DH's awful family part 2...

[curiousgeorgie]

So I've started a second thread as requested...

Who would have guessed that they would be so bad as to require more than 1000 posts

[beginnings]

Do not, do not DO NOT contemplate driving to Ireland. I live in Kent and my parents live in Dublin. In August when DD was 15 weeks old it took 13 hours to get from there home. I actually cried at Heston services on the M4 as I sat in the back of the car feeding, knowing that I had another hour before we got home. DH had wanted to push on through but I knew DD wouldn't make it and didn't want to have to be on the South Circular/M25 with her screaming her head off.

As for the passport issue, RyanScare would, I'm sure, make you have one for DC2. Aer Lingus might let you away with a birth cert. Technically you don't need them at the airport as technically there's no border between the UK and Ireland but it has become standard to ask for them and I've heard some tricky stories about people travelling with babies who don't have passports as the authorities are very nervous about baby trafficking.

I sadly can very well believe they asked you to stop TTC. There are no bridezillas like Irish bridezillas. Something takes over people. I escaped - I think being here helped. But my mother turned into a mother-zilla. Honestly, if I had one more conversation about the shape of my sodding bouquet.......

Keep strong curious you're doing brilliantly!!

[WhatchaMaCalllit]

I'm on pg 4 at the moment (about half way down) and I saw your response OP

I'm so so angry with SIL in particular, as I spend such a lot of time with her at different baby & toddler things that she a) had a million opportunities to tell me and b) should have known how important it would be to tell me.

Does that mean that she has unwillingly exposed those babies and toddlers and mums to CMV too? Are they aware that they have been exposed to this disease?

I know in the primary schools that my kids go to that if there is exposure to any illness we get a note home about it (recently it was ringworm, previously it has been head lice) but we get notes home to say there has been a child in X class that has Y and you should be aware. If I were you, I'd make sure that everyone that they have been in contact with is aware of the potential risk.

I am gobsmacked at their disregard for you, for their unborn niece/nephew, for their brother and just their utter pomposity at how the world and everyone elses life must be put on hold for this wedding.

Who do they think they are?????

[curiousgeorgie]

I did say this to DH, who said it to MIL... The defends is that if you have a child who mixes with other children you're subjecting them to loads of germs everyday and you couldn't possibly protect them from everything. What was she supposed to do.. Stay in?

Yes. Like I'm doing now until I get my results. DD is bored already and it's only 8.40 so I'm looking down the barrel of a long day of Disney junior!

She was up so much in the night complaining of earache... I so hope that isn't a CMV sign

[DeepRedBetty]

quick place mark

And Go Team Georgie!

Booo Hissss Team ILs!

[Creameggkr]

Wouldn't normal relatives have made allowances for the fact you have just had a baby/section?
Dh not allowed to be with his wife and chikdren??? Are they feckkng mental?
I'm surprised at your dh, mine would have said he's coming back Fter the meal as I'd need the help.
As fit making you sit with strangers well that's just ridiculous.
No don't go. I went to the races five weeks after my section. It was just doable but extremely tiring and its uncomfortable to sit for a long time with a seat belt on too.

[FryOneFatManic]

Georgie You could do worse than letting your DH see Tortoiseonthehalfshell's excellent summary.

[Thumbwitch]

www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Cytomegalovirus/Pages/Symptoms.aspx

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

I have read Tortoiseonthehalfshell's summary and it is indeed excellent.

Your inlaws curiousgeorgie are completely and utterly toxic (not just to say narcissistic) and your DH is behaving like the scapegoat for all their inherent ills; this is also why he cannot stand up to his mad as a box of cut snakes parents. He's been taught to come a dim and distant second to his brother, people from dysfunctional families end up playing roles and your DH is playing the role of scapegoat to perfection. He has been taught to put himself (and by turn any family he himself goes onto have) last.

The problem you also have here is that your DH may never be able to leave the role assigned to him by them. He may never be able to stand up for himself.

I would not attend the wedding under any circumstances; you have excellent medical reasons not to attend. Do not put your health at risk for such people because they won't thank you anyway and they are truly not worth it.

You might want to think in the longer term about cutting them off altogether.

Would suggest you read "Toxic Inlaws" written by Susan Forward.

[MadamGazelleIsMyMum]

OP, definitely dont go. Why put yourself to such trouble for people who quite clearly dont give a shit about you? Hope all well with the blood tests.

[FryOneFatManic]

I'd listen to Attila as well, she knows her stuff, having seen her in action on the Relationship board.

[diddl]

Oh don't go!

Of course children easily pass things on-but some things are worthy of telling other about!!

[ssd]

op, just a thought

whilst you are happy posting all the details of your life on here, just remember you have to live with his family as long as you have dh, so make up your own mind and stop enjoying all the attention here from dissecting your life

in other words, do what you want, this is all turning a bit attention seeking for me

[saffronwblue]

Oh they just get worse by the minute, your ILs. Don't go to the wedding. Don't let them be vague about their accommodation during the renovation.

[Bossybritches22]

Tortoises summary really does put it into perspective.

Send it to Auntie J ....she'll fight your corner!

(unless she is an MN-er & is already following this!! Waves to Auntie J)

[curiousgeorgie]

Ssd - I'm attention seeking?

[BaronessBomburst]

Attention seek all you want Georgie. You're more interesting than the drying-up.

[Sugarice]

ssd don't be ridiculous!

Others, including me, have asked georgie to keep posting.

Don't read the thread if it irritates you, it really is that simple.

[dawntigga]

georgie DO NOT GO.

They are selfish twunts.

SSDODFODTiggaxx

[beginnings]

ssd well done on being supportive.

What thread on any Internet forum isn't seeking attention? Surely seeking attention for support is what MN is all about!

[FryOneFatManic]

Tigga, took me a moment to work out your sign-off

[Thumbwitch]

me too FryOne - got it now though!

[teejwood]

ssd op's thoughts, feelings and safety are being ignored by IL's in real life so I imagine these threads actually have provided much-needed validation that is helping her protect herself and her family. That isn't attention-seeking, that's important.

In this type of situation, it is so easy to become ground down and feel like every justifiable thought and feeling you have is wrong - exposing that rot to the air isn't attention seeking, it's healthy.

Carry on posting as much - or as little - as you wish, Georgie. Don't feel you have to keep quiet - you get enough of that in RL. But equally don't feel like you have to keep posting for our sakes, much though we are on your side and want to know that all is working out for the best. It's your life, not ours and you have enough obligations in RL without feeling obligated to keep us up to date!

[ThedementedPenguin]

I've just read your other thread. I am at your ils.

I hope you get everything sorted out soon. Also that your blood test results come back fine.

Stay strong and don't give into them.

[HeartsTrumpDiamonds]

I'm being exceptionally thick but what does Tigga's sign off mean??

[glenthebattleostrich]

SSD I find putting a comment like that on a thread where the OP clearly needs to offload to prevent several murders quite attention seeking actually.

OP, I've spent the morning reading your threads, your in-laws are horrendous, after not telling you about such a dangerous virus they do not deserve to spend time with you or your lovely children. Nor do they deserve your presence at the wedding.

I hope you enjoy your lovely little 'babymoon' without having them there.

and, does Aunty want to adopt me, she sounds ace. I can bake her lots of lovely cakes and biscuits and mix a mean G&T