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Original poster

DH's awful family part 2...

207 replies

curiousgeorgie · 19/03/2013 21:14

So I've started a second thread as requested...

Who would have guessed that they would be so bad as to require more than 1000 posts Wink

OP posts:
FierceBadIggi · 19/03/2013 21:48

Cookielady has a good point, second cs my wound didn't heal properly and I had multiple visits to nurse for dressing changes that carried on for three fecking months after the op.

GlaikitHasHerFizzBack · 19/03/2013 21:49

Yup! That too! Then I wonder if its me. Then quickly realise nope, I am a sane person (most of the time), they are the bonkers ones! Thankfully dh is further down the road than yours is and has very little to do with them. 150 miles helps too! I recommend it.

SlowLooseChippings · 19/03/2013 21:49

Georgie you're dead right. Whether its 11 or 15 hours' drive it's still too much to go for somebody else's family!

BlueStarsAtNight · 19/03/2013 21:56

Georgie I have been following since the start of the first thread, and really I have no words!!! I am just astounded at the twatty cuntish selfishness of your pil, bil and sil, especially with regards to the CMV. Have fingers tightly crossed that you get the all clear.

I'm really glad you've made the decision to not go to the wedding, I can't believe you were even considering it when you spell it all out like that! And if nothing else, surely CMV isn't something you would want to expose your newborn to, so you have an excellent excuse to not see DH's family for at least the next couple of years!

Have you told them that you won't be going? Do it whilst your resolve is strong, and whilst you are both still angry enough not to be persuaded to change your mind!

GlaikitHasHerFizzBack · 19/03/2013 21:59

I would just send a "with regret" card from you dh dd and bump. But then I'm evil!

Toastismyfriend · 19/03/2013 22:01

General advice after cs is to rest as much as possible for 6 weeks..no heavy lifting etc..it is major abdominal surgery. That said, from a midwives point of view, if you desperately wanted to go and had lots of help and support and no complications it would be ok...after all some people have no choice. It sounds like your part of the deal is beyond grim though..i wouldn't fancy it.

Toastismyfriend · 19/03/2013 22:04

Chances of huge family rift here though..can you talk this through with someone who knows them and supports you..your family?...get some advice from someone who cares but might be able to step back a bit?

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/03/2013 22:04

I'm just coming on to the thread to wave pom poms and cheer. You're a trooper and they were lucky to have you. I wouldn't have been going to the wedding in the first place. They just pushed too much, didn't they?

blackeyedsusan · 19/03/2013 22:04

oh my. i did not realise that you were the wedding op and the parents doing up house op... they are something aren't they. i am going to have to read the rest of the previous thread now...

Loulybelle · 19/03/2013 22:04

Im actually speechless they asked you to stop TTC, for their fucking wedding
!!!!!!!

Fuck this lot, fuck em all, they are serious piss takers.

ChasedByBees · 19/03/2013 22:06

Absolutely no way would I go to that wedding. It would be entirely impractical even if they hadn't just shown they don't give a damn about you. I can understand your DH reconsidering his involvement too but I can imagine that will come with a massive side portion of drama and chest beating from all your ILs. Tricky!

FryOneFatManic · 19/03/2013 22:06

Toastismyfriend Any family rift will not be the fault of the OP. In this case she has every reason to go apeshit on the lot of them.

Thinkingof4 · 19/03/2013 22:10

I think you are right, don't go to the wedding! Any subsequent fall out is definitely not your fault!
Hope you get blood test results soon and it's all ok

claudedebussy · 19/03/2013 22:12

talk about bridezilla.

don't go. doesn't sound like they've made much effort to make you welcome Hmm

bit take take take aren't they?

xigris · 19/03/2013 22:15

God, your in laws so need to bog off to the far side of bog! They're unbelievable! Like I said before, you really need your own reality show; ("Britain's Most Fuckwitted In Laws"?) clearly would have to be on C4. Alternatively, maybe they could have a cameo on Shameless.....?Grin

SoggySummer · 19/03/2013 22:15

Blimey!!! Please put your whole frigging life on hold for our wedding!!!

I have heard it all now!!

I wonder if people like this ever look back on their lives and think "Oh shit what a tit I was???" Perhaps once they divorce??

You really could not make this up - no one would believe it would they.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 19/03/2013 22:19

I have read the other thread, and this one in jaw dropping disbelief at your in laws, Georgie!

