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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why some people don't RSVP to DC parties?

310 replies

MrsMushroom · 04/03/2013 14:11

Confused I can't fathom it really. Out of 28 DC in DDs class, 22 have responded with thank you we'd love to come...one has let me know they will be away that weekend and 5 have not responded at all!

I see one of the Mothers sometimes....what's the deal?? Obviously we can't go to ALL the parties ALL the time and I'm happy with 22 that are attending...but I don't know how many bleddy party bags to make now! I'll have to make the extra 5 incase these children turn up won't I?

I could assume 2 for example lost invitations....but surely no more than that? It's such bad form!

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 04/03/2013 14:13

23 out of 28??? You're doing well! Seriously.

Original poster
MrsMushroom · 04/03/2013 14:16

But WHY? Molly? Why don't people respond? Everyone has a phone these days...I added my number...text me fgs!

I just can't get into their heads..."Oh here's an invitation to MissMushroom's party...feck that...I'll just ignore it!" Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsMushroom · 04/03/2013 14:17

None of the offenders will come on a thread like this will they? All the Mnrs who are like this will think "Uh oh..that's me!"

OP posts:
Flyonthewindscreen · 04/03/2013 14:17

I think some people like to leave their options open until the last minute, v rude IMO.

claraschu · 04/03/2013 14:18

If you see one of the mothers, why on earth don't you ask her if her child can come?

Invitations get lost in school or in school bags, and some people are disorganised or forgetful, which can be rude or annoying, (but those flakey people may have good hearts in spite of their flakeyness).

HorryIsUpduffed · 04/03/2013 14:21

If I don't reply, it means either

(1) I didn't get the invitation, so for example DS1 didn't put it in his bookbag.

(2) we lost it between school and home and I forgot.

(3) I genuinely don't know whether or not he can / would like to come.

If (3) I would usually contact you to ask when you need to know by.

I don't think it's unfair to chivvy them. Say you need to know final numbers for catering/venue/party bags etc preferably by tomorrow, so after that you will have to assume it's a no.

happyhorse · 04/03/2013 14:23

I'd love to know why this is too. I had 10 who didn't reply for DS's party, some of whom then turned up. It's a massive pain in the arse having to cater for guests who may or may not be there.

GreenShadow · 04/03/2013 14:23

Agree that invites get lost.

We once believed that DS1 was the only child not invited to a class members party. Thought he must have some how unwittingly upset the child.

Then a couple of days before, the mother asked, via the teacher, if DS was coming as we hadn't replied. As far as we could make out, someone else had probably ended up with 2 invites and it hadn't got to DS.

Please do ask the parents, either directly or via the school if possible. They might be feeling left like us!

Moominsarehippos · 04/03/2013 14:26

I have sent out 'save that date' invitations and then RSVP slips (you just have to tick the sodding box!) and still been wondering on the day! This was in a place where the cost was per head and bloody expensive too. I was so pissed off. Next year its going to be different I hope

22 out of 38 is really good!

MrsCR · 04/03/2013 14:26

am in the sane situation, party planned for a weeks time, asked for replies by last Friday, still 5 people not responded.
have chased them all and still not heard back from 2 so they are off the list.
It is rude, but it could be a simple case of forgetfulness.
a gentle nudge is required!

Floggingmolly · 04/03/2013 14:28

It is a keeping options open thing, sadly. It's extremely rude, but usually you have to chase the non responders in person, who will look startled at having to actually commit before the morning of the party, and then agree to come whether they intend to or not.
I won't even venture into the turning up with three siblings scenario...
Total minefield!

PoppadomPreach · 04/03/2013 14:30

I had only one non responder out of 28 - when I saw the mum I just politely asked her if she had received the invitation - and she was completely unaware - her son had left invite in drawer at school.

I'm sure there are some rude people out there (last year two kids who said they were coming, didnt turn up - there parents didn't even apologise when I next saw them) - but I think you have to assume non responders are just blissfully unaware of the party due to child losing/forgetting invitation.

DeWe · 04/03/2013 14:38

I've had that child who comes home on Friday waving an invite saying "can I go... it's tonight" having left it in the tray for 3 weeks.

I usually try and reply straight away otherwise I forget. So people usually say how organised I am. But I know I'm not which is why I have to do it straight away.

