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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

I'm raging at the selfishness of it..

500 replies

Fisharefriendsnotfood · 25/03/2013 06:19

We have 3 dc.. 5,3 and 5 months. Sleep is really really scare at the moment. Dc3 still feeds at least twice through the night and dc1 and 2 have both had endless colds/illnesses.. I am sahm, dh owes and runs own business.

I'm so angry right now. We went to bed early as wrecked from night before, dc1 woke with tonsillitis when we were going to bed, crying when swallowing etc. finally settled them at about 10.30 and went to sleep. Dc3 was up at 11.30, 2, 4.30 and 5. Dc2 woke once as fell out of bed. Dc1 woke once and got up when I was feeding dc3 at 5.

She was burning with fever, crying, miserable poor thing. Gave her calpol and water and put her into our bed. At 6 I woke dh to ask him to get up with her as I had hardly slept.. He outright refused Shock. Said he felt rough and couldn't afford to be sick (referring to work) and didn't care if it made him a prick he was going back to sleep. HmmHmm

I'm downstairs with her now. I'm stunned. I feel like I never ever get put anywhere near his list, never mind the top of it. This is the latest in a long line of my needs not counting. Am raging! AIBU? What do I do now

OP posts:
everlong · 25/03/2013 09:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheOrchardKeeper · 25/03/2013 09:47

That's one thread self-righteously hijacked stressy ...

Maybe you can find someone else to berate now? Smile

SayCoolNowSayWhip · 25/03/2013 09:48

'Slob on the sofa and snooze when the baby snoozes'?

I was barely able to do that with one, when she was (oh so briefly) a snoozy newborn.

How OP is supposed to do that with 3 DCs, one of whom is ill, is beyond me. I'm clearly missing something.

Anyway, this thread is derailed enough.

Fish, I really hope that somehow you can come to an understanding with your DH about sharing the load regards childcare.

monkeysbignuts · 25/03/2013 09:49

My husband is also a director of a limited company. We have 3 kids 5, 3 & 5 months old and if I have a shit night I just have to ask and he will give me an hour extra.
It should be team work with kids because it's bloody hard work.

My husband took our 5 year old son to school for me for the first 3 months. I was breast feeding and baby was waking up every 2 hours during the night (3 if I was lucky)
He sounds like he needs a kick up the arse to me.
If my husband can manage to work 10 hour days yet help when needed then so should yours!
Hugs op it's so tiring some day's x

Creameggkr · 25/03/2013 09:49

Erm ..... Here

she was in the parents bed!! she was dosed up on calpol and had a drink.What earthly reason was there to get up with her?

TheRealFellatio · 25/03/2013 09:49

What do you mean by 'it's been 12 months since I got more than 4 hours sleep' ?

do you mean 4 hours a night or 4 hours uninterrupted?

AThingInYourLife · 25/03/2013 09:51

"This is part of the deal of being a SAHM as far as I am concerned."

Are you the CEO of SAHMs Inc?

Or does your opinion of "the deal" count for sweet fuck all?

There's no standard contract here.

But the OP clearly didn't sign up to any deal that meant she was treated unfairly by a man who admits he is being a selfish prick.

OhChristHasRisenFENTON · 25/03/2013 09:51

I have never been able to do that 'sleep when the baby sleeps' thing, never. And I cannot see how it's feasible with a baby, pre-schooler and sick 5 year old?

Someone tell me how that works please?

LibertineLover · 25/03/2013 09:52

fish I would do what a poster way way back (before the twattery began) suggested, and not do his tea, and say...thought it was every man for himself now? Do your own tea, night! .... seriously though, he said himself, don't care of that makes me a prick...Well it does, of the highest order.

Get through today any way you can, and go to bed as soon as he gets in x

ZacharyQuack · 25/03/2013 09:52

I hope you can get through the day as well as you can Fish.

And that you can get your husband to understand that you're supposed to be a team, not a competition.

(YABU by the way. Fish are delicious)

TheOrchardKeeper · 25/03/2013 09:52

This thread's just become a bit of mother bashing when she needed help for a different issue.

Ok some people are happy to be seriously sleep deprived for the sake of their husbands but many are not. OP is not. I'm aware this is AIBU but if you feel the issue affects you that badly op then no, you are not being unreasonable & shouldn't have to put up with crap on here as well as from your DH.

Hope you're ok Brew

SayCoolNowSayWhip · 25/03/2013 09:53

I imagine that at 6 o'clock, both the younger DCs were awake and up and needing breakfast etc. I'm sure the ill DC, whilst having had magical Calpol and water, was still wanting to be up at the usual time. Plus poor DH was obviously finding it hard to get his previous sleep with sickly DD in bed.

LibertineLover · 25/03/2013 09:54

Fenton you're back!! (Ignores fact you won't know who the he'll I am!) Nice to see you :)

monkeysbignuts · 25/03/2013 09:54

The only way I am managing is by going to bed with the kids at 7:30. It sucks but hey ho it is only temporary

stressyBessy22 · 25/03/2013 09:55

Not being self righteous at all.In fact quite the opposite.snoozing on the sofa while your kids stare at the goggle box is hardly being self righteous is it?
I do think people need to teach their Dc to be a bit more independent though, for just such occasions.A 3 yo shouldn't need assistance getting back into bed , or going to the toilet and should be able to make himself a sandwich.In fact this an activity they do at preschool

SweetSeraphim · 25/03/2013 09:58

A 3 yr old making themselves a sandwich? Now I know you're having a laugh.

midori1999 · 25/03/2013 09:59

Stressy, you are being completely self righteous! what with asll your coping 5 days after a c section and all... Hmm

If you think an upset, possibly hurt 3 year old should get themselves back in bed in the night after falling out, that's up to you. If you think it's safe or responsible to go to sleep whilst in charge of small children, that's up to you too. The majority of posters disagree with you. Thank god...

TheOrchardKeeper · 25/03/2013 10:00

If the 3 year old is upset then that's different. It's different if she's not scared him/herself but she did.

And the idea of my 3yr old DS clambering about on the worktops trying to make a sandwich is ridiculous! I doubt they let the kids loose in the kitchen at pre-school...no doubt it'll be supervised.

And you're being very self-righteous in the sense that you feel your way must be the best & what people should aspire to because it works. But it works for you...not everyone. Kids are so different and I can't believe you don't get that & are continuing your crusade on here...

Did you not read op's last post?

You've made you point...so let it lie.

Anyone would think you're getting a kick out of this... Hmm

everlong · 25/03/2013 10:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OhChristHasRisenFENTON · 25/03/2013 10:00

Thank you Libertine, s'nice to be back.

Are you one of those sneaky regular namechanger types?

Smile
LibertineLover · 25/03/2013 10:01

what??? stressy are you on actual drugs?

If you ignore 5 kids in one room with toys and tv, and manage to snooze through it,I'd be amazed.

If you ignore a 3 year old that's fallen out of bed, I'd be :(

And if you ignore a 3 year old going the fridge and cupboard alone to make a sandwich I'd be [shocked]

NuhichNuhaymuh · 25/03/2013 10:01

I agree OP you need to stop doing what you do for him. An hour is nothing to ask for, nothing at all.

TheOrchardKeeper · 25/03/2013 10:02

My DS is as independent as he can be but he's still a toddler and they are by definition quite needy & in need of supervision.

(This is coming from a mum of one who has an easy DS...so I can't imagine what it's like for others & I happily accept that I was just lucky, pure & simple).

OhChristHasRisenFENTON · 25/03/2013 10:02

Sorry but Grin Grin at a three year old making a sandwich.

Stressy they don't really do this at pre-school you know? - The grown-ups help them with it and then they pass the mauled offering off as their very own work.

Grin
Pobblewhohasnotoes · 25/03/2013 10:03

This thread makes me realise how lucky I am. Thank god DH helps and cherishes his role as a Dad, as well as go to work, and appreciates that I need sleep too.

There are some posters on here still living in the 1950s, with the little wife at home running around after the husband, as god forbid he might miss an hour of sleep in order to help his wife. Perish the thought!