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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I'm raging at the selfishness of it..

500 replies

Fisharefriendsnotfood · 25/03/2013 06:19

We have 3 dc.. 5,3 and 5 months. Sleep is really really scare at the moment. Dc3 still feeds at least twice through the night and dc1 and 2 have both had endless colds/illnesses.. I am sahm, dh owes and runs own business.

I'm so angry right now. We went to bed early as wrecked from night before, dc1 woke with tonsillitis when we were going to bed, crying when swallowing etc. finally settled them at about 10.30 and went to sleep. Dc3 was up at 11.30, 2, 4.30 and 5. Dc2 woke once as fell out of bed. Dc1 woke once and got up when I was feeding dc3 at 5.

She was burning with fever, crying, miserable poor thing. Gave her calpol and water and put her into our bed. At 6 I woke dh to ask him to get up with her as I had hardly slept.. He outright refused Shock. Said he felt rough and couldn't afford to be sick (referring to work) and didn't care if it made him a prick he was going back to sleep. HmmHmm

I'm downstairs with her now. I'm stunned. I feel like I never ever get put anywhere near his list, never mind the top of it. This is the latest in a long line of my needs not counting. Am raging! AIBU? What do I do now

OP posts:
Sirzy · 25/03/2013 10:46

3 year olds don't have a sense of danger. That is why as adults we have to supervise them.

Do you really need a list of the potential accidents giving a child free roam of a kitchen whilst stood on a chair?

TheBigJessie · 25/03/2013 10:47

Falling off a chair on to a hard kitchen floor can be quite dangerous. That said, my children do climb on chairs, but I supervise.

And my children, who are three, help with sandwiches. (They arrange the slices of cheese which I have cut. Grin)

SayCoolNowSayWhip · 25/03/2013 10:47

Yep, my DD would get up to all sorts of crazy things.

I should totally let her practise her knife-juggling skills, or mix some bleach with baking powder as an aperitif, just to let her discover the dangers for herself... Hmm

MummytoMog · 25/03/2013 10:47

I just bought Bye Bye Baby :) My DD has started shouting very loudly 'I am a LITTLE BABY WHO HAS NO MUMMY' at random moments. She is a sensible 3 and is allowed downstairs on her own, but her food gathering skills are limited to biting her way into a bag of brioche (I know, I know, but she likes them and they're easy if a bit middle class). DS at 2 is a total menace and is NOT allowed in the kitchen. Even with someone. The thought of either of them preparing a sandwich is QUITE funny though.

OP, your husband is a prick. It's true. Mine was exactly the same with DS, to the point where I was weeping in the bathroom at five in the morning because I knew I was up for the day and was so bloody tired. Some sensible advice on here about bed guards, napping during the day and the like, I couldn't spot if anyone had suggested weeping hysterically? I found it made DH get his arse in gear and I don't give a crap if it makes me sound like a poor little woman. It was either that or push him under a train.

pictish · 25/03/2013 10:49

Me too Tantrums - I am mothering from the school of benign neglect as well. I'm not a hoverparent by any means.
I certainly wouldn't indulge my pre school children in dragging chairs about and having access to the kitchen while I slept.
It's just asking for something to go horribly wrong.

TheOrchardKeeper · 25/03/2013 10:49

They don't have to eat it stressy Hmm

Just touch it then touch their face etc. Many accidents can happen in a very short space of time & in some cases have very severe consequences.

The fact you are blind to this and so laissez faire about it all doesn't look great...

stressyBessy22 · 25/03/2013 10:49

All my kids started ironing simple things like teatowels and pillow cases at about 6 too.And went to the shop on their own at 7 (well not the youngest she is still 6) Shock horror!!!

you have to teach your children how to do this stuff, how to handle stuff safely.
I am finding this thread hilarious that you think a pre-schooler , who is no doubt at the top of a climbing frame every day , cannot climb onto a chair without falling down. opening up the fridge and getting a yogurt out and a spoon.How is that dangerous

coppertop · 25/03/2013 10:49

"What accident are they going to have apart from falling off a chair."

Well here's one example of what can happen:

www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/local-news/four-year-old-died-making-a-sandwich-1078925

LibertineLover · 25/03/2013 10:50

Not on their own stress y no?! Can you seriously not comprehend the dangers of a3 year old on a chair in a kitchen? I, unfortunately do believe you have kids, the fact they've got to the ages they have is more luck than management imho.

stressyBessy22 · 25/03/2013 10:50

NB not irnoning whilst I was asleep though!!

Binkyridesagain · 25/03/2013 10:50

My DS tripped, couldn't save himself as his arms were stuck in his coat, his chin took the full force, he broke his jaw, his adult teeth could have been damaged, thankfully after years of waiting we can say there is no lasting damage.

