To give them NOTHING for their wedding?

[ariane5]

SIL has owed us money for years-repeated attempts have been made to get her to repay but she rarely does, MIL is same AND BIL.

It is an ongoing issue and I've posted before about it.

SIL is getting married soon (huge lavish event £££) and sent us an invite-within which was a request for no present just cash in a card....

She still owes me £310 so I said to dh I am not giving them a penny.

Its bad enough I have to go to the wedding as can't stand any of dh family BUT dcs like their aunty and I can understand dh wants to see his little sister get married although I draw the line at giving the greedy sods any money. DH says he would but I have said over my dead body.

AIBU?

Not that it's any of MIL's business.

Send the text that Faux fox suggested. Don't write off the debt as a wedding present!

I pondered and pondered
And then took a punt
I picked up the phone
And texted the c**t

"Your daughter's a scrounger
It's really not funny
The feckless young cow
Won't give me my money"

MiL was dismissive
That much I could tell
So I'm picketing the wedding
And I'll piss in the well

Yes send Faux's text.

Op-do you find you spineless dh sexually attractive? you cant surely?. Honestly I have had my own mil problems but finally put my foot down last year and dh has been much better since then understanding that dcs and myself now come first.

I doubt very much your dh will ever see the light if he has already allowed his mum to rip you off for £8000-I would leave hin tbh-he will never put you or dcs before them and you will grow to massively resent him for it.

As your SIL will find out at the wedding, the vows to your husband are "forsaking all others" that is pretty all encompassing. You come first. Not SIL.

My retort to the crabby MIL would be "and do you know how stressful it is to have no spare money because your own family have taken it? Well I feel pretty sick myself."

Certainly don't buy any dresses for bridesmaids. Insist on matching new shoes and hair pieces etc.

To be honest they sound like such a bunch of twunts I'd be tempted to just not turn up on the day. The entire family came down with salmonella or something.

Then they'll know the feeling of having money p*ss through their fingers, not a nice experience.

Ariane - I think you're being a bit unfair about your DH. You say he won't stand up to his family, but you won't stand up to yours either.

BOTH your families are sucking you dry - his financially, yours emotionally.

True, but DH situation much easier to untangle with a few words, all he needs to do is ask for our money back they will either say yes or no. The emotional issues within my family are horrendous I wouldn't know where to start with that .

From an outside perspective, yours is just as easy to untangle.

A few words such as 'no I can't be there to look after you tomorrow, DSis' will bring exactly the same reaction as 'we want our money back mum' from your DH I suspect. The emotional fall out is the same for both of you.

I wish I could just take you both away from all of them!!!!

We just seem to be stuck in a continuous cycle of bad luck, bad people and constant illness.

No wonder I eat so much chocolate each day its all I've got to cheer me up!

poems asking for money are so fecking twee. Icky girly namby pamby doesn't have the decency to ask out-right so writes a naff poem

Gah

My SIL's a grabby twunt
Who doesn't repay what she's oweing
She's driving me crazy
She's so effing lazy
I just want to give her a shoeing

Or

I have the in-laws from hell
SIL wants dosh in a well
To pay for the wedding
That I am so dreading
I just want my husband to yell

You need a return poem. How about:

^Thanks for the invite, we will gladly accept
Great poem that you wrote, you can write off your debt!
We've checked our accounts, three one 0's what we need
We'll now write it off and move on from your greed

Have a great wedding day!!^

def NO money.

i'd struggle to go myself. but i do suspect that they'll send you a bill for the dresses.

Text the sil. If you then get an argument, ask your wimp dh whether his children having food and clothes or his sister having everything is more important?

I would speak to her and casually drop in how you're really pleased she's finally addressing her financial responsibilities and requesting money for her wedding present, and ask whether you should help yourself to your share of the money on the day or if you should pop round after the wedding to collect it.

What will happen is sil will pay for the bm and pb outfits. Then tell you you owe her 310 for them so you're quits. Bet you.

I agree with everything catsmother said about a page or so back. Well put.

I spoke to DH, told him that unless debt is repaid there will be nothing in the wedding card and that he needs to make a choice as to whether he will stand up to his family about these debts.
He said he can't do it that I have to ask for the money back.

I explained that if I do that he has to be prepared to back me up if they then go to him complaining.

I tried to get hold of SIL.Nothing.
Tried MIL, she spun a story about splitting up with dp tdh confirmed its a lie) having no money etc the usual stuff.
I politely explained we cannot afford dcs school trips/school lunches and would like repaying.She has yet again promised she will pay it on Monday.I'm not psychic but mon will come and go and I know there will be no money from her.
DH says they just don't want to pay it and however much I ask they won't be any more likely to.

Your DH is beginning to piss me off now, sorry OP, how wet. He needs to deal with this. They are not superhuman, just ordinary tossers he sounds pathetic.

It looks to me like you have 2 choices I'm afraid. You either write off the money and try to make peace with yourself whilst you struggle financially or you issue a small claim.

The cow clearly has no intention of ever repaying you and will keep stringing you along in the hope you'll either give up or you're DH will talk you out of chasing. Hateful.

You'll get your costs awarded if you issue a SC. It may be the emotionally cheaper option in the long run. Once you have the money back, I'd distance myself.

You poor lass, no one deserves to be related to those leeches x

'You now owe me two sixty,
The rest is your gifty'

The last 4 times I've attempted to even talk toi him about it he's been too tired/busy etc I said to him tonight "I need to sort out this debt and wedding situation can I talk to you now? If not what day and what time as it has got to be sorted out"

I asked him to speak to them, he wouldn't so its left to me and I can just imagine the conversations now that he will have behind my back "I wouldn't make you pay it mum but dw is insisting I'm sorry etc etc etc). He really wants me to forget about it and I will not.

I havnt even paid for dd school trip and lunches, I am now getting in debt through no fault of my own when they are sitting around planning more 'extras' for this bloody wedding.

this is dire

i think your dh is incapable of dealing with this right now so i do think it's up to you unfortunately. i would send your sil a text saying you are very upset and stressed out as your kids don't have money for lunch and trips. you want your money back NOW.

Small Claims Court?
In the meantime I would not go to the wedding nor let my DC be bridesmaids, and I would tell SIL & MIL why.