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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I'm raging at the selfishness of it..

500 replies

Fisharefriendsnotfood · 25/03/2013 06:19

We have 3 dc.. 5,3 and 5 months. Sleep is really really scare at the moment. Dc3 still feeds at least twice through the night and dc1 and 2 have both had endless colds/illnesses.. I am sahm, dh owes and runs own business.

I'm so angry right now. We went to bed early as wrecked from night before, dc1 woke with tonsillitis when we were going to bed, crying when swallowing etc. finally settled them at about 10.30 and went to sleep. Dc3 was up at 11.30, 2, 4.30 and 5. Dc2 woke once as fell out of bed. Dc1 woke once and got up when I was feeding dc3 at 5.

She was burning with fever, crying, miserable poor thing. Gave her calpol and water and put her into our bed. At 6 I woke dh to ask him to get up with her as I had hardly slept.. He outright refused Shock. Said he felt rough and couldn't afford to be sick (referring to work) and didn't care if it made him a prick he was going back to sleep. HmmHmm

I'm downstairs with her now. I'm stunned. I feel like I never ever get put anywhere near his list, never mind the top of it. This is the latest in a long line of my needs not counting. Am raging! AIBU? What do I do now

OP posts:
DixieD · 25/03/2013 11:17

I would get their father to help. You know the original point of this thread? FFS

stressyBessy22 · 25/03/2013 11:17

Ah the townie option!!

TheBigJessie · 25/03/2013 11:17
TheOrchardKeeper · 25/03/2013 11:17

I'm a lone parent. Have been since I saw the mystical pink line on the stick.

I fainted at the top of the stairs when he was about a year old and fell down the whole lot, which weren't even carpeted at the time. I was out for a hour as I hit my head so hard I had grade 3 concussion. My mum was there at the time so I thank my lucky stars for that bit but had to go back to work once I was out of hospital (the day after).

I cannot describe how much pain I was in but it was a case of no-choice.

I still would not have let him roam around the place. I shut the front-room door and just moved in slow-motion (otherwise I vomited).

You don't have to jeopardize their safety just cus you're suffering...that's what being a parent is all about. Sometimes you have to do things you never thought you could even do...

SparkyTGD · 25/03/2013 11:18

Have totally LOL (don't usually type that Grin) at stressys advice for 3yr old to make a sandwich!

OP, Yanbu, your DH should be helping.

TheOrchardKeeper · 25/03/2013 11:18

(the only reason nothing was broken was because I fainted first...so was 'floppy' apparently. Was still bruised EVERYWHERE)

SayCoolNowSayWhip · 25/03/2013 11:18

Townie option?

mrsbungle · 25/03/2013 11:19

I have only been very ill once and only had to look after 1 child. DH prepared packed lunch and I lay on the couch (not sleeping, though). DD enjoyed her carpet picnic. I did put the tv on for her. Simply had to get up when she needed to go to the toilet. Very crap.

OP isn't ill, though, she is very tired and is getting no support from her DH. At least if she had a temporary illness it would be over soon but she can't see the light at the moment because it's a lack of sleep and 3 very young demanding children.

stressyBessy22 · 25/03/2013 11:19

My DH is a farmer there are times he cannot be there! And as you takeawy deliveries ha ha ha .they would not come out here!!

TheBigJessie · 25/03/2013 11:20

So, did you have pneumonia the time you found your two-year-old trying to fry chips?

KansasCityOctopus · 25/03/2013 11:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheOrchardKeeper · 25/03/2013 11:21

Umm stressy ...I answered your question. Up there ^

My MN-senses are tingling. This thread is so getting deleted Grin

SayCoolNowSayWhip · 25/03/2013 11:21

Orchard that sounds horrible btw. Hope your 1yo made you sandwiches and cups of tea while you were concussed... (Sorry, couldn't resist! That was genuine sympathy though)

TheOrchardKeeper · 25/03/2013 11:22

He did Grin

...or maybe that was just the concussion. I can't recall that week very well to be honest!

TheBigJessie · 25/03/2013 11:22

Poor OP. Her husband needs to get his act together.

5eggstremelychocaletymadeggs · 25/03/2013 11:22

I was hospitalized when ds4 was a 4mth old and I'll for months afterwards. Do took time off work and then when he went back he made and left sandwiches, quiche, pizza etc so I didn't have to make stuff. He made meals in the slow cooker before he went to work or made shepards pie or stuff I could just chuck in the oven.

We got friends to help with school runs or taxis and we got in touch with HV who arranged for a home start volunteer.

And I still struggled and days that were awful but I always made sure my kids were safe.

TheOrchardKeeper · 25/03/2013 11:22

(and thanks. I'm not trying to 'top' people's issues. just saying sometimes you have no choice...not that it's easy at all)

TheOrchardKeeper · 25/03/2013 11:24

OP's well and truly gone I think.

Don't blame her...It is AIBU after all. Not the most forgiving section of MN Hmm

DreamingOfTheMaldives · 25/03/2013 11:24

Binky - the suggestion from Stressy was that the 3 year old should make the sandwich whilst the OP caught up on some sleep on the sofa. Therefore not supervising the child while she makes it. Clearly 3 year olds can be left to their own devices in the kitchen so I'm going to rope my almost 3 year old Goddaughter into making me dinner on Wednesday while I doze on the sofa (I'm pregnant and forever want to sleep at the moment!) Wink

Of course 3 year olds can help to do things in the kitchen and it is very good for them to do so but suggesting a 3 year old makes her own sandwich doesn't really help the OP in her situation which is that the poor woman is bloody knackered and her husband is being a selfish arse and precious about one hour of his sleep

idshagphilspencer · 25/03/2013 11:25

This thread should win an award for "worst derailment"

SayCoolNowSayWhip · 25/03/2013 11:27

But that's it isnt it, Orchard. The whole point of this thread is that the OP is 'lucky' enough to have another parent and he isn't sharing the responsibility.

You coped admirably under the circumstances (CBeebies must be mental with concussion... Grin) but if you weren't a lone parent, you would have expected your other half to step up. I'd imagine....

Sirzy · 25/03/2013 11:27

I have just made cakes WITH my 3 year old. He can do most of it himself when things have been weighed. Perhaps I should have just left him to it and got a much needed nap (and I only have one non sleeping child) I am sure he has seen me use the oven enough to know how to do it safely!

DreamingOfTheMaldives · 25/03/2013 11:27

that's what being a parent is all about. Sometimes you have to do things you never thought you could even do...

Yeah like the children's Father giving up an hour of his sleep to tend to his children while the OP actually gets some sleep.

SayCoolNowSayWhip · 25/03/2013 11:28

Sirzy YABU. You should have got him to make the cakes and then bring them to you in bed!

TheOrchardKeeper · 25/03/2013 11:30

I already said if I DID have a partner there's no chance in HELL i'd be a martyr for the sake of it Grin

I'm not insane!

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