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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

in thinking that I need to be a bit wary of this woman, regarding my DH.

207 replies

Megatron · 09/03/2013 09:57

Firstly, I need to say that I am not some jealous haridan that thinks everyone is after my man. Smile I will explain a few recent things that have happened and perhaps you good people will give an opinion if my spidey sense is tingling with good reason.

DH and I been together 15 years, 2 children, v happy, no concerns there. We live in a small village and there are normally various social events every month, some of which we attend some we don't. There's been quite a lot on since Christmas, nothing fancy, a lot of them with the children etc but we have been out more than usual recently.

Anyway, at a New Year bash one of the women who often attends these things with her husband was all over DH like a rash (let's call her Rachel). DH slightly mortified, put it down to too much booze and kept moving away from her (she followed) and rested her hand on his backside whilst standing with him. He moved back to where I was, put his arm around my waist and she went back to talk to her DH. I only know any of this because DH told me. A couple of the other women I know said 'oh it looks like Rachel has her sights set on Mr Mega now' and told me that this is now uncommon and that she has 'form' (their words).

To be honest I didn't think too much of it as it all seemed a bit silly, but since then Rachel has made a real effort to befriend me. She very glamorous, high powered career, pots of money and 'used to getting what she wants' according to her. We are poles apart and have very little in common so I have not actively encouraged anything more than passing the time of day. In the last three weeks she has:

Asked when I would be in so she could pop in and borrow a DVD box set. Then came on the only night I said I would NOT be there, went into the kitchen and started to make herself a cup of tea until DH said that he was expecting a mate round, so she left.

Sent DH a filthy text message (which he showed me) then immediately sent another one saying 'Oops, was meant for Y (her DH), wouldn't want you to get the wrong idea'. Apparently she got his work mobile no from Linked In. Not sure why she would look him up.

Sent him an underwear photo the following day, followed by another 'Oops' then made great pains to come and tell me that it was absolutely an accident. Incidentally their names do not begin with the same initial so would not be next to each other on her phone list.

Last night, at a very casual drinks thing at local cricket club, told him she's been dreaming about him. Again, followed him around like a puppy until he eventually planted himself beside me again which we seldom do, we're normall talking to different people. She then said to me 'Oh Mega ha ha, you must think I'm after your husband ha ha ha'. Er well, actually I do.

DH knows I am posting this btw and says she makes him feel uncomfortable. I am pretty chilled about most things but I think this has to stop now.

So dear reader, this has been longer than I anticipated Grin what do you think?

OP posts:
igotaway · 09/03/2013 14:12

again BOF is correct.
If this is only happening since new year and occasionaly, then you will get nowhere by reporting her
If it has happened over 2 years, then you might get a copper to have a word,

If she loosens the bolts on your car wheels, posts you on the internet as prostitute, jumps out at you from behind hedges, follows you round tesco, leaves flowers and notes, sends emails of a disgusting nature, leaves used sanitary towels on your doorstep, reports your children for being neglected, THEN you have a problem.

I think this woman is being rather silly rather than dangerous.(although i thought that in the beginning)

Even so, keep a diary, I have one which is 2inches thick!!!!!

By the way, you don't live in the west midlands do you?????

Megatron · 09/03/2013 14:19

Well I hope we've done the right thing. He had a text about an hour ago saying she hoped to see him at the local tonight and that she 'could do with the company as DH is away til tomorrow'. Subtle as a brick eh?

He's sent this text back - Please don't contact us again you are making us uncomfortable. I have blocked your number.

That's it. What do you think?

OP posts:
notactuallyme · 09/03/2013 14:21

This thread reminds me of my granny, who as a new wife, walked to granddads office and told his secretary, in front of everyone, that it was very kind of her to make sure granddad got to the station after work, but he was old enough to walk there by himself now.
I loved my granny!

tharsheblows · 09/03/2013 14:21

Think that's excellent! Has he blocked her number? I guess if he can't, then he can just ignore. But don't delete the messages, keep them just in case.

The "have my mum write a note" thing is hilarious. :) Your poor husband, it's no fun for anyone to be in that position.

YouTheCat · 09/03/2013 14:24

Good for him. Glad he's sorted it.

PureQuintessence · 09/03/2013 14:24

Good, it gives the message that you and him are a unit and you have been discussing it.

Megatron · 09/03/2013 14:24

He doesn't know how to block it but she doesn't know that. Im wondering if she'll text me now, I really hope not!

OP posts:
PureQuintessence · 09/03/2013 14:26

If she does contact you now, there is only one thing to say:

Stop embarassing yourself

Or

Dont make a fool out of yourself

YouTheCat · 09/03/2013 14:26

In this case, I'd say no news is good news.

tharsheblows · 09/03/2013 14:29

Ha! I only asked because I would have no clue how to block a number. I'm sure someone on here knows how if he really wants to.

Hope that's the end of it for you guys.

SmethwickBelle · 09/03/2013 14:29

She sounds unhinged. Your husband needs to tell her to behave, firmly, now as subtlety isn't going to work with this one.

TroublesomeEx · 09/03/2013 14:30

Sounds fine.

Tbh, I think I'd have said "Please don't contact us again, you're making yourself look ridiculous! I have blocked your number".

But either way, let's hope it stops. I also agree though to keep any messages you do get and keep a diary of any further communications.

SmethwickBelle · 09/03/2013 14:30

Oops - looks like you have batted her down - good text. Hope that's the end of it for you.

Cakecrumbsinmybra · 09/03/2013 14:30

Hopefully she'll get the message. Horrible behaviour.

TroublesomeEx · 09/03/2013 14:30

Well if she does text again, make sure you let us know what she says!! Grin

BadgersNadgers · 09/03/2013 14:31

So are you going to the pub tonight? I would be tempted to, just to see what she might be saying about you.

BOF · 09/03/2013 14:54

Excellent assertive text. Ignore now, avoid the pub.

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 09/03/2013 14:55

Hopefully she'll stop now, because she stepping into potential stalker territory.

LadyPessaryPam · 09/03/2013 14:56

Blimey this sounds like our village pub, always shenanigans going on, not involving DH and me I hasten to add. You should both go to the pub tonight and report back here on Sunday,

BOF · 09/03/2013 15:01

Noooooooo. Resist the temptation. Cut off her drama.

BOF · 09/03/2013 15:03

Get a takeaway and a film and enjoy a night in, or go further afield out for dinner or something. Anything but where she is likely to be.

I bet she will try to call when she's pissed. Do not answer.

I think you have to ring your carrier to block the number, but they will do it for you no problem.

IneedAsockamnesty · 09/03/2013 15:04

Good response from dh.

Just so you know when it comes to the police dealing with harassment,it does NOT have to be extended over years a few incidents can be more than enough and the person does have to be aware that the behaviour is unwelcome, that could be from you telling them or a person acting on your behalf telling them or it could be via the police but they cannot be prosecuted if its either not blatantly obvious its unwanted or they have not been told it not wanted.

FellNel · 09/03/2013 15:07

Agree with BOF She is likely to be smarting from that text and wanting to turn it on him somehow - like trying to imply to you or others that he has been encouraging her. Don't give the the chance of an audience for a few weeks. Hoepfully she'll have got over herself by then, or moved onto another victim.

Sugarice · 09/03/2013 15:11

Were you both due to be at the local tonight for a party or similar?

Your poor dh, hope this is the end of it from her stalkerish behaviour!

Megatron · 09/03/2013 15:14

Not going out tonight. Neither of us are ones for drama and I can't be doing with a showdown of any sort to be honest. I just want her to go away quietly but I've got a feeling she won't make it easy.

OP posts: