I'm raging at the selfishness of it..

[Fisharefriendsnotfood]

We have 3 dc.. 5,3 and 5 months. Sleep is really really scare at the moment. Dc3 still feeds at least twice through the night and dc1 and 2 have both had endless colds/illnesses.. I am sahm, dh owes and runs own business.

I'm so angry right now. We went to bed early as wrecked from night before, dc1 woke with tonsillitis when we were going to bed, crying when swallowing etc. finally settled them at about 10.30 and went to sleep. Dc3 was up at 11.30, 2, 4.30 and 5. Dc2 woke once as fell out of bed. Dc1 woke once and got up when I was feeding dc3 at 5.

She was burning with fever, crying, miserable poor thing. Gave her calpol and water and put her into our bed. At 6 I woke dh to ask him to get up with her as I had hardly slept.. He outright refused . Said he felt rough and couldn't afford to be sick (referring to work) and didn't care if it made him a prick he was going back to sleep.

I'm downstairs with her now. I'm stunned. I feel like I never ever get put anywhere near his list, never mind the top of it. This is the latest in a long line of my needs not counting. Am raging! AIBU? What do I do now

OP

I have been in your situation - 3 DC, husband self employed, sole earner. I now do shift work, including regular late/night shifts. I cannot get up in the morning. Yesterday I let DP have a lie-in as he was ill with tiredness and got up at 6am with DD3.Today I can barely remember my own name.

Some things which might help:

1. no one will win the competitive tiredness olympics. You are BOTH exhausted so you need to talk and work together.
2. You both get a lie-in at weekends - one on sat, one on sun. No arguments.
3. Op - you need to go to bed early. I know you want some time to yourself, but in bed with a book and early lights out will make alot of difference.
4. You both need to work together - are you able to have a night out together so you can talk?
5. This too will pass, honestly it will, but you must work together so you come out the other end happy.

I am sure he has seen me use the oven enough to know how to do it safely!

Probably...unless he's dead immature.

But seriously Orchard...... What IS CBeebies like with concussion?

Interested by what you said just now as well about AIBU. I started a thread earlier about why AIBU is seen as 'fightier' than other topics.

And all this 'catnapping' during the day guff is unhelpful and unrealistic, take it from someone who has had 3 under 5.

Dreaming go for it, I'm sure your god daughter is an excellent chef and I can't wait to see her on The new series of master chef.

Do they let you use chairs to reach the side on that show?

What's the point otherwise?

I'd rather be alone that feel like a single parent living with the dad iyswim. That's got to feel horrible. I've had friends that feel like that & have either had to split with them or (if they were decent) give them a kick up the arse.

I hope for the OPs sake he's not inherently a twunt & will listen to the poor woman!

Why didn't I think of that sooner saycool - he will just have to bring me dinner in bed instead!

The thought of cbeebies with concision is enough to make anyone feel ill!

I think it brings out the judgier side in people. Especially as you're only give two options for a response!

And it was horrible. All that shouting & leaping about. And the colours

I wanted to murder Justin from Justin's House...

'Cooking DOESN'T get tougher than this...'

Ubik - very sensible posts. I hope the OP reads them and can use them to help.

Tesselation of cheese?

Will someone please tell me WTF that actually is? I'm not sure I can do it safely, never mind a three year old.

I thought tessellation was something to do with the time-space continuum....

Perhaps some people's children are so advanced they can make sandwiches by the power of their mind?

Can I just wholeheartedly agree with trying to go to bed a bit earlier.

I know it's a bit crap and you don't have an evening as such but tbh it's better than no sleep.

Lets assume for a second that your oh is generally a decent person OP and that he was just an idiot today and doesn't really understand how draining it all is.
Can you go to bed earlier, and say to him, right I'm going to bed. I will get up earlier in the morning so you can get up at 7 if you take over the feeds, waking up etc until 1-2am?
Because if he goes "off shift" at 1, he then gets 6 hours uninterrupted sleep. And if you go to bed 8-9 you will get about the same?

I know it's shit and you probably won't want to go so early every night but it might help short term?

And fwiw me and DH regularly go to bed at 9pm, our teenagers go to bed later than us

It's just a fancy phrase for playing with food!

www.mathsisfun.com/geometry/tessellation.html

Take slices of cheese and arrange them so you can't see the bread underneath. Slows down the process of sandwich-making hugely.

I only have my DS and he sleeps fairly well, yet I find myself asleep by 9 most nights! (Turn into a fire breathing dragon otherwise)

party hard

Binky Masterchef?! I'm aiming for Masterchef The Professionals! When she has a Michelin Star and her own TV cookery program I am going to take ALL the credit as the person who was too busy sleeping to supervise her while cooking inspired her to be independent in the kitchen. It definitely won't be her Mum or Dad who get the credit as neither of them can cook for toffee but shhhhhh I didn't tell you that

Yup, totally agree with Tantrums. Once the kids are in bed, so should you be.

And maybe the 9 o'clock feed can be done by DH as suggested below?

OP, I hope your 'D'H gets his comeuppance. I sort of understand what you're going through, but nothing like as prolonged or bad - have a 3yo and a 3mo, who have taken to waking consecutively for the past 3 weeks. Fun.

As for the rest. Wow. And, er, what philspencer said . A long way . Basically just laughing

Rock on. I'm so hardcore I'm in bed by 8.30.

{bOn a serious note, OP, hope you are OK. I would be incredibly upset in your situation and I think you are going to have to have a serious talk with your husband. I know it doesn't really help you right now but may help in the future when he realises he has to start pulling his weight even though he works. Why should your shift last 24 hours a day when his lasts 12.

Have a and

Dreaming,Do you think she can attain this dizzying culinary high before she's four?
I don't blame you for taking all the credit, you put in all the serious work with her, what have her parents done? I bet they changed her nappy for her, bloody helicopter parenting!!

Poor OP. She'll never come back now. But even the derailing was (mostly) in support of her.

Hope she's having some sort of rest.

(I bet Michel Roux Jr was making his own sandwiches at 3)

OP, sorry you are having such a shitty time. A couple of things you might want to think about...

Does he generally do his share with the DC eg play with them, bath them sometimes, take them out? Does he do any domestic work?

Also, did his enthusiasm for having a third child start around the time you were considering going back to work?

Some men are very keen on having lots of DC because not only does it demonstrate to the world how massive and potent their willies are, but it also keeps the Little Woman in her place ie as a servant and breeding animal.

OP, sorry you're having a tough time. Your DH should definitely be helping more.

I'm sure this thread will give you a great laugh though, if you read it later.

I'm wiping my eyes at some of stressy's posts