Falling off something or on to something can and does lead to long term damage. Leaving a child unsupervised to clamber over work surfaces, near dangerous objects is neglect IMO

TheBigJessie · 25/03/2013 10:51

My husband's great-grandmother had a lifelong limp, due to a bad break when she was two. She fell off a chair, getting into her high chair herself.

SugariceisaGoodEgg · 25/03/2013 10:52

stressy you have well and truly derailed Fish's thread and made yourself sound like a right arse in the process, was that what you intended?

pictish · 25/03/2013 10:52

OFSTED don't care about that story. It's a big tick for dragging chairs about and making one's own lunch at three.
Stressy says so.

stressyBessy22 · 25/03/2013 10:52

Why would they need to clamber over work surfaces .They just need to stand on a chair to reach them ?

OhChristHasRisenFENTON · 25/03/2013 10:52

Fish I bet there are a few MNers near you who would be happy to lend a hand and you don't even know it Smile

I hope you are managing to have a bit of a laugh at this thread, - I know this doesn't solve the immediate problem of sleep deprivation and (hopefully temporarily) selfish husband.

I wonder if a serious chat with him later would help - let him know just how exhausted and near to break down you are, and this is why you asked him for help this morning.

TheOrchardKeeper · 25/03/2013 10:53

You keep bringing up things they do whilst supervised.

Someone is always watching if they kids are outside in pre-school.

The same should go for home.

You're lucky your kids are alright to be honest & that no one knows your identity.

My mum's been a social worker for almost a decade now & I know from talking to her that kids have gone on the protection register for smaller things...I'd think twice about posting things like that.

Sirzy · 25/03/2013 10:53

Bloody hell Copper, that just highlights how quickly accidents can happen Sad

TheBigJessie · 25/03/2013 10:53

My three-year-olds can underestimate distance, and thus conclude they can get from chair A to high chair B across (huge) distance C.

DixieD · 25/03/2013 10:54

Jesus I am starting to get really annoyed reading this thread now. stressy Are you seriously suggesting that the solution to OP problem of not having more than 4 hours sleep in over a year is whatever cat nap she can grab while minding 3 kids? Not that her co-parent should get up and give her a dig out even on the really tough nights? He is so tired poor lamb that he can't get up an hour early to help with his sick child and keep his wife from the brink of collapse, but he can go out on the piss with his work colleagues? You think the OP is being U to even ask for some help? And he is the reasonable one in this scenario? WTF?
And during your cure all, restorative cat nap, what do you suggest she does with her 5 month old baby? Perhaps lie it in the middle of the floor and hope that it doesn't get trampled on by sick 5 year olds or sandwich making 3 year olds? Or maybe on the couch beside her and keep her fingers crossed that in her exhausted state she doesn't roll over and smother it.
And while I am sure your fictional 5 wonder children, all sat quietly watching CBeebies just pausing to prepare themselves nutritious meals, as you slept, can you not conceive that not all children are the same? That it would be a cold day in hell before some would leave their mother alone long enough to have a cup of tea never mind enough sleep to compensate for a year of sleepless nights? OP said she won't be able to nap. I am sure she knows her situation best. Maybe you could listen to her?
OP I have 3 with very similar age gaps. My DH works 12 hour days. He is a senior executive in a small company. Our deal was I dealt with the baby (up from 2 to 5 times a night) he dealt with the older two (probably a couple of times a week - bed wetting, fevers, bad dreams etc). He also gave me at least one lie on at weekends. If baby was asleep in mornings he got older two ready/ gave them breakfast before leaving. He wouldn't have hesitated to have got up an hour earlier if asked. In that time he got two pay rises, and two bonuses so clearly losing a couple of hours sleep a week didn't effect his performance that significantly. YANBU.

TheOrchardKeeper · 25/03/2013 10:54

Why?

Because toddlers just do things. They explore. That is what they're all about at that age.

You can't seriously have ever had toddlers?

stressyBessy22 · 25/03/2013 10:56

coppertop that is a sad stort, but I am sure lots of adults have died from accidental knife injuries too.Maybe nobody should ever make a sandwich!!

stressy you have well and truly derailed Fish's thread and made yourself sound like a right arse in the process, was that what you intended? I offered a solution to the Op.It is you lot that have followed it up and derailed the thread.

DreamingOfTheMaldives · 25/03/2013 10:56

I'm chuckling at the idea of a 3 year old making a sandwich herself. I'm babysitting for my almost 3 year old Goddaughter on Wednesday; wonder if I can get her to make me dinner?! Grin

stressyBessy22 · 25/03/2013 10:58

3 yr old s are not toddlers and by 3 are beginning to gain a bit of common sense.Particularly if you demystify potentially dangerous things by letting them do it under strict supervision.Making a jam sandwich is not dangerous it just isn't!!

TheOrchardKeeper · 25/03/2013 10:58

So you think the chances of a toddler hurting themselves in the kitchen are equal to an adults? Hmm

Oh dear...