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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I'm raging at the selfishness of it..

500 replies

Fisharefriendsnotfood · 25/03/2013 06:19

We have 3 dc.. 5,3 and 5 months. Sleep is really really scare at the moment. Dc3 still feeds at least twice through the night and dc1 and 2 have both had endless colds/illnesses.. I am sahm, dh owes and runs own business.

I'm so angry right now. We went to bed early as wrecked from night before, dc1 woke with tonsillitis when we were going to bed, crying when swallowing etc. finally settled them at about 10.30 and went to sleep. Dc3 was up at 11.30, 2, 4.30 and 5. Dc2 woke once as fell out of bed. Dc1 woke once and got up when I was feeding dc3 at 5.

She was burning with fever, crying, miserable poor thing. Gave her calpol and water and put her into our bed. At 6 I woke dh to ask him to get up with her as I had hardly slept.. He outright refused Shock. Said he felt rough and couldn't afford to be sick (referring to work) and didn't care if it made him a prick he was going back to sleep. HmmHmm

I'm downstairs with her now. I'm stunned. I feel like I never ever get put anywhere near his list, never mind the top of it. This is the latest in a long line of my needs not counting. Am raging! AIBU? What do I do now

OP posts:
OpheliasWeepingWillow · 25/03/2013 10:35

I now intend to train my 13 month old to deal with herself at night, make her own breakfast and self amuse for 8 hours a day whilst watching CBeebies. Genius. Thanks Stressy. Will now take up a worthy hobby, like pandering to all my husband's needs.

TheOrchardKeeper · 25/03/2013 10:36

(My brother cut his forehead open really badly by falling off a chair at that sort of age...he now has a harry-potter style scar on his face, aged 21. I can still remember it as the pressure in that area made the blood go absolutely everywhere. I wouldn't risk it for a biscuit)

pictish · 25/03/2013 10:36

Ophelia Grin

Binkyridesagain · 25/03/2013 10:36

My DS could make his own sandwich when he was 3, he could also have pulled out the 8inch kitchen knife from its block to cut the sandwich and his hand as well, that is the reason he was never left unsupervised!

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 25/03/2013 10:37

Stressy - admit that you actually don't have any children of your own, you just work in a preschool?

Otherwise you wouldn't be spouting such bollocks.

What are your DCs doing while you're on here? Cleaning the house and cooking a casserole for this evening's dinner, no doubt Hmm

It is pretty negligent, IMO, to be encouraging a 3 year old to drag furniture to climb on and use knives unsupervised.

NorksAreMessy · 25/03/2013 10:37

do you remember 'Bye Bye Baby'

www.amazon.co.uk/Bye-Baby-Janet-Ahlberg/dp/0749706244

coppertop · 25/03/2013 10:37

I think the dh was perfectly correct to refer to himself as a prick.

I'm laughing though at the thought of 3yr-olds all dragging chairs through to a pre-school kitchen to make themselves a sandwich, supervised only by the OFSTED inspector because the staff are all catnapping. :o

I hope your day gets better, OP, and that your dd is feeling better soon.

stressyBessy22 · 25/03/2013 10:38

I don't think I am wrong so why would I want to back down.When I have been very ill I have done exactly as I described .Obviously had to get up to feed tiny ones and change their nappies etc.But my children were far far more independant thean most of you suggest.One time when DS2 was about 2 yrs old I came down to find him with a pan containing 2 frozen chips on the hob!!!But as I always switch the cooker off at the mains and unplud the kettle and any appliances when not in use, there was no problem.I told he must never use the cooker again without an adult - and he didn't.

YellowDinosaur · 25/03/2013 10:38

What Pictish said.

Stressy you are talking utter arse. My boys, 5 and 7, can just about get their own breakfasts. I'd be able to have a nap too while I put a dvd on but they are a lot older than the op kids. Not a bloody prayer at 3 and 5. And I think you said you had 5 kids? So presumably you have older children than the op who can supervise the smaller ones while you nap. Not the same thing as the op at all ffs, with a baby, a toddler, and a poorly child

MarvellousYou · 25/03/2013 10:39

A 3 year old making breakfast? Why am I replaying that scene from Matilda where she flips her own pancakes in the morning!? PMSL

OP- I sympathize with your situation, sounds like my DH, with a bit of 'discussion' even if it is a bit heated I hope your DH can pull his socks up. I think its a slippery slope when one partner in a relationship feels overlooked. He needs to grow up x

Sirzy · 25/03/2013 10:39

Obviously had to get up to feed tiny ones and change their nappies etc

How nice of you.

