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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

in thinking that I need to be a bit wary of this woman, regarding my DH.

207 replies

Megatron · 09/03/2013 09:57

Firstly, I need to say that I am not some jealous haridan that thinks everyone is after my man. Smile I will explain a few recent things that have happened and perhaps you good people will give an opinion if my spidey sense is tingling with good reason.

DH and I been together 15 years, 2 children, v happy, no concerns there. We live in a small village and there are normally various social events every month, some of which we attend some we don't. There's been quite a lot on since Christmas, nothing fancy, a lot of them with the children etc but we have been out more than usual recently.

Anyway, at a New Year bash one of the women who often attends these things with her husband was all over DH like a rash (let's call her Rachel). DH slightly mortified, put it down to too much booze and kept moving away from her (she followed) and rested her hand on his backside whilst standing with him. He moved back to where I was, put his arm around my waist and she went back to talk to her DH. I only know any of this because DH told me. A couple of the other women I know said 'oh it looks like Rachel has her sights set on Mr Mega now' and told me that this is now uncommon and that she has 'form' (their words).

To be honest I didn't think too much of it as it all seemed a bit silly, but since then Rachel has made a real effort to befriend me. She very glamorous, high powered career, pots of money and 'used to getting what she wants' according to her. We are poles apart and have very little in common so I have not actively encouraged anything more than passing the time of day. In the last three weeks she has:

Asked when I would be in so she could pop in and borrow a DVD box set. Then came on the only night I said I would NOT be there, went into the kitchen and started to make herself a cup of tea until DH said that he was expecting a mate round, so she left.

Sent DH a filthy text message (which he showed me) then immediately sent another one saying 'Oops, was meant for Y (her DH), wouldn't want you to get the wrong idea'. Apparently she got his work mobile no from Linked In. Not sure why she would look him up.

Sent him an underwear photo the following day, followed by another 'Oops' then made great pains to come and tell me that it was absolutely an accident. Incidentally their names do not begin with the same initial so would not be next to each other on her phone list.

Last night, at a very casual drinks thing at local cricket club, told him she's been dreaming about him. Again, followed him around like a puppy until he eventually planted himself beside me again which we seldom do, we're normall talking to different people. She then said to me 'Oh Mega ha ha, you must think I'm after your husband ha ha ha'. Er well, actually I do.

DH knows I am posting this btw and says she makes him feel uncomfortable. I am pretty chilled about most things but I think this has to stop now.

So dear reader, this has been longer than I anticipated Grin what do you think?

OP posts:
BOF · 09/03/2013 12:52

She wants DRAMA more than she wants your husband, so take that into account when dealing with her.

I agree that she could turn this all around (more drama) if crossed, so I tend to think that cutting contact with her as much as possible (look bored, one word answers, avoid her) until she gets bored is the best course of action. Don't respond to any more texts or photos. Suffocate the llama.

Tailtwister · 09/03/2013 13:01

It seems pretty clear to me that she's trying to get her talons into your DH.

Your DH needs to be as blunt as she's being and just tell her straight.

TheCrackFox · 09/03/2013 13:02

Could your DH block her number on his mobile? Either you both ignore her totally or get DH to text her and tell her to stop acting like a dick.

Magimedi · 09/03/2013 13:08

The woman sounds crazy. I would be very careful about confronting her in case she tries to turn things round.

I would be very tempted to tell everyone I knew in the village about what she was doing and make sure you say how very amusing you find it, meaning amusing/pathetic. It will get back to her & nobody likes to be ridiculed.

SPsFanjoTheBigStickyHaribo · 09/03/2013 13:09

Could your husband not dress up as a woman or something an accidently send it to her? Grin Might put her off or make her worse though!

He has to tell her that shes just embarrassing herself and creeping him out

PureQuintessence · 09/03/2013 13:09

He could start with telling her "Let me have your husbands mobile phone so I can forward on any messages sent to me in error"

Or
"Dont worry about any texts and pictures sent to me in error, my wife and I are having a good laugh about it, in future I will just forward them on to your husband, in case you dont realize you sent them to me" ha ha.

Dawndonna · 09/03/2013 13:14

I'm sorry, but I did laugh at the idea of getting a note from his Mum! Grin

I'm with everybody else, he does need to do something, he needs to do it soon. I think ensuring that you know will help, so fuckwittery's idea of telling her you've sent the message on to her dh is a good one.