Timetoask · 04/03/2013 14:41

It is very annoying. I had tow mums texting me on the MORNING of the party to say "sorry can't make it" (well yes, I didn't have them on the list by that stage), and also one child who hadn't replied, turn up. I kindly told the mum "I am so pleased xxx came, I hadnt heard back from you so wasn't expecting him", she was very apologetic and seemd to have genuinely thought she had replied (working full time mu with three children, very busy).

Ilovexmastime · 04/03/2013 14:57

I assume that they haven't seen the invite and ask them when I see them in the playground. I've had people mess me about even then though, by telling me that they're not sure and will let me know later, and then not letting me know even though they see me every day. Then I scream WHY? at the heavens.

Original poster
MrsMushroom · 04/03/2013 15:03

Horry...how can you not know what your child is doing? That smacks of keeping your options open...genuinely not knowing if a child of 4 is free is rubbish. One mum was polite enough to tell me her DD might be 10 minutes late as she has a class to attend...I thought that was very nice.

most would not bother to mention it.

These are reception children and they all came out on the day I brought them in...with invitations in hand as the teacher handed them out as they left.

One child standing near me opened her bag and showed me hers only to reveal that she also had a little boy's in there...I took it and gave it to the teacher.

I suppose that could have happened.

I haven't asked the Mum that I see because she's a bit snooty...a Queen Bee type.

I will ask the teacher if they all got out ok. Don't people stick them on the fridge to jog their memory? that's what I do.

OP posts:
Strikeuptheband · 04/03/2013 15:15

DS had a party last week. 22 invites given out by half term...13 replied yes during half term. 2 more replied on the Monday. I then sent out a further 10 invites and got 4 yes replies, then two more within 24h of the party. Then 2 more turned up completely unannounced...one of them halfway through said party ... stressful much?!

gimmeanaxe · 04/03/2013 15:23

sounds right. We invited 9. Have 3 replies. Poor dd. It will be a very small party. She doesnt know yet Sad

TheWildOnes · 04/03/2013 15:25

DS cleared his drawer at school out last week, he brought home about 20 unopened Christmas cards and a couple of party invitations (one from last October)!
Ask the parents, they may not have received the invite.

lynniep · 04/03/2013 15:27

I think thats doing well too!
I just had DS1's party yesterday.
I had 3 no responders out of 30 so 10% not too bad. Of those 3 no responders, one of them turned up. Its no biggy although it is annoying. I made enough party bags for all. You just have to assume that parents forget about it/lost or didnt get the invite/or simply can't be ar*ed.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 04/03/2013 15:31

Or you chase them, they say yes please and then the fuckers don't turn up. We paid a fortune for dd's party last week and because it was expensive we had to limit the guest list. We could have invited someone who absolutely would have turned up if she'd just said bloody no when I asked.

ImAlpharius · 04/03/2013 15:40

I didn't RSVP to one recently as it said 'RSVP to x's parents in the playground' I have no idea who x or their parents are.

Kaekae · 04/03/2013 15:55

For my sons first party I found it all very stressful, I think I expected everyone to respond straight away but I quickly found out people leave it right until the last minute and then some just forget or some parents had never seen the invite because it got lost etc. So I had a lot of chasing up to do via text or face to face. Now I put a RSVP deadline on the invitation and that seems to help a bit. My son is nearly six so think goodness the parties are starting to phase out a bit now, they used to take up nearly every weekend!

acceptableinthe80s · 04/03/2013 15:56

All sorts of reasons i suppose. Personally i hate planning anything too far in advance.
I recently had to tell a parent that i wasn't sure if ds would make it for 3 reasons.
Firstly the car was in the garage and the party was out of town and i wasn't sure if i'd have it back in time, secondly ds had a bad cough and i didn't know if he'd be well enough to go and thirdly i don't know what days i'm working till the week before. I wasn't being selfish or 'keeping my options open', i just didn't know whether or not we'd make it.
I do get that it's a pain though when you're organizing a party, i had several non replies last year. I just make up the party bags anyway and if they don't turn up just keep them for the following year or put in with birthday presents etc. throughout the year.

slalomsuki · 04/03/2013 15:59

Drives me up the wall too with the lack of responses.

I sent ds in with a list of names and a second "you have not responded" note which increased the responses to his party. They all turned up.

Best bit is when there are no responses and then they turn up. How rude.

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