MIL trying to insist that my 12 year old DDs wear their school uniform to a funeral in the easter holidays.

[sandyballs]

WTF? Why? Might be different if I was picking them up from school to go to the funeral.

I told her I thought it was very odd, then she said perhaps just the skirt then!

It's a big catholic funeral and I think she's worried that I'm going to let them turn up in their usual attire of skinny jeans and converse. I told her I'm taking them shopping to buy something smart but she still thinks school uniform is best.

AIBU? Or is she barking.

She's barking but like you said I think she doesn't trust you to dress them appropriately! Charming!

Barking

Barking - and obviously doesn't trust you. Just don't engage with her, tempting though it would be to have a go. Your girls turning up looking suitably dressed will shut her up.

(Sorry if it is the funeral of someone close to you - or MIL, which would explain her stressedness at least).

Not barking. Following a well-established and widespread norm that school uniforms appropriate formal attire for children.

DSiL's DS wore his school uniform to our wedding.

She barking, think you should put them in black hoody black skinnys and black dr martins and obviously black nail varnish for full effect

Surely you will end up buying something that looks like their school uniform if you buy something new? Dark coloured skirt/trouser and jacket? So I can see both sides tbh. Do they need need new school clothing if so buy it and use that?
Your MIL has probably shuddered seeing the Alter boys wearing massive dayglo trainers under their gown and what young people wear to church normally and is in a bit of a panic.

She may also think school uniform in order to avoid the extra expense. When my children have attended funerals I have normally dressed them in elements of their school uniform so I don't see too much wrong with the request. It is a bit of a generational thing - my parents would definitely have expected us to attend in school uniform of blazer and trousers/skirt, but each to their own. I'm sure whatever you choose will be fine!

Whose funeral is it?
If she's very stressed out and upset, then she may be worrying that you won't conform, and your response isn't very supportive.
Do you usually go to church with your DDs?

New clothes won't look anything like their school uniform. They wear a roal blue blazer and a blue/white/cream checked kilt.

I agree she doesn't trust me as I'm ultra casual clothes wise but I do know how to brush up when necessary

Really scaevola!? Well I've never heard of that, ever. Is it a posh thing?

I think school uniform is pretty standard too to be fair. Your mil shouldn't be telling you how to dress your children. But is she maybe just trying to save you money? Think it seems daft to buy outfits.?

My mum has photos of my brother and sister at weddings in their school uniform. That was in the 60's though and at the time my mum and dad were quite poor so probably didn't have money to buy them clothes for one off occasions. I think it was more normal then.

These days it would look very odd! Is your mil stuck in a time warp?

Yes I think school uniform as formal wear is very outdated. True for the fifties and sixties but not now.

It's her aunts funeral and I am being supportive, helping them sort out the will, driving them to places to get organised etc. I don't mean to come across as hard and callous! But I just don't get the school uniform thing!

They would never agree to it and I can't exactly force two 5 ft 7 inch girls into clothes can I, they're not tots.

MIL is not a church goer, nor am I or my DDs, except for guide church parade. I was bought up a catholic though and know the form for these things and I've never seen a full school uniform at a wedding, funeral or baptism.

doesnt sound like their school uniform would be appropriate for the funeral anyway.

I think it is a generational thing. My DMum for instance would have worn her school uniform to something like that (mainly because she didn't have any other clothes suitable). However, she wouldn't expect my DCs to do similar.

I think uniform is a good idea, it's smart, formal, saves extra expense and looks perfectly acceptable at a funeral.

MIL is not bonkers, just has a different point of view than you.

It's a totally old-fashioned idea that was even dated about 50 years ago. If they wear smart dark clothes that couldn't offend anybody. I am quite traditional but even I think she is over the top insisting on this. It's definitely a generation thing but way way back.

It's not the usual black blazer and black skirt/trousers, white shirt combo. It's a royal blue blazer and a lairy checked kilt! It's not a Scottish funeral!

Interesting about the money side of things, I suppose clothes were far more expensive years ago and there was less money, generally. Would make sense to wear school uniform if quite plain.

My dc wore elements of their school uniform to my grans funeral but as in the black trousers, white shirt and shoes for ds and tights and shoes for dd.

If your uniform isn't the standard black/white then it prob isn't appropriate.

I thought it was opposite of posh, or at least wealthy. It's for those who don't want to spend on new formal clothes that may not be much worn. And there is a generational factor, as price of clothing used to be relatively higher and the 'waste not want not' war generation would certainly have seen it as extravagant.

I think Back In The Day, you put your children in their Grammar uniform at any opportunity - for family photos etc. Is MIL especially proud of the school they go to, maybe?

I have never heard of children wearing school unifrom to funerals or weddings. My girls wear red, blue & grey so wouldn't be suitable for a funeral anyway.

Don't argue with her just agree and then dress them as you want. I'm sure you are perfectly capable of choosing something appropriate.

Barking. Utterly barking.

School uniform almost always looks revolting anyway. Get them some black trousers?

I think customs vary widely at funerals. Occasionally - often when somebody younger has died - there's a request to wear bright colours because the family will want the service to be a celebration of a life.

My mother who hates black, wore a blue jacket and a floral dress - her all purpose smart outfit - for my father's funeral. Both my daughter and I wore dresses, but not black. My brothers both wore suits. I think just quieter, smarter, less casual clothes should do it. (If it's a matter of kitting out growing children I'd also not want to spend a lot of money on anything that might be rather one-off in terms of how often it would be worn.) I also think the important stuff is to do with behaviour. Paying good attention during the service. Remembering to greet the immediately bereaved politely and to express sorrow for their loss etc.

If it all gets a bit agitated, would it be possible to contact someone closer to the bereaved person to get a sense of if there were any expectations about how people might look?