(I am starting to doubt you, perhaps thats just out of hope that nobody would be so proud of neglecting their children)

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 25/03/2013 10:40

Stressy, you're a social services phone call waiting to happen. I mean, when your kids have an accident. Try explaining 'but they were making themselves a sandwich in the kitchen unsupervised...'.

DH having a job doesn't mean he can do fuck all round the house and no child care.

TheOrchardKeeper · 25/03/2013 10:40

So he could get at the frozen food easily? What about the bloody fridge? raw meat etc?

You've got to be joking...

stressyBessy22 · 25/03/2013 10:40

(My brother cut his forehead open really badly by falling off a chair at that sort of age
so 3 yos should never climb on anything.
why don't you think I have any children? I have 5 the eldest is 18 and the youngest is nearly 7 now.there was a time when I had 3 under 5

EldritchCleavage · 25/03/2013 10:41

What a lot of unkindness on this thread from some posters.

I think those suggesting less than ideal ways of sleeping during the day while OP is alone with the children are missing the point, a little: she could cope better if her husband would give up an hour or two of sleep here and there to help her. That is a far preferable solution and finding ways to get him to see the need for that is surely a better way forward than leaving the children to fend for themselves for any length of time.

OP, would your husband be prepared to stump up any cash, or do you have access to cash? Because if you are on the brink of collapse, it would be better to pa a baby sitter to hold the fort downstairs for a couple of hours twice as week while you catch up.

I do really sympathise, it is awful not just to have such a workload/sleep deprivation but to feel so alone with it all.

SugariceisaGoodEgg · 25/03/2013 10:41

Haven't commented on poorFish being sleep deprived with an unhelpful berk of an H but Stressy's story that her 3 year old can make a sandwich unsupervised while she's busy elsewhere could be interpreted as slightly negligent.

Wouldn't you agree Stressy?

Sorry Fish that things are tough, hope things get better.

TheBigJessie · 25/03/2013 10:41

You left your two-year-old alone and hungry for so long that he opened the freezer, got some chips out of a bag, found the frying pan, put the chips in it, and put it on the cooker?

And you're telling us how to look after children? Can I have your address? I think Social Services would be interested!

TheOrchardKeeper · 25/03/2013 10:43

3 year old's should not be left climbing things unattended, no, of course not!
It's risky as hell.

My mum's friend had left a chair pulled out by the table & my mum hadn't realized...it took all of 3 minutes for my brother to clamber onto it and attempt to climb onto the table from there...safe to say he never made it Hmm

pictish · 25/03/2013 10:43

One time when DS2 was about 2 yrs old I came down to find him with a pan containing 2 frozen chips on the hob!!!But as I always switch the cooker off at the mains and unplud the kettle and any appliances when not in use, there was no problem.I told he must never use the cooker again without an adult - and he didn't.

Riiiiigghht....

magimedi · 25/03/2013 10:43

My sympathies to the OP.

At least she'll have a laugh at some of the later postings.

Of course, when my DS was 18 months he always did all the ironing for me - only fair to share in the household chores.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 25/03/2013 10:43

Yes amazingly gifted stressy

I'm actually a bit concerned that there might be some people reading this thinking it's what 3 year olds should be doing.

So can I just state categorically that under no circumstances should your 3 year old be dragging a chair into a work surface, climbing up, and making lunch whilst you sleep

In all seriousness now, I am all for independence.
I have a 14 year old and 15 year old. They cook dinner for the family once a week. They can wash their own clothes, they can iron, they make their packed lunches for school. They take it in turns to clean their bathroom.

So yes, you have to teach your children how to do this stuff, how to handle stuff safely.

But you don't do that by going to sleep and letting them climb all over the kitchen making lunch FFS.

And I say that as a parent that champions the benign neglect school of thought. I am probably the least helicoptery parent I can think off.

But I wouldn't do that.

stressyBessy22 · 25/03/2013 10:44

What accident are they going to have apart from falling off a chair.Some of your kids would probably do all kinds of crazy things in the kitchen exactly because they are never allowed to do anything and would have no sense of danger.
What kind of 3 year old would eat raw meat UGH!!
Please bear in mind I am talking about a time when I had pneumonia.I do not sit them in front of the TV and nap normally!!

SayCoolNowSayWhip · 25/03/2013 10:44

Yes 3 yos should not climb on anything UNSUPERVISED.

I personally would not let my DD in the kitchen at all unsupervised.

Good for you for having such wonderfully independent DCs.

YellowDinosaur · 25/03/2013 10:44

Rose tinted specs much stressy? 5 kids between 7 and 18? Of course you can let them look after themselves for a bit while you nap.

not the same as the op

Creameggkr · 25/03/2013 10:45

There maybe social workers on this thread

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