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 09/03/2013 13:17

I'd be telling this woman in no uncertain terms to fuck of with the fuck away from my fella.

Or theres always blocking her number, so she cant access it.

seeker · 09/03/2013 13:24

Why are people suggesting the OP should engage with this woman? It's her husband's job, not hers- unless we're in Eastaenders territory.

ElliesWellies · 09/03/2013 13:25

I wouldn't approach her yourself - she will just try to make you out to be a jealous, paranoid wife (which you're not... she is clearly after him).

Agree, he should ask her to delete his number.

If she does anything physical, e.g. brushing against him, he should just walk off and ignore her. If he keeps blanking her she should get the message.

YouTheCat · 09/03/2013 13:26

I wouldn't be riling her. She will tell her husband it was your dh who was chasing and he will side with her.

I like PureQuintessence's text suggestion of: 'Dont worry about any texts and pictures sent to me in error, my wife and I are having a good laugh about it, in future I will just forward them on to your husband, in case you dont realize you sent them to me'.

It gives a clear message that you are aware of everything and that you are laughing at her.

If that doesn't work, block her number.

MorrisZapp · 09/03/2013 13:27

Well quite. I may well be thinking fuck off etc but saying it aloud would be bizarre. Only the DH can say this. Telling other women to back off is soooo Eastenders.

FellNel · 09/03/2013 13:27

I agree Seeker - we don't need to do fishwives scrapping at dawn over this. If she has nothing to fear (from her DH) then she should trust him to sort it out in a dignified fashion. Turn it on its head - if a man was flirting outrageously with you would you tell your husband and hope he'd go and deck him, or would you just practise PARD and say 'look I'm flattered and everything but you are making an arse of yourself - bugger off before I start to get cross.'

DeafLeopard · 09/03/2013 13:29

BOF has said what I would, be wary of her

igotaway · 09/03/2013 13:34

We had a woman in our lives just like this one - totally MAD

Just ignore, ignore, ignore her. She is after the drama, learn to laugh at her,
totally agree with what Magimedi and BOF said because this is what happens, she'll turn it round and make you look a fool. Don't bother to change numbers either - it'll show her that she is getting to you.

saintlyjimjams · 09/03/2013 13:40

She's embarrassing herself. Sounds like rude & blunt is the way to go (although she sounds like the sort of tiresome person who would create a drama out of being tokd your DH isn't interested so maybe ride in the 'no it's not convenient for you to come in you have to go home now' type way.

She sounds a nightmare.

saintlyjimjams · 09/03/2013 13:41

Oh ha cross posted. But yes avoid the drama

Phoebe47 · 09/03/2013 13:44

I would just ignore texts he has already had but save them as evidence. Blocking her number is the best way to stop them. Don't think your dh should respond in any way except by blocking the number. At any social events you are all at just walk away if she approaches you and dh and don't engage with her. She should get the message. If this does not work have a word with her husband. If she turns up at your home do not let her in/be "just on the way out"/don't answer the door.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 09/03/2013 13:47

Maybe I've had a sense of humour failing but... if a bloke was:

  • groping you without your consent
  • following you around at social events without your consent
  • pushing their way your home
  • sending you pictures of him in his underwear
  • using the internet to get your personal details and using them to harass you

I hope you wouldn't be laughing it off or 'ignoring' - you would be calling the police and getting a court order. It's criminal behaviour - physical harassment and stalking.

If you say 'oh she just wants drama, just ignore her' you're still acting according what SHE wants.

I would put in writing that you will contact the police if she does any of the above again.

BOF · 09/03/2013 13:53

I don't think the police would be remotely interested.

YouTheCat · 09/03/2013 13:54

The thing is, with contacting the police (and yes it is clearly harassment), you must not give her warning that you will do this as this will give her time to formulate a story and turn it around. She will not crawl away with her tail between her legs, feeling all ashamed - she will love the drama.

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 09/03/2013 13:57

If DH goes down the police route, then he needs all the evidence he can muster, and as Cat says, dont inform her first, because that is she really will blame DH.

Magimedi · 09/03/2013 14:00

I would be very wary of going to the police - if she turns things round it could get really nasty.

I am sure that ridicule is the way to go.

ExitPursuedByABear · 09/03/2013 14:05

Shameless hussy!

Bossybritches22 · 09/03/2013 14:06

God how desperate is this woman??

Definately have firm words, wouldn't bother the police but it could be hinted at if she doesn't back off.

Silly cah! Grin

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