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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

in thinking that I need to be a bit wary of this woman, regarding my DH.

207 replies

Megatron · 09/03/2013 09:57

Firstly, I need to say that I am not some jealous haridan that thinks everyone is after my man. Smile I will explain a few recent things that have happened and perhaps you good people will give an opinion if my spidey sense is tingling with good reason.

DH and I been together 15 years, 2 children, v happy, no concerns there. We live in a small village and there are normally various social events every month, some of which we attend some we don't. There's been quite a lot on since Christmas, nothing fancy, a lot of them with the children etc but we have been out more than usual recently.

Anyway, at a New Year bash one of the women who often attends these things with her husband was all over DH like a rash (let's call her Rachel). DH slightly mortified, put it down to too much booze and kept moving away from her (she followed) and rested her hand on his backside whilst standing with him. He moved back to where I was, put his arm around my waist and she went back to talk to her DH. I only know any of this because DH told me. A couple of the other women I know said 'oh it looks like Rachel has her sights set on Mr Mega now' and told me that this is now uncommon and that she has 'form' (their words).

To be honest I didn't think too much of it as it all seemed a bit silly, but since then Rachel has made a real effort to befriend me. She very glamorous, high powered career, pots of money and 'used to getting what she wants' according to her. We are poles apart and have very little in common so I have not actively encouraged anything more than passing the time of day. In the last three weeks she has:

Asked when I would be in so she could pop in and borrow a DVD box set. Then came on the only night I said I would NOT be there, went into the kitchen and started to make herself a cup of tea until DH said that he was expecting a mate round, so she left.

Sent DH a filthy text message (which he showed me) then immediately sent another one saying 'Oops, was meant for Y (her DH), wouldn't want you to get the wrong idea'. Apparently she got his work mobile no from Linked In. Not sure why she would look him up.

Sent him an underwear photo the following day, followed by another 'Oops' then made great pains to come and tell me that it was absolutely an accident. Incidentally their names do not begin with the same initial so would not be next to each other on her phone list.

Last night, at a very casual drinks thing at local cricket club, told him she's been dreaming about him. Again, followed him around like a puppy until he eventually planted himself beside me again which we seldom do, we're normall talking to different people. She then said to me 'Oh Mega ha ha, you must think I'm after your husband ha ha ha'. Er well, actually I do.

DH knows I am posting this btw and says she makes him feel uncomfortable. I am pretty chilled about most things but I think this has to stop now.

So dear reader, this has been longer than I anticipated Grin what do you think?

OP posts:
bulletwithbutterflywings · 09/03/2013 10:17

Wow she sounds bonkers! I would suggest he tells her to do one (politely) in a setting with other people around so she would be making a scene if she tries anything dodgy!

bootsycollins · 09/03/2013 10:17

Or he could just text her a pic of a micro penis?

RoseGarden123 · 09/03/2013 10:17

We had a woman like this in our lives. Dh and I have a very good relationship and I never worried for a second he'd reciprocate but when he started to very bluntly tell her to away it got a whole lot worse with her spreading a whole host of rumours. He and i then just completely ignored and blanked her which worked so much better, she soon got bored of no reaction or attention.
Its a horrid situation to be in though!

RoseGarden123 · 09/03/2013 10:17

We had a woman like this in our lives. Dh and I have a very good relationship and I never worried for a second he'd reciprocate but when he started to very bluntly tell her to away it got a whole lot worse with her spreading a whole host of rumours. He and i then just completely ignored and blanked her which worked so much better, she soon got bored of no reaction or attention.
Its a horrid situation to be in though!

MisselthwaiteManor · 09/03/2013 10:19

If I was in his position I'd actually be frightened! Hunting down his number and 'bumping into him' all the time is stalkerish.

catgirl1976 · 09/03/2013 10:19

Hmmm

If you DH won't tell her straight (which he should) can you arrange for her to "overhear" him saying how sad it is and how uninterested he is

Baby monitor "Accidentally" left on or something could work

But really, your DH needs to tell her to stop

AngelWreakinHavoc · 09/03/2013 10:19

I agree with the other posters, Your DH needs to put this bunny boiler Woman in her place.

I would advise this is done by text message for his and your own records as she sounds unhinged I would be concerned she might make some bullshit story or turn the tables on your dH amongst your group/friends if she doesnt like what she hears.

Good Luck to you both!

Megatron · 09/03/2013 10:19

I think I haven't said anything because I don't want to come over as a jealous wife. And she could almost make it sound like nothing as she is incredibly plausible when she talks.

Oh my hand just brushed against him.

I could have sworn you said that was the night you'd be IN.

It's so easy to mix up numbers isn't it.

