MIL trying to insist that my 12 year old DDs wear their school uniform to a funeral in the easter holidays.

[sandyballs]

WTF? Why? Might be different if I was picking them up from school to go to the funeral.

I told her I thought it was very odd, then she said perhaps just the skirt then!

It's a big catholic funeral and I think she's worried that I'm going to let them turn up in their usual attire of skinny jeans and converse. I told her I'm taking them shopping to buy something smart but she still thinks school uniform is best.

AIBU? Or is she barking.

Can you show her (either online or pics or having bought it) what the girls are going to wear, so she is reassured that it is suitable?
And reassure her that it will also be useful anyway for their work experience / interviews / saturday job / orchestra performance / formal dinner / upcoming event (even if that's not strictly accurate), so she feels that it's not wasted / excessive spending.
I have been to several family funerals recently, and children have tended to wear smartish clothes - some but not always bought for the event - but I've not seen any in school clothes (except maybe the black trousers / white shirt / smart shoes were from their uniform).

My mother used to become very controlling about what to wear for funerals. I think it was her way to displace the stress of the bereavement.

I remember wearing school uniform to my grandparent's funerals - as did my db - but that was over 30 years ago. I think it was probabaly to do with school uniform being formal.

Maybe I'm older than most on here but I know it's what tradition dictates in some older families.
Went to the funeral of the mum of a school mate of my youngest and the kids there (would have been 10 13 15 I think) all worse school uniform.

It's hard enough being 12 without some clueless adult insisting you make a fool of yourself in ridiculously inappropriate attire. People will laugh at them for wearing their school uniform during the holidays, don't subject them to that.

My Aunt had my younger cousins turn up at our Grandfather's funeral in hoodies, jeans and Uggs. It just didn't look right, them following the coffin as if they're nipping down the shops. We did say at the time she should've just had them wear their uniforms. Even if they're not black they're still smarter than jeans.

What do your 12 yrs olds feel about it all? Are they willing to wear suitably formal attire for such an event? Are they willing to get something that they may not wear much again (or compromise on something nice but suitable, that they can wear elements of it with usual attire - like a nice top over jeans, or nice trousers under a hoodie - afterwards)? And while it doesn't have to be black, I would agree it should be darkish (navy is nice or perhaps dark purple), school uniform does sound odd for a funeral colourwise in your case.

In fact, given the weather, a nice dark plain jumper over a nice plain pair of trousers/skirt with thick tights would look lovely. Or long dark tunic top over heavy leggings - plain things but suited to their ages and likely to be worn again. I don't think people would raise eyebrows at something like that. They could even wear plain, non-bright scarves as accessory. (Assuming they also have dark shoes, not necessarily "court" shoes, but plain dark ones - they probably have a pair of those for school anyway?).

Even for catholic funerals, certainly here in Ireland, you see teenagers wearing a wide range of garb and, as long as it is suitably "fade into the background" rather than "high shiney fashion and flashy logos", it can be relatievly casual and still be perfectly suitable. I've seen a lot more early teens "fit in" better in something related to their everyday wear but suitably toned down for the occasion than in formal school uniform or suit/formal outfit bought for the occasion. And that's even of very close family members.

I'm nearly 50. Never, ever remember this being requested.

Mind you the last funeral I went to was for a child who died a few weeks short of her sixth birthday so we were all in a riot of flowers and bright colours

My daughter's Muslim twin schoolfriends (family originally from the Emirates) were giving her dress advice before the funeral. (They were all 10 years old at the time.) She told me she had been advised to go wearing all black with a veil. I said that I did not believe this was necessary, and that her Grandma would probably be rather surprised if she turned up dressed in that way.

In the days when kids had very limited wardrobes and it was inconceivable you'd buy new smart clothes for a funeral then often school uniform was the only clothing smart enough for a formal occasion. So it's probably a generational thing.

My husband, who was poor during his primary school years, only owned two sets of clothes, school uniform and "play / gardening" clothes. When they went to town for the day, they had to wear their school uniform. Ignore her, however, it is a generational thing.

What? That is mad. Just dress them how you want. Don't bow down to pressure off her

30 or 40 years ago, most children had far fewer clothes than they do now.
My classmates and I had school clothes, something old for playing in and maybe, just maybe, something suitable for special occasions. However the special clothes would not have been appropriate for funerals. In fact, I don't remember any shops stocking black clothes for children except as schoolwear, I think there used to be a feeling that black wasn't really a suitable colour for children to wear.

So I don't think people had much choice but to wear school clothes to a funeral.

True. There's no real need to do it now that you can go to Asda and get a smart, suitable outfit for less than ten or fifteen quid.

Are school skirts still long enough to be considered appropriate for formal occasions in the UK? I ask because here in Chile the girls wear short leggings under the skirts because they're so short. I'd rather take my DDs to a funeral in semi casual clothes than a school skirt swishing round their knickers.

I've also never seen DC in school uniform for formal occasions, but then I haven't seen DCs at a funeral either.

I agree that your DDs unifrom sounds massively inappropriate for a funeral anyway. They will stand out a mile in bright colours like that.

Just ignore MIL and sort it yourself.

Is she Japanese by any chance?
It's very common in Japan for children to attend ceremonies such as a funeral, in school uniform.

I think people don't always wear black or even formal clothing to funerals necessarily now. It depends what the person who died would have wanted.

Ignore her and get them something sober coloured. I've never heard of this but can see how it might have been normal back when children probably only had playing clothes and school uniform.

i thought all uniforms were considered the formal option. in the past someones uniform (be it school or bus conductor) was often their only smart outfit so considered appropriate. it's a bit old fashioned now i suppose.

my DH can wear his uniform/mess dress to formal occasions.

I am so not getting this harking back to the War Generation thing. Unless MIL is in her 80s or something?

FWIW DD1 has nothing but uniform/deeply casual stuff and DD2 has nothing but scruffy normal stuff so, er, I'd schlep my two to somewhere to get them something vaguely respectable.

Are your kids at a really posh school? Just wondering if she wants everyone to know?

I think he school uniform thing is wierd, I once wore mine, but I had been picked up from school to go.

That's an old fashioned idea, my mum's 'best' clothes was her school uniform.

She probably just wants to show them off, is the school private? My mum would want everyone to know if my kids were at a private school.

I would go for this with these and this on top.

This is the norm in my family.
Up to 16 school uniform, over 16 smart dark suit.

Weddings etc. Suits/ dresses.

All very formal, DCs would prefer skinny jeans and converse also.

Wow lots of replies, thank you all. Interesting to hear that this seems to have been the norm years ago.

I love those H&M clothes motherinferior, thanks. And I could see them wearing it again, they have a school do at a hotel in the summer and that would be fine for that.

It's not a posh school or a grammar, just local high school. My girls don't know about all this yet, they're at school at the moment. Can't wait to see their faces when I tell them and pretend I agree with Nana