to expect that my husband would prioritise his wife and children over his mother

[angelicstar]

Maybe I am - would be interested in opinion.

DH's mother is in hospital and they live about 2 hours away from us on the south coast. Although she has been quite ill she is recovering and will be out in about a week so it's not a life and death situation. DH drove down to see her on Monday and she has FIL and also DH's sister who lives near by so she is not languishing on her own.

Meanwhile I have been poorly and DD who is 2 has quite a bad viral infection with rash and high temperature. I also have a DD who is 4 and it's been hard work with them both today and poor DD2 had to be dragged out in the rain for school pick up.

DH was meant to see his mother tonight and stay over at his dad's but I have asked that he come home instead as I know DD will be up in the night and also if he is home tomorrow morning she won't have to drag out on the school run.

Just called him and he said he won't come home and his mother is his priority and he has to "split his time fairly" between us. Now surely it is not unreasonable to expect him to prioritise me and his poorly child. Just come off the phone to him in tears. Surely I should not have to beg my husband to help me with the kids? He left it saying he would see what he could sort out as if he was doing me some kind of favour.

Well? What happened? Did he come home?

I think the OP needs to realise that her DH and his sister are probably looking after their Dad too, and the SIL probably has a family to deal with. I would assume that it would be an 'all hands on deck' situation.
Greg Davies talked about the effect his Mother's hospitalisation had on his Dad in his 'one night stand' gig, the fact that he went to pieces and their roles were effectivley reversed for a while. Maybe the OP's FIL needs extra support too, it's not like they are all galavanting around the local pubs is it?
And yes I know I'm late to the thread and the OP has scarpered...

Op you will be the frail old lady in hospital one day, wouldn't you want your children to be there for you?
Furthermore one day your DD will be that lady too.How would you feel about her being frightened, sick and lonely

OP, I see where you are coming from but on this occasion I think YABU. It's a defficult situation for you I totally understand but his mum is in hospital. I would do the same for my mum.

Yabu in this situation i'm afraid.
Put yourself in his shoes for a moment, if this was your mum you would want to be there for her. Your dc will get over their bug, but mil is hospitalized, that's a lot worse on the scale of things. Support him

Op, YABU........

Op? Op? Oh she seems to have vanished.....

Sometimes I despair at the down right bullying in here. Its like girls ganging up in the play ground. Clearly the Op felt like shite and wanted a bit of support - which is understandable. She allready stated That her MIL was on the mend.

There is one thing having any opinion then there is being just nasty. Clearly for those nasty cows on here you are all super women/saints.

OP if your still around hope you and kiddies are feeling better

Oh FSS, when the whole of MN says YABU are we accused of bullying? There were a couple of OTT posts but the majority politely gave OP a reality check. This is AIBU and if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. Post on one of the MANY other boards for support and you will find the most wonderful, amazing posters on there.

I think wife aand child should come first, if all things are equal. hoever, it depends how ill you are and how ill dd is and how ill mil is... < removes splinters from arse>

the automatic assumption that his mum comes first is unreasonble, but he may be very worried and give a different response at another time.

laqueen there is a fine line between being honest and and damn right rude and nasty.
Your last post even has an aggressive tone maybe you need to chill out abit. I thought MN was about intelligent women giving support and advice to other like minded women. But clearly you have the cape crusader of the reality checks

The problem with asking intelligent, experienced women for support and advice is quite often they tell you the truth.

Its just the truth of the poster though, how they feel. Not evey one feels like that. Ive seen some fantastic supportive threads where posters have give great advice then go on to another thread and same posters are tearing shreads of poor OP's. The OP dosnt come back on (proberly crying in a corner somewhere) and posters are actually waiting for her to come back on so they can start again! Sorry thats not an intelligent experienced adult woman to me.

If the OP is right or wrong i dont think it need a vocal head kicking to drive the point home.

That's inclined to happen if you post on AIBU. If you are being, people tell you.

From what Ican see the OP asked a question starting with AIBU and explaining the background. The responses have answered the question. Are we expected to massage each others pride just because we are women. Sometimes it's better to be honest rather than saying something just to make someone feel better. You don't need to be mean when doing it but I think honesty is the best policy.

Asking a question on AIBU comes with the risk you may not like the responses you get.

Nebulous

*It's just occurred to me that this is a MN thread mostly supporting a DH AND A MIL!
shock shock shock shock shock shock

It should be in classics as a rare and exotic example*

Just goes to show credit where credit is due...not a bunch of MIL bashers at all.

unfortunalty op - and it grieves me to say this but YABU, purely because with the elderly you just dont know which way it will go, I do know of people taken in with something and not serious but never made it out.

However - what I dont like is the sentance " i have to divide my time equally between you"!!!!

THAT would definalty get my heckles up as this is exceptional circumstances so he has to be there to support his family; not in general.

Yabu.

If a bloke posted this about his wife I would think he was being a drama larma man child.

And its the exact opersit of supportive to pander to someone when they are being outrageously unreasonable.

But your dh really does need to consider the possibility of giving his mum the virus your dd has.

If you're prone to crying in the corner, don't post on AIBU!!

crashdoll

I don't really agree with you last post. We have no idea of the mental state of posters on here. What you call "crying in the corner" could be someone at the end of their tether, or depressed. I think a bit of sensitivity is needed, AIBU or not.

That's a more general statement about AIBU.

I think the OP probably is being unreasonable, but emotions sometimes aren't. Being able to rant, get them out (emotions) and get objective points of view can be really useful, but it can be damaging to be called names.

Again, general opinion about AIBU

Your DH's mother is in hospital, you and your DH are supposed to be a team, he is probably stressed and upset to see his mum ill in hospital, his father and sister probably feel the same way. I would give him a by-ball for any tone he used on the phone.
Yes it must be hard for you this week but objectively I think it is harder for him, don't make it any worse.
You say his mum is hardly life or death yet then mention DD" being dragged out in the rain...you are trying to brush off the seriousness of her condition and exaggerate that of DD2.

The fact is he can prioritise his mum this week as he's got you, I think that's what the 'for better for worse' is about. Go easy on him, like someone else said he can't win. Could he skype you and the children?

YABU - My brother has been seriously ill and I am running round after him at the moment helping him and his girlfriend. My DH has been really understanding and if he has responded as you had I would have been so disappointed in him and that is 'just' my brother never mind my Mum.