To be cross, or are our neighbours right to complain?

[MummytoMog]

Genuinely not sure. Our DCs sleep miraculously well and. Consider ourselves very lucky. But DD gets up before we do and plays in her room, so has quite a few toys in there, including a bounce and spin zebra. Our neighbours started renovating their front bedroom about two months ago (I have no idea what's taking them so long) and so moved into the back bedroom, the other side of the wall from DD (who is three). In that time, DD has had a couple of bad nights, one where she woke up at six and was playing very loudly (i woke up and put her back to bed). Neighbours came round to complain at eight, waking everyone up (weekend) and asked if I could take the rocking horse out. So I took out the bounce and spin zebra that DD loves more than her own brother. All good.

Last night DD wakes up at three with an ear infection, much screaming and wailing. I bring her into our room for a couple of hours but she doesn't settle, so I put her in her room with her music box on. She still doesn't settle, and about five she gets up and plays loudly in her room. I go in and put her back to bed, she cries some more. DH spends two hours in bed with her in her room as she cries, bangs her head against the wall and is generally quite obviously unwell. Our neighbours ring the doorbell at eight, waking DD who has finally drifted off, me and DH and DS. I sent DH down to talk to them, and basically they want us to take out every single thing in her room she could possibly make noise with. So that would leave her with a mattress on the floor then? They even said that thy were moving back into the front room soon, so it seems to me they know they're being a bit unreasonable, but I am sleep deprived and possibly being completely unreasonable.

I don't want to be a shitty neighbour, but a couple of noisy nights, when we have a two year old and three year old who slept through straight away, doesn't seem excessive. Should I push back? Should I apologise some more? Should I wait until they have a child and hope they're a screamer then go round and offer 'helpful' advice?

So they did let her know then.

Wow - can't believe how many people seem to think it is unreasonable for people to hear any noise from the house next door!

You are attached to another house, you will at some point hear noises. That's normal. If you want silence, don't buy an attached house.

Seriously, OP is not BU in being annoyed at being called on 2 instances of noise. Just twice - when she has kids over 3 years old? I have lived next door to noisy neighbours, and now with 3 DSes we are the noisy family - but you know what - that's just life in terrace houses.

By all means try and reduce the noise, as you have done by removing the zebra, but they are being very petty in complaining, especially about the piano as well. You are being very accommodating by agreeing to everything they ask of you, but never once complaining about their noise from the renovation.

I think next time you hear them in the evening you should go and politely ask them to keep it down - after all, they don't want to wake up your kids do they?

Most normal people don't go round to other folk's houses after one night though. Normally you go after a week or so, when you're demented after absolutely no sleep.

These people are determined to read stuff into your posts that are not there. I think it is out of order to accuse you of lying, or of saying that your neighbours are more disturbed than you say they are being, seeing as none of us are your neighbour

"These people?" What, everyone?

If you do not live in a detached house, you have to both put up with neighbour noise and be considerate by not making too much noise.

I find it amusing that the OP appears to think 8am is fine for her unsupervised DD to be playing loudly in her room but its not OK for neighbours to come round and complain.

Kirsty

I think that the piano was a different poster.

"they are being very petty in complaining"

Niether we or apparently the OP knows what noise they put up with.

"I think next time you hear them in the evening you should go and politely ask them to keep it down - after all, they don't want to wake up your kids do they?"

that would be a childish thing to do

The time to do this would probably not have been early (for the weekend to my mind) after a night which was clearly disturbed for everyone

So you admit that 'everyone' was disturbed? Op read your own posts, you don't seem as bothered when your neighbours are disturbed but you're bothered when they knock on your door at 8am!!! to ask your family not to wake then up.

If you want silence, don't buy an attached house

I like the way you say that KirstyJC like it's so easy and in everyones reach to buy a detached house?!

The OP said "dd gets up before we do and plays in her room". Not that it happened occasionally but that it was regular and they have already complained about it once.

I would suggest a baby monitor so that if dd wakes early it will also wake her parents and one of them can get up with her and take her to play somewhere the noise will not disturb the neighbors. This way there won't be a regular disturbance for the neighbors and then if there are occasional disturbances for things like sickness or night training it's an occasional issue and the OP would be quite within her rights to ask for some understanding.

But we know there's been at least 3 complaints about noise and it's not a mutual issue caused by poor insulation. If the noise is regular you lose the right to ask for sympathy when there's a genuine cause because you do it anyway. If the OP removes the regular noise by getting up early with her dd then that issue is removed.

But OP, really, complaining about them waking you at 8am is beyond the pale.

Kirsty she said she can't hear them....

You seriously let your 3 year old play alone for two hours + every morning while you sleep? Fooking unbelievable.

You sound like nightmare neighbours!

No, of course most people can't buy a detached house -we certainly can't, and probably never will. That's my whole point - people live in communities, in attached houses - and they make noise! We all make noise, sometimes we can help it, sometimes we can't.

If OPs kids normally sleep through, and have for years, then yes I think the neighbours are being unreasonable in complaining after it happened twice, especially when they knew the OP had removed the zebra after the first time.

Complaining about an ill child crying for a couple of hours - what exactly do they think can be done about that?

And if the 3 year old can play quietly enough for the others in the same house to stay asleep, it can't really be that loud now can it?

Children with ear infections do scream because they are very painful and usually Calpol doesn't do much to help imo. However, I do agree that when a child wakes up you really should take them downstairs, although I also sympathise with the OP because she isn't getting enough sleep and the situation isn't easy.

There are ways to get children to sleep longer like giving them supper before bed time. IME that helps. But until the dd is better from the ear infection of course she will be unsettled at night.

Yanbu at all. In fact you sound very considerate. I would truly tell them that 'off' is the general direction in wish I want them to fuck.
Your poor, ill DD. How dare they? Inconsiderate twats.

Kirsty. This is true. It's also true that part of living in communities is showing some consideration for people around you. Like realizing that if you leave your child to play on their own because think it's too early to be getting up with there is a strong possibility that your neighbors will also not want to get up at that time either.

Kirtsty

"And if the 3 year old can play quietly enough for the others in the same house to stay asleep, it can't really be that loud now can it?"

That would depend on the layout of the house, thickness of the walls, insolation, carpets, it can also depend on the type of noise itself.

"If OPs kids normally sleep through"

As far as I can tell the child sleeps through till she wakes and then gets up and plays. If the playing doesn't wake the OP then she won't be aware of when the child wakes up.

The OP also mentions that they work nights or lates, so they will be on a different cycle of sleep.

Yanbu. Your poor DS. Why complain for just two sodding nights of noise? Agree with Humphrey on this....

Kirsty *

And if the 3 year old can play quietly enough for the others in the same house to stay asleep*

I think the parents working shifts may have alot to do with why they don't hear their DC as much as the neighbours?

The OP has already stated that the DC bedroom has wooden floors, they are hellish for conducting noise.

Cor blimey this thread has gone off!

You are being unreasonable.

Sorry, floorboards and toddlers don't mix, the sound they will amplify and carry is awful.

And I can't believe you put this in her room. Even for the short time you did. Straws and camels backs spring to mind....

Foslady it is pretty bad isn't it?

OP, put anything noisy or electronic out of reach at bedtime. Put a baby monitor in your rooms so you can get up with your daughter. Make sure that you're not ordinarily making intrusive noise then if your neighbors complain when your child is sick you have the moral high ground.

If you're doing things like night training warn them there may be a short term disturbance. But making sure disturbance is minimized normally does mean that when it's unavoidable people mind a he'll of a lot less.

They sound like knobs. Loud music every night yes (welcome to my life with the students two houses down) but not occasional noise from a child playing.