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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to find friends sexual history a bit grim?

254 replies

LoversThatWentWrong · 09/03/2013 15:39

Now I'm not a prude or a "pearl clutcher" but we got onto the subject of how many people we had slept with etc and I found my friends sexual past not shocking, just really grim.

She has slept with 15ish people and couldn't remember half of their names. Nothing wrong with that if you're single and enjoy no strings attached sex but she only slept with most of these men in order to get her numbers up. To boast about how many men shes slept with.

I know other people who slept around a lot in their past but they did it because they were single and enjoyed sex - it wasn't about getting their numbers up at all.

OP posts:
TeiTetua · 12/03/2013 00:34

Anyone who's been to bed with more people than I have has been promiscuous. Anyone who hasn't had as many has had no fun in life. That's what I say.

TeiTetua · 12/03/2013 00:36

Oh and I love the idea that someone might "loose her vaginity". Let it fly, fly! Be free!

pinkyredrose · 12/03/2013 00:41

If anyone finds my vaginity could they hand it back please? Feeling lost without it.

ChairmanWow · 12/03/2013 07:21

Oh god I'm due to give birth this week. Come back vaginity, come back.

TheFallenNinja · 12/03/2013 08:23

15? She's still under warranty. Pathetic effort Smile

2cats2many · 12/03/2013 08:30

I lost count of how many men I'd slept with a looooong time ago. I'm not saying that there's hundreds of them, just that I didn't keep a tally after about 5 and I really wouldn't be able to remember quite a few if I tried to add up now.

pinkyredrose · 12/03/2013 11:37

ninja Grin

Pinkdaisy4 · 12/03/2013 13:56

Only 15??????

She needs to get out more :o

atthewelles · 12/03/2013 14:22

Getting her numbers up??

Why? Any dog on the street can have sex. Having numerous partners is nothing to boast about. Its a bit sad really that something that's meant to be special has become something so meaningless nowadays.

OP YANBU and you are being unfairly flamed on here. I too would find it grim if a friend told me something as sordid as that.

mummabug · 13/03/2013 12:39

atthewelles I totally agree with you

ChairmanWow · 13/03/2013 12:52

Its a bit sad really that something that's meant to be special has become something so meaningless nowadays.

That's your moral standpoint on sex, and of course your choice to view it as something to be treated as special should be respected. But others view sex in different ways with different people. Special with someone you love, exciting and fun when it's casual.

I just don't think the OP's friend's sex life should be such a source of horror. I don't see how 2 single people having a shag impacts on anyone else really.

LemonPeculiarJones · 13/03/2013 13:17

Hmmm OP I think your use of 'grim' has influenced this thread a great deal. It's a term I associate with teenagers going, "Eewwwwwww!" about something.

I think it's that term which has made you seem judgemental.

If you'd posted, 'I'm really worried about my friend, she seems to be shagging around purely 'to get her numbers up'. I'm concerned about her self-esteem' then I think the general response may have been different.

She is entitled to have consensual sex for whatever reason she chooses. Does she get upset after each shag, feel diminished and sad? Is she careless about contraception? If not, then I think it's fine really.

Original poster
LoversThatWentWrong · 13/03/2013 13:24

I think your use of 'grim' has influenced this thread a great deal. It's a term I associate with teenagers going, "Eewwwwwww!" about something.

Yes I realise that,

However I am not a teenager and when I use the word grim I mean "causing sad feelings of gloom and inadequacy" (quoting from the dictionary nerd )

I just felt it was sad that she would feel the need to ever sleep with someone to say I've slept with this many men.

The number of people you sleep with doesn't validate anything to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
LoversThatWentWrong · 13/03/2013 13:25

And thanks atthewelles and mummabug Smile

OP posts:
LemonPeculiarJones · 13/03/2013 13:30

Hehe OP I have seldom heard people using 'grim' by strict dictionary definition! I'm sure you didn't mean it as in "eeewwwww" but I think that's how it probably came across, hence the general reaction.

Thanking atthewelles for her 'any dog in the street comment' makes you seem even more judgemental though.

StillSeekingSpike · 13/03/2013 13:38

'Its a bit sad really that something that's meant to be special has become something so meaningless nowadays.'

There is a middle way between 'special' and meaningless, y'know. Sometimes it's fun, sometimes dreadful, sometimes hilarious, sometimes forgettable.

SolidGoldBrass · 13/03/2013 14:19

Loving the fanfic links, far more fun than the thread. Viower Excretion Avised!

lubeybooby · 13/03/2013 14:24

15? LMFAO that is absolutely nothing at all. Jeez. Practically a virgin in fact :o

OP and I have read it properly but you still come across the way people have reacted to.

If she wants to sleep with a lot of people it's none of your judgey business whatever her reason is.

She could be conducting a survey on pubes and insist on not knowing their names and keep hoods over their faces for all I care... and work her way through the entire male single population. Who gives a shit? Doesn't affect you does it?

Fillyjonk75 · 13/03/2013 14:25

I think it's a bit off to go round telling someone how many men you've slept with but if everyone was having a frank discussion of that nature or if you were directly asked then it's fine. I must admit in my early twenties I did pay attention to how many men one of my friends had slept with and thought I should get my numbers up a bit!

Anyway I met DH at 23 so I'm glad I had plenty of experience first or I might have felt regret at meeting probably the last man I would ever sleep with so early in my life.

Fillyjonk75 · 13/03/2013 14:27

OP YANBU and you are being unfairly flamed on here. I too would find it grim if a friend told me something as sordid as that.

Good grief. Have you never talked with your friends about sex?

You see, I find THAT grim.

Original poster
LoversThatWentWrong · 13/03/2013 14:32

OP and I have read it properly but you still come across the way people have reacted to.

And what way is that?

I find it sad that she felt the need to do that.

If she wants to have carefree sex then go ahead. But it's a sad reason to do it just to boast about numbers.

OP posts:
Fillyjonk75 · 13/03/2013 14:37

Oh I don't know, where's your competitive spirit? Smile

Original poster
LoversThatWentWrong · 13/03/2013 14:40

To be honest I can see why she's done it tbh, the amount of people that have judged her on here - way worse than me.

"15 is that it?!"

"Practically a virgin!!"

I'm getting quite bored now of being hung and mocked after 10 pages.

I admitted that I was wrong to judge her ages ago. But people are still baying for blood on here.

OP posts:
lubeybooby · 13/03/2013 14:52

I'm not baying for blood OP, just like with most aibu threads I reply on I jumped in with my twopennorth. I have it set to show all replies at once so had no idea there was ten pages of it...

Anyway with AIBU you do need to be prepared for it to go like this.

and the comments about 15 is that it? and practically a virgin etc were to get across to you that is really not much at all, no judgement on her.... I don't care if she's had zero, one or one thousand.

Original poster
LoversThatWentWrong · 13/03/2013 14:57

And neither do I!

It's got nothing to do with the number at all - I am sick and tired of saying the same thing. ITS THE REASON.

I already said I was being unreasonable and yet people like you just keep going on and on and on at me.

OP posts: