To tell dh I'd rather he didn't go out tonight

[orderinformation]

Got home at 9.00pm as been visiting family. Both kids fell asleep in car and we carried them up to bed. I said I'm also going to bed as bad night last night with both kids waking and also clocks change tonight so we lose an hour.

Anyway ten mins ago he says in that case would I mind if he goes out.

I said I do mind because:

• I will not sleep properly until he's safely home which if he's going now means after midnight at least thus negating the early night

• I do night wakings as he is very heavy sleeper and never wakes so I would end up waking him up to do it and we'd both be knackered so instead he takes dc downstairs at 7am and I catch up for hour or two. Partic need this at moment as dc2 is three months. But if dh not home until late either he does this still but spends tomorrow knackered. Which you might say is not my problem but it is if it ruins our family Easter day or he needs afternoon sleep. Or I don't get my lie in catch up which is fine if tonight is ok but not if it's another bad one.

So I said in all honesty because I am so tired I'd prefer him not to and he said ok but is now downstairs sulking and I am upstairs feeling bad though am bf and then going to sleep and at least won't be lying here awake until he's safely home.

Aibu?

Purely to reply to the OP, I'd say it depends on what your husband means by nipping out for a drink. If it's two or three pints and he's just socialising a bit on a Saturday night because you are shattered and not going to be awake for company, fine. If he's more likely to get bladdered and show up at 4am without his shoes, covered in sick, and out of action all day tomorrow, then YANBU.

Basically, if he's a thoughtful sensible partner, you don't need to worry.

When dh and I were together I'd go out way more than him. His job involves driving so he couldn't go out drinking much. I used to put up with so much crap before I went out though. He'd wait up questioning me on the nights events. He had issues obviously...

Cheryl that's a personal experience. You can't relate it as if it were a fact for all or even a majority of women.

It's certainly not among my friends and family.

I am 100% more sociable than my DH and always have been.

He's quite shy and a home body. He's happy to stay home and do his own thing rather than go out with his mates.

I'm completely different. I have a wide circle of friends and unlike him, I know almost everyone in our street by name.

He knows this about me and would never dream of trying to curtail me for any reason ever.

That's as it should be Worra...for both sexes. I have friends who are equally sociable and they argue all the time about going out...they BOTH go out about twice a week with their own friends....when one goes, the other is jealous and gives the partner a hard time.

It's totally beyond me....when you're with someone in a couple, you're meant to be their advocate. To want them to be happy and to have a good life...how can not wanting them to go out and socialise be good?

Cheryl I disagree with you. Maybe women in your circle don't get out much...but I would say that within mine, it's pretty equal between the sexes.

Precisely Neo

Accuse me of anything but saying that I am the one piss taking on this thread is a bit rich.

Weird thread

I find this all very strange. I spent most of yesterday out on a friends party boat whilst DH stayed and took care of DS1, I came home when I wanted and didn't feel like DH was waiting for me to take over?
DH and his friends don't have big nights all that often but when they do they have form for pulling all nighters and waking up on sofas ( way it is on this island, if I lived in a big city I'd be far more dubious about it from a safety aspect) - I'm more than happy for that, I like the time for myself, I can read, watch movies enjoy a few glasses of wine and go to bed without worrying that DH will come in drunk and wake me and DS up. But what makes me laugh is that I'm far more sociable and have far more nights out than DH right now. If he was to say that he wanted me to stay in because he couldn't sleep without me is ludicrous.
I don't ask my DH "permission" to go out but I grant him the same respect that he would give me. That is what partnership is about is it not?

Purely to reply to the OP, I'd say it depends on what your husband means by nipping out for a drink. If it's two or three pints and he's just socialising a bit on a Saturday night because you are shattered and not going to be awake for company, fine. If he's more likely to get bladdered and show up at 4am without his shoes, covered in sick, and out of action all day tomorrow, then YANBU.

My thoughts too.

If he is normally a sensible sort of DH then YABVU. Poor man.

I know where you're coming from OP because I'm similar at the moment but also know I am BU when I say I'd rather DP didn't go out.

I have a 4 month old DD3, before she was born I had no issue with DP going out, in fact it was lovely just being able to watch my soaps without him complaining!!! :) but roll onto now and being sleep deprived and I have to be honest it's nice knowing he's home but for me its knowing he's in charge of DD1&2 if they wake. I am absolutely exhausted and if I had to get up for them in the evening as well as in the night for DD3 then I'd be annoyed plus potentially get disturbed when he got in.

But I have to say deep down I know I'm BU because i rarely get disturbed when he comes in and DDs dont often wake in the evening but its a comfort thing almost like i can just switch off.

Anyway enough rambling, just wanted to say that things always feel differently when sleep deprived.

Sorry, YABU.

I don't sleep well when DH is out either, actually. Not because I worry, I just semi-wake, realize he isn't there, and have to think of where he is for a minute. But that's not his problem.

I go out without him, he goes out without me. We have friends besides each other.

pictish I agree. It is pretty much 50/50 with the people I know. However in terms of me and dh, I go out more than him, even if it's just popping to a friends house for the evening.

I love my husband but couldn't spend 24/7 with him. I found it very hard when I moved somewhere new and didn't know anyone. I enjoy mixing with people.

He needs to join MN LaQueen and we'll tell him to stand up to her for once!

I mean...Nars, who said that she would find it weird and be offended that her dh wanted to go out at the weekend without her.
"Because he wouldn't be with me!"

And Boring who thinks that she would rather her dh stayed in, even if she was sleeping as it's "still sort of together".

I dunno...sometimes this site makes me mighty glad to be me.

And it makes me mighty glad to be single.

Good for you pictish!!!!!

It is good for me Boring - and that's the point.

yep. we can agree on this one
I bet making people feel bad about themselves makes you feel even better. [buwink]

I am that homebody
I practically shove DH out of the house in order to enjoy a blissful silent evening with my book
Bonus points if he brings me home some pizza.....