DH's awful family part 2...

[curiousgeorgie]

So I've started a second thread as requested...

Who would have guessed that they would be so bad as to require more than 1000 posts

[GlaikitHasHerFizzBack]

Sod the farking top table I'm still bitter about SIL insisting of sitting at it at our wedding if you dd isn't important enough as flower girl to be up there, then sod them. Don't go.

I seriously find it hard to believe that your SIL to be doesn't see how difficult this is going to be for you. Especially as a mother herself. I am truly shocked.

God I am so for you!

[Arithmeticulous]

Another cracking suggestion from DontMind there

[curiousgeorgie]

Fierce, I didn't know if we did but SIL said the airport we had to fly into meant we did?

[GlaikitHasHerFizzBack]

Did you have another thread about that Georgie? Someone did, I remember it!

AIBU not to shag this month as SIL has asked us not to so we can make the wedding of the year where she will be the grand poohbah?

[FryOneFatManic]

FierceBadIggi has valid points about the baby being exposed to illnesses before getting even the first jabs at 2 months.

[curiousgeorgie]

Yep, I had a thread about that! They asked us to stop trying to make sure I wouldn't be too pregnant to fly... But we didn't listen obviously as I'm sitting here with a big bump

[SlowLooseChippings]

You don't need a passport to bring a newborn to Ireland on the ferry, a birth cert will do. You can get those very quickly.

You do need a passport for planes though. (You don't, legally speaking, but the airlines can stipulate it as a condition of travel, and they usually do.)

15 hours sounds like a lot though - DH and I live in east London and it takes 11 hours door to door to reach his family in west Cork. It's not all driving either, there's 4 hours sitting on the ferry plus some waiting around (free wifi in the lounges = MNing on the go!). We did it with 8 week old DS at Christmas.

Having said that, we wouldn't do it for any amount of time less than a week as it is an onerous journey regardless.

[FierceBadIggi]

(As an aside - where you on the pred thread? Congratulations! I have a Shehata miracle baby too! )

[GlaikitHasHerFizzBack]

All this smacks of SIL being pissed off you didn't bow to her whim and pause TTC in order to make the wedding.

[RevoltingPeasant]

Curious I have been frozen in horror lurking on this thread for days now...

Don't you send them any bullshit excuses about why you're not going to the wedding!!!!

Email:
'SIL & BIL,

I am currently waiting for my hospital test results after you knowingly exposed my unborn baby and me to CMV, a virus which, as you will have been told at the hospital, can cause very serious disabilities to unborn children.

You have shown a total disregard for my baby's welfare. In these circumstances, I will not be attending your wedding. As I will not be there to look after DD, she will also not be attending as I am not confident that you will look after her appropriately.

I do not wish to hear from you, MIL, or FIL until after the baby's birth, when we will consider whether we can build bridges again.

OP'

Seriously, don't fuck about with these people!!

[RevoltingPeasant]

They asked you to stop TTC for their wedding.

They. Asked You. To stop TTC. For their frickin' wedding????!!!

It is rare that I am rendered speechless - !!!!

[curiousgeorgie]

Fierce, I didn't join but was a lurker :) Mr Shehata is amazing!

[CookieLady]

Don't go. They clearly don't give a damn about you so why on earth should you put yourself out for them. I've had two c-sections and believe me the second time round the revovery process is a lot slower. Whilst in theory the recommended recovery period is six to eight weeks in reality it was more like ten to twelve weeks for me.

[GlaikitHasHerFizzBack]

wow and I seriously thought my SIL was bad

kudos to you for not smacking her in the chops!

[WhereYouLeftIt]

Hell's teeth, I think I remember that thread georgie .

These people just have no redeeming features at all, do they?

[curiousgeorgie]

Slowloosechippings - I'm in Surrey but that's what SIL estimated for us as driving time. I have no idea how it's broken down though as I dismissed it without really researching it too much.

[AllOverIt]

DON'T GO!!!!

[bootsycollins]

Cheeky fucking bastards! Please don't put yourself out for those inconsiderate, spiteful arseholes. You really need to put the needs of you, your newborn and dd first, those bastard il's have caused you enough grief already.

[GlaikitHasHerFizzBack]

Do you stare at your dh and wonder how the hell he came from that family and is the lovely man you know and love? I do that with my DH all the time. :o

[ShhHesAsleep]

If your DH is willing to pull out of the wedding, best to do it now.

Which I think is the sensible decision. Even if you and your new baby have the fastest possible recovery from childbirth, the idea of him being unavailable to support his wife and children while you're away from home is frankly ridiculous. He must be well-trained by his bonkers family to not see this. I'm sure your midwife or consultant would make their feelings clear.

It must be awful for him to accept how little his family value the 3 (4 ) of you. The technical term for his discomfort and unwillingness to see what's happening is "cognitive dissonance". Basically it's uncomfortable to have two conflicting thoughts simultaneously. My family are nice people who care for us vs look at their bonkers behaviour. Like suggesting you all, including a newborn, go on a 15 hour drive and are then exposed to the viruses that will be present in a hotel full of strangers who want to touch the baby's hands and face and last washed their own hands who knows when...

[curiousgeorgie]

Glakit - I do that all the time! And look at my little DD sleeping and think please please don't be like them! Lol...

[GoingGoingGoth]

Blatantly marking my place, as I've been lurking for days.

Don't go!

[ithaka]

Don't go. I didn't go to my SIL's wedding (because I had a new baby and she was a thoughtless madam about the earlier death of our son). My DH didn't go either (his sister).

Oh, it was drama on the high seas at the time. I cared not a jot. Which meant in the end they all had to calm down and try and build bridges. Which I let them do. And it is all brushed under carpet now.

Do not put yourself through it. Stand your ground, let it wash over you, and PIL will come crawling back when they realise they have to be nice to have a relationship with their son/grandchild. At which time, you may choose to be the bigger person - I am so high up on the moral high ground, the view is stunning.

[teejwood]

They asked you not to go to a new consultant after several mc so you wouldn't mess up their wedding plans??

I can understand that they couldn't hold off on making their plans and the way it has all worked out is a bit unfortunate timing wise - but obviously fab as you are now pg with longed-for dc2!

But the way in which you have been treated, shoved at a back table with the dc's and people you don't know (probably so you don't take the shine off Bridezilla), with DH under orders to be in groom party seclusion - well feck that with a great big feckity stick. It seems to indicate that their problem (jealousy?) with you and complete disregard for your DH's family (as in you and DC's) goes back some way....

I mean quite apart from the travel, passport, pain, risk of blood clots, cost - what about the post-pg hormones? You may be happy as larry, but if you're feeling a bit down the last place you want to be is sitting in enforced, false gaiety with a bunch of bloody strangers.

Tell them to get stuffed.