderinformation's husband is a horrible drunk or liable to stray or something like that it is quite unreasonable to pressure him to stay in. I genuinely wondered about an anxiety disorder.

NotMostPeople · 30/03/2013 22:53

YAbu. Suggest that he pull his weight tomorrow, but otherwise I don't see what the problem is.

thornrose · 30/03/2013 22:53

Wow, I'm fascinated by this thread. I've been single for a while, granted, but when did it become so horrifying/weird/worrying for a partner to want to nip out for a drink on a Saturday night?

ladymariner · 30/03/2013 22:53

If she was awake and wanting to spend thine with him then fair enough but nars she's asleep!!!!!

WorraLiberty · 30/03/2013 22:53

op has said her dc2 is 3 months old am sorry but i think she needs some tlc and understanding from her dh at this time.

YY but surely when she's actually awake to witness it?

Or is he to make some sort of camcorder greeting for her to wake up to?

WinkyWinkola · 30/03/2013 22:54

Better to go out and have fun.

Unless he has form for either rocking up home at 4am and waking all and sundry or being incapacitated the next day.

Dh and I know that whatever we do socially, separately or otherwise, that we have to function the next day unless previously agreed between us. Not least so the other knows he/she is a lone parent versus crowds the next day.

He often is shite at functioning the next day though.

LaQueen · 30/03/2013 22:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LetMeAtTheWine · 30/03/2013 22:55

He must be a reasonable bloke. If my OH said that he didn't want me to go out then he went off to bed, first thing I would do is head out the door...

ladymariner · 30/03/2013 22:55

Make sure it's able to nod though, laQueen..... A lot!

nars · 30/03/2013 22:55

the op has said she can't sleep well when her dh is out. her baby is 3 months old.

mn is dead odd these days. are all your husbands out on the razz hence you are on here and it's the only kick you can get?

thornrose · 30/03/2013 22:56

I feel like I've strayed into an alternative universe. Am I dreaming?

LaQueen · 30/03/2013 22:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentZigzag · 30/03/2013 22:57

Fucking hell, I'm often shite at functioning without any alcoholic input Winky Grin

pictish · 30/03/2013 22:57

I was out on the razz last night.
Not really. I met four friends for a drink in the pub. I was home by 1.
I'm such a weirdo.

Flojobunny · 30/03/2013 22:57

YABU, unless you are working tomorrow and have to get up at a set time then how do you lose an hour? The clocks change but a 3 month old doesn't know that.
He's an adult. Why are you trying to control him? Are you always this needy?

MomaP · 30/03/2013 22:57

I wonder if OP is reading this or whether shes already happily sleeping while her DH twiddles his thumbs enjoys his Sat night in the lounge. Alone.

LaQueen · 30/03/2013 22:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OhDearieDearieMe · 30/03/2013 22:58

Maybe he didn't eat all his greens at dinner? He's clearly a naughty boy who will just go out and spend all his pocket money on drink! This must never be allowed!