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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell dh I'd rather he didn't go out tonight

326 replies

orderinformation · 30/03/2013 21:49

Got home at 9.00pm as been visiting family. Both kids fell asleep in car and we carried them up to bed. I said I'm also going to bed as bad night last night with both kids waking and also clocks change tonight so we lose an hour.

Anyway ten mins ago he says in that case would I mind if he goes out.

I said I do mind because:

  • I will not sleep properly until he's safely home which if he's going now means after midnight at least thus negating the early night
  • I do night wakings as he is very heavy sleeper and never wakes so I would end up waking him up to do it and we'd both be knackered so instead he takes dc downstairs at 7am and I catch up for hour or two. Partic need this at moment as dc2 is three months. But if dh not home until late either he does this still but spends tomorrow knackered. Which you might say is not my problem but it is if it ruins our family Easter day or he needs afternoon sleep. Or I don't get my lie in catch up which is fine if tonight is ok but not if it's another bad one.

So I said in all honesty because I am so tired I'd prefer him not to and he said ok but is now downstairs sulking and I am upstairs feeling bad though am bf and then going to sleep and at least won't be lying here awake until he's safely home.

Aibu?

OP posts:
QuickLookBusy · 30/03/2013 23:56

YANBU

The OP cannot sleep until her DH is safely home(I'm the same and have a very valid reason, maybe the OP has one too. We don't know as she seems to not be coming back. I wonder why??)

The OP has said she NEEDS an early night, she says she had a bad night last night, she needs her H to help early tomorrow so she gets a lie in. If he goes to the pub tonight she says he will be too tired tomorrow to be of much help.

So here's a very tired mum with a 3 month old baby asking for a bit of support. But lets just stick the boot in and take the piss. Not very nice at all.

Creamtea1 · 30/03/2013 23:58

Got bored of the OP's original subject, but am intrigued by nars - surely it's a trollibob??

BoringTheBuilder · 30/03/2013 23:59

MagicHouse you sait it ALL.

WorraLiberty · 31/03/2013 00:00

But its always the men going out for a pissup, the women, not as much. Definitely a huge unequal balance going on

You don't know that though Cheryl surely?

I imagine there's going to be far less threads from women saying "Oh by the way, I'm going out for a drink tonight"....than there are from women posting that they're unhappy with their DP's going out.

So unless we hold a straw poll, how would we know?

AgentZigzag · 31/03/2013 00:02

It's OK to not agree with an OP though isn't it QLB?

Because that kind of read as though you were saying disagreeing with them is the same as sticking the boot in and taking the piss.

Nirvana1999 · 31/03/2013 00:04

If the ops DH had declared he was going to an all night rave and popping some pills I could see her point, he'd be in no fit state for family day tomorrow but he just wanted to go to the pub. I think if you're lying awake restless until his return then there are some other issues going on. I feel sorry for him, MOTD is pish tonight.

CherylTrole · 31/03/2013 00:05

I stand by what I said. Do you honestly think more women get a night out than men?

QuickLookBusy · 31/03/2013 00:05

There's nothing wrong with disagreeing.

There's plenty wrong in taking the piss.

There's a huge difference and many of the posts disagree are doing the second thing unfortunately.

QuickLookBusy · 31/03/2013 00:06

Yes Niverna, there may well be other issues. But as the OP has been frightened off, I doubt we will ever find out.

ladymariner · 31/03/2013 00:08

Op is probably asleep, QLB.....

CherylTrole · 31/03/2013 00:09

QLB I totally agree with you.

YellowDinosaur · 31/03/2013 00:09

The op hasn't been frightened off ffs, she is in bed asleep Which was a rather large part of the point...

Nirvana1999 · 31/03/2013 00:10

Maybe her dh has been to pub and back and op is none the wiser, everyone's a winner...

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 31/03/2013 00:11

Yabu really. it's your problem if you're anxious and can't sleep till he gets in. I wouldn't let my DH tell me something like that!

AgentZigzag · 31/03/2013 00:11

Maybe it'd be easier if you drew up some guidelines about where the line should be drawn between disagreeing and taking the piss QLB?

Is a Grin OK?

What about taking the piss out of someone who doesn't like you disagreeing with them? Or would that be seen as taking the piss out of the OP by proxy?

Would I be allowed a small ? I'd try to keep it to myself...

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 31/03/2013 00:12

And if men DO go out more isn't it because they want to? If I wanted to go out a lot then I would. I don't...like a lot of women over 30, I like to stay in and chill...that's fine by me. I wouldn't use that as a reason to stop someone else going out.

WorraLiberty · 31/03/2013 00:16

I stand by what I said. Do you honestly think more women get a night out than men?

More women where? On MN? In RL? What do you mean?

In my circle of friends I'd say it's about 50 - 50

On MN I have no idea because as I said, unless a straw poll is put up, no-one will know.

QuickLookBusy · 31/03/2013 00:18

I hope she is asleep. My "frightened off" comment was referring to the fact that she hasn't been came back since her first post.

And I don't blame her. She was called "controlling" second post in and then the unhelpful comments just kept on coming.

CherylTrole · 31/03/2013 00:18

Neo A lot of women do want to go out though but are not able to for various reasons. Women arent getting their fair share of nights out.

WorraLiberty · 31/03/2013 00:19

Neo A lot of women do want to go out though but are not able to for various reasons. Women arent getting their fair share of nights out.

What women Cheryl where exactly?

In your family? In your circle of friends?

I don't understand?

thornrose · 31/03/2013 00:20

What women though Cheryl? Just the ones you know?

StuntGirl · 31/03/2013 00:20

I agree to an extent cheryl, but how many women refuse to out, or don't want to because they feel they shouldn't? I know I have female friends who could leave their children in the capable hands of friends/family but who refuse.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 31/03/2013 00:21

Cheryl talk about stating the obvious! A lot of men want to go out but are unable too!

It's silly thing to say....if you think women aren't going out because they're not allowed or some such crap then I would say this...yes...there are a small minority of abused women who are controlled to such an extent that they can't go out.

The rest need to woman up and go out. Unless they're shackled or breastfeeding they can go out. If money is tight then neither can go out and if they are allowing their partner more money for nights out than THEY are having then it's their own fault.

YellowDinosaur · 31/03/2013 00:21

Well I go out more than dh. I am much more sociable than him. Thank fuck he doesn't take this 'i'm staying in so why should you go out' attitude. It's hardly loads though. Probably once a fortnight. Because I also enjoy staying in and spending time with him. Does that help?

And qlb i'm not taking the piss out of the op. One of my early posts said I thought she was being unreasonable but I understood because sleep deprivation does that. If there's any piss taking it's to a couple of posters, one who ironically has the user name boring, who are getting on their high horse.

Op if you've misunderstood my posts to be directed at you I apologise and hope you get a good nights sleep and enjoy tomorrow.

CherylTrole · 31/03/2013 00:24

Some people I know, some I have read about, different scenarios. Thats just the general gist of what I know of. Mens nights out just seem to take priority.

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