Well done for putting your foot down about them staying - and fwiw, I don't think you should go to the wedding - four weeks or so after major abdominal surgery, with a toddler and a newborn? Noooooo.

timidviper · 19/03/2013 22:23

Sometimes the more you put yourself out for people, the more they walk all over you. I think the poster upthread who said stand your ground and let them come to you has a point.

thedicewoman · 19/03/2013 22:26

have been following thread but as mum to new Ds and toddler Dd, I just wanted to say that absolutely no way would I have been upfor going to a wedding when Ds was 6 weeks old, not even to my best friend in the world's wedding, never mind people who have treated me like this! apart from anything else don't underestimate how (unbelievably) much harder work it is with two Dc, it completely floored me and I think it really only started to get easier at about 12 weeks! think about yourself and your family and what's good for you, not these tossers.

sicutlilium · 19/03/2013 22:34

My dearest friend, who is godmother to DS1, couldn't make his christening because she was heavily pregnant, had a toddler, didn't drive and lived miles away from both us and the venue and her (now ex) husband was working abroad at the time. I was very sorry that she couldn't be there, but it didn't occur to me to put her under pressure to attend. We just appointed a proxy for the day and my friend remains the most fantastic godmother. Look after yourself OP.

magimedi · 19/03/2013 22:37

I am speechless!

What a load of twats.

I'd have nothing to do with any of them ever again.

LiveItUp · 19/03/2013 22:41

No way, at every level. 3 weeks post cs you'll still be bonding, sore, oozing, knackered, or on a more positive note, relaxing in the afterglow enjoying the peace and quiet with your new family. You can't travel a baby that young that far, expose them to even more, put yourself through two days of being ignored by the rudest family out there, squeeze into some party frock, hand baby round a bunch of cooing germ-ridden slightly tipsy strangers, .... need I go on ..?

Hope you tell them none of you are going. They are in the wrong. They can build bridges back to you. And if they don't, hey, you still win as you don't get this poisonous family trying to run rings around you whenever it suits them.

Skygirls · 19/03/2013 23:08

Can you tell Auntie J what's happening and get her on side to state the obvious to the selfish and ignorant PIL, BIL, SIL about you and DH going to the wedding?

Then they can't directly spit bile at you and you can just say
'Oh, that Auntie J is so wise.'

I think it's really bad form to expect you to go so soon after having DC2 and to expect you to be sole carer for your DCS whilst there, and to take DH away for 2 days, with no one to help you.

Outrageous! I'm Angry for you georgie
Don't go.

cantreachmytoes · 19/03/2013 23:24

Another lurker popping out to say that I am utterly shocked that they asked you to stop TTC, regardless of the new Dr, for their wedding!

Agree that there'll be massive fallout from not attending (and I don't think you OR DH should) and given how unreasonable these people are - and self-centred - I'm not sure you'll ever be awarded the moral high ground in their eyes, but you most definitely have been awarded it here on MN!

SergeantSnarky · 19/03/2013 23:48

Hello Georgie

I do hope you are okay - if your DD has mixed with other children in a playgroup setting you may have already had cmv and didn't know it so you may have immunity. I hope so.

CMV is one of the torch infections - I work abroad in a creche and had a work ban whilst pregnant until I had been tested as I was obviously dealing with under 3s all the time - nappies, runny noses, you name it and as a shedding virus was exposed.

As it can cause cerebral palsy, deafness or eyesight problems it really should have been taken seriously by your SIL.

My blood test showed I had had it previously - just to warn you though my lab results could not say how long before and I was at the end of my second trimester so although it was a relief to know I had antibodies it did not and could not reassure me that I hadn't been infected for the first time in the first trimester iyswim.

But my DC was fine. I also discovered that despite being a cat-owner in the past I had never been exposed to toxoplasmosis - another torch disease.

This is the other side of it of course - you might be told you have no immunity to cmv and have never had it. Great. But then you realise that like me with toxo there is not an awful lot you can do ( besides hand washing and avoiding known SIL in your case): I can avoid handling raw meat/cats etc but ultimately you hope you are low risk.

I have not been retested for toxo this time around - it is something they recommend you do throughout if you are pregnant with no immunity as there are drugs they can give you if you get it while pregnant but to be tested and retested continuously over 7 months would be stressful and there are false positives so decided against.

This is also true of CMV -you usually need a blood test two weeks after the first one and there are antiviral drugs available eg ganciclovir if you catch cmv for the first time while pregnant but the latter is only used if benefits outweigh risk as it is unknown whether the drug itself can cause birth defects.

Your SIL has been astoundingly selfish or naive or plain ignorant.

As to travelling to Ireland only you can make that call but they need to be aware you might not be up to it full stop.

Hugs and good wishes being sent your way x