I came across him accidentally on Linked In while looking for someone else. Thought it may be useful in case I couldn't contact you if I needed to.

He's so easy to chat to isn't he, thanks for letting me borrow him.

You see what I mean?

OP posts:
crushedintherush · 09/03/2013 10:20

Oh dear....the next time she asks when you are out of the house, say a certain day to her, then come back home earlier than expected so she is still there. Or hide in the back garden and come in through the back door when she arrives.

Then while there are 3 of you, your dh can then tell her to stop. That way, your dh has said it in front of you, and her dh won't knowSmile

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 09/03/2013 10:20

I think first of all I would mention the text and picture in front of her dh, but in a jokey way, say you sent an embarrassing text to the wrong number then say 'oh remember when you did that to dh, then the photo too, we laughed for ages about that' her dh , might not know about it.

If that didn't work I would tell her, or get dh to tell her, that she is just embarrassing herself and to stop it. Sometimes being blatent is the only way forward.

Megatron · 09/03/2013 10:20

bootsy I love that idea!

OP posts:
INeedThatForkOff · 09/03/2013 10:21

I agree with the poster who said that this is sexual harassment. She sounds like a stalker!

Megatron · 09/03/2013 10:23

Actually I hadn't thought that she might try to turn it around on him, that would be awful. Sad

Maybe a text would be good as he can keep that on record. God this is all such a pain in the arse.

OP posts:
HollyBerryBush · 09/03/2013 10:23

DH had this with his exwife for a while. She would pop up at times when she thought I would be out of the picture (morning after giving birth, that sort of thing). I Did say to DH, arrange to meeet the deluded cow and we'll both go Grin she'll get the message then. DH just ignored.

Fortunately she emigrated to NZ >flag waving

FakePlasticLobsters · 09/03/2013 10:24

The next time she says "you must think I'm after your DH" can you say "Yes, I do think so, so does he, so does half the village. They're all talking about it and he says you're getting on his nerves" and see what she says to that.

Or, your DH could reply to her texts telling her to delete his number as he would prefer not to get messages from her, either by accident or on purpose.

ENormaSnob · 09/03/2013 10:25

I find this seriously creepy tbh.

If this was a man doing it there would be uproar.

She would have to be told straight, preferably in public and as humiliating as possible. I would be ensuring her dh knew too.

Morloth · 09/03/2013 10:27

I think he needs to tell her via text or email, that is in writing to stop contacting him.

It is weird and unwelcome and he has a right to not be harassed.

lollilou · 09/03/2013 10:28

FakePlasticLobsters has it spot on, you should def say that to her.
She is after your man.

crushedintherush · 09/03/2013 10:29

sorry, what I meant in my post was, the bit about her 'dh won't know'
It was to put an end to her stalking once and for all, and to be able to maintain the friendship your dh has with her dh. Damage limitation.

Areyoumadorisitme · 09/03/2013 10:30

YANBU, she sounds dangerous. Not actually dangerous to you though as your DH and you are clearly a team.

I think he should tell her that she's embarrassing herself and please stop.

A few years ago I had a similar situation where a mum from the playground kept 'bumping into' DH when he went on works nights out. We also live in a village and the local town only had a couple of pubs where most people ended up so bumping into wasn't necessarily on purpose. But hanging onto his every word and rubbing up to him was! She became the big joke at his work as she was constantly trying to get him. He kept asking friends to come and save him, making excuses to go to toilet, bar etc. of course this only happened on boys nights out so I was never there.

Whilst we were never particularly good friends, during this time and the previous couple of years I'd been really nice to her and given her and her kids lifts places, into town etc to save her getting the bus. She was a single mum with little cash.

This went on for a year or so and thankfully DH told me about it each time and she couldn't be further from his type so I really wasn't worried. I guess I pitied her rather than felt threatened by her. I was getting annoyed by the end though and would have said something if it hadn't have petered out when she found a partner.

I feel for you and your DH and hope that she backs off.

YellowStickers · 09/03/2013 10:31

FakePlasticLobsters that is the best

Megatron · 09/03/2013 10:31

"you must think I'm after your DH" can you say "Yes, I do think so, so does he, so does half the village. They're all talking about it and he says you're getting on his nerves"

I'm going to have to do this too aren't I?

OP posts:
everlong · 09/03/2013 10:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

notactuallyme · 09/03/2013 10:32

Next time there's an accidental text or foto forward it to her dh - message saying 'can you ask your dw to delete my number this is the nth time she's accidentally sent stuff to me and mega is getting fed up'

Megatron · 09/03/2013 10:33

I'm so relieved that no one thinks I'm worrying for no good reason. I have to go out now but I will check back later for any other advice. And a big thank you to all of you.

OP posts: