To wonder why some people don't RSVP to DC parties?

[MrsMushroom]

I can't fathom it really. Out of 28 DC in DDs class, 22 have responded with thank you we'd love to come...one has let me know they will be away that weekend and 5 have not responded at all!

I see one of the Mothers sometimes....what's the deal?? Obviously we can't go to ALL the parties ALL the time and I'm happy with 22 that are attending...but I don't know how many bleddy party bags to make now! I'll have to make the extra 5 incase these children turn up won't I?

I could assume 2 for example lost invitations....but surely no more than that? It's such bad form!

Usually I reply to invites but sometimes I forget. Usually people reply to my children's invites but sometimes they forget. It's life!

I do tend to assume that the sort of people who get so het up over non-replies that they feel the need to moan on an internet forum are probably fortunate enough not to have a clue how difficult other people's lives can be.

Mwhahahahaha I am a death eater and Lord Voldemort is my master. I shall suck the life out of everything Mwhahahahha.......

On the up side, I have a sense of humour and don't feel the need to bitch talk about other mothers behind their backs in the playground and obsess about a silly little birthday party whilst belittling anyone who dares suggest they have real problems.

Oh and empty days yes bloody please, but with an MA to finish studying, 3 dcs (4th due in 6 weeks) to organise and full time work (although I'm on maternity leave now) empty days are just a distant dream.

Now back to my joy sucking duties, misery, misery, misery, dull, empty dayed misery...woe is me ....Actually I forgot ...I don't give a fuck and I'm perfectly happy

Jacqueline - you sound like you have a huge chip on your shoulder! Did you not get invited to parties when you were young and now taking it out on your children? It's nothing to do with PFB or one upmanship, it's about children being excited about having their friends to a party where they can be centre of attention for once, where memories are made and you get to enjoy watching your child having fun with their friends.

OP - I would echo what others have said here, we have a party on Monday, 2 non replies so I texted both. One had not got invitation, still in tray at school from before half term and the other (a renowned turn up on the day parent) responded straight away with "she'd love to!" so don't be afraid to chase people.

Well said permanently and far more elequently put than anything I have written so far, but I am a mere death eater so not much more could be expected of me.

Does it depend on where you live maybe? No one ever replies where I live (I do!) but people do turn up. It's a bit random though - sometimes you have 30 children, sometimes 2. No idea why.

yum as one of 7 children birthday parties and friends coming round were a constant part of my childhood, mayhem sometimes but I loved it.

My dcs are part of a group of 13 cousins (so far) all under 11 years old and so they too are lucky ebough to be surrounded by friends and parties.

Thanks for asking you just made me really happy realising how bloody lucky I was and my children are to have this kind of childhood. Family and real friends...nothing better. Thanks again

My child is 4....she's got lots of friends but at this age, it's kind to ask all the children as their friendships are fluid and some of them don't get asked to any of the smaller more exclusive parties.

I'm glad your DC have happy childhoods Jaqueline....mine do too but lots don't make friends easily so rather than indulging in "oneupmanship" I am simply sharing the love.

Something you'd do well to consider.

I have never posted on here in any detail about my family situation and my life. I am so glad I had name changed as I'll change back to my usual name right as soon as I post this and I won't post on this thread again.

MrsMushroom, firstly, my child might leave an invite in her tray. Sorry about that. If I don't know about the party I can't respond. Secondly, the invite might fall on a time that she is at her dad's. I will always pass the invite to him and text him the details. If he doesn't reply, that's not my problem.

Now, my life. I have a lot of things going on and with all of these things going on sometimes party invitations aren't really at the top of my list in my head. I'm going to set them out here and you can decide if they meet some sort of standard where I might be allowed to have things slip my mind.

I have five children ranging in age from 23 to 11. I work for myself and I am a single parent. It's a very busy house with after school activities, music practice and the like. Probably doesn't meet your standard of being allowed to forget.

My eldest child has a benign tumour in his brain which won't just fuck off. He lives away from home in the city where he went to university and I worry that he's not attending to his care and medications properly. Does that meet the standard of being allowed to forget? Probably not.

My parents are very elderly. My father has bladder cancer and my mother has skin cancer and early stages of dementia, as well as other physical issues. I am their sole carer. Does that meet the standard of being allowed to forget? Probably not.

One of my middle children has a problem with her joints and attends the children's hospital. She is due to have yet another operation in a few weeks. Does that meet the standard of being allowed to forget? Probably not.

My brother is an alcoholic and regularly turns up at my door looking for money or shouting and swearing. Does that meet the standard of being allowed to forget? Probably not.

I have a degenerative condition which most likely will leave me in a wheelchair in a few years. As things stand, I need a knee replacement. I am in significant pain every day and have to take a cocktail of painkillers just to function. Does that meet the standard of being allowed to forget? Probably not.

I work for myself. I have (luckily) just won a big piece of business which has a tight deadline and I am struggling to keep my head above water with it. Does that meet the standard of being allowed to forget? Probably not.

Seeing as I'm such a shitty person not responding to your invite, I'll just slink off into my hole now.

I'm guilty of this this week, but WWYD if you were me?

I know DD has 3 parties to attend next weekend. It's a busy weekend for me for other reasons but she's too small yet to drop and run and I think parties are important for children so will greatly inconvenience myself in order that she attends all three.

I actually physically hold one invite. This is for a child in another class who DD doesn't see too often, but goes to another activity with.

Another is on the same day. A good friend of DD, her mum has said there is an invite coming but is obviously somehow not got to me via school so as yet I don't know the time.

The third is for a very good family friend who is still organising the party because she had been too busy on something else very important for the last couple of weeks, so will let me know as soon as she can. She lives an hour away. Her DD has missed a Rainbows day out to attend DDs party before.

Do I keep my options open? Not selfishly, but to try to keep everyone happy? WWYD?

Jacqueline. The ability (and inclination) to laugh at people does not a sense of humour make...
Just so you know.

grow Are all the parties the same day ? Your going to have to chase up the mothers and ask. Probably possible to manage two parties on the same day, if there at different times and not to far apart. But three would be a bit much. Sounds an exhausting weekend for both of you !

Flower the family friend has now arranged her DDs party on the other day to accommodate my DD which is so kind. This is the one we had to attend and is the one a distance away so is a relief.

The other two parties are on the same day. Hopefully I'll get the missing invite tonight and be able to reply. I feel embarrassed actually chasing an invite, but the mum did mention the party to me so I may have to.

Yes that will be a busy weekend I could do without as I've got loads to do that week, but I don't like to knock back invites unless its impossible to attend.

I made the mistake of not chasing up people that hadn't replied to ds1's party invite when he was in reception, so few replied that I invited some siblings to make up numbers.
3 of the children whose parents didn't reply then turned up, the venue had a maximum number and I had to turn them away. The following year one of the same children turned up again without replying.....hmmmm

My daughter has only bought one invite home in 2 years of school. Often she will mention she had an invite, but lost it. I often go to great lengths to find out who's party it is/was to apologise. She just loses them every time and its such a shame.

Also, I suspect a lot of invites are given out in Fridays. I never receive letters or anything from a Friday as her father picks her up and has her for the weekend, and when confronted about missing letters he point blank denies any knowledge. Which is v strange. The parents may well not have seen the invites. Ask them.

Well I will admit I have been guilty of not replying on occasions.

Yes, it is not a good thing. But I have 3 children who each play a different sport, and other out of school stuff.

When I had dd and DS1 at primary, I did respond, even if it was a not sure, can I tell you next week.

Now, when ds2 gets a party invitation and an RSVP 2 weeks before the date, I could not tell you who will be at what match/production/training etc.

I honestly don't know until the fixture list is emailed to me. So I cannot say yes or no as I haven't worked out the logistics of where everyone will be.

your party may be the most important thing ever. to you
But to me, it's another thing to fit into the schedule, and that's it.

It's very nice to be invited. It's also quite likely he will not be able to go if its a weekend and I say that straight away.

But it's an RSVP. People have other stuff going on. Is it worth all the angst?

flogging just so you know...I haven't laughed at anyone on this thread. I have however, poked a little bit of fun at the entire situation and have been quite self deprecating in some instances. I have in return been told I am an awful person with and empty life and that people feel sorry for my children

All over a 4yr olds party invite. It really is quite pathetic...just so you know.

coffee thank you so much for posting and sharing that with us. I think you are doing pretty damn well just to keep functioning, so, as far as a few invites are concerned I say fuck 'em Sadly you are right though this will still not be good enough for some people who seem to feel that their child's party should be top of your priorities and anything you say is just a poor excuse.

Jaqueline talks sense

The easiest way to get around being in this situation is to either:

1. have the party in a play centre, where you just give them rough numbers and pay on the day for how many turn up.

2. have the party in a venue where there are enough chairs to add a couple if need be, and cater on big trays letting the guests help themselves. Choose entertainment which works for any number of guests.

In either case, a have few extra party bags to hand. If you have any over give them to siblings.

It is only ever two or three who don't let you know. An entertainer we booked once needed very specific numbers. This was a nightmare because you do feel a bit silly chasing people. It's not a situation I'd get myself into again.

My DD had her 5th birthday party recently. We sent out 19 invites to her whole class and only 6 replied and 5 came! (From her class only, there were more kids turned up from other friends and family and it was a great party!) No excuse for that rudeness I think.

Well said coffee. I sent out 7 invites two weeks ago for dds party at home this weekend I have had 2 replies, I have told dd that the others may come, they may not, but if only 2 come its no reflection on her popularity it is that people have busy lives sometimes and some parents find it difficult to prioritise parties for lots of reasons. If on,y 2 turn up we will still have fun, if more turn up then that's a bonus.

One parent I know is undergoing health investigations so I wouldn't dream of pressing her on this and the others, who knows what is going on their lives. I would rather teach my dd that sometimes we get let down, its how we deal with this that's important and the bigger picture we should consider.

That's what I'm doing on Saturday maryz. Even if its only with three of them

Jacqueline Hyde - can you explain how the fact that you value true friendships means that you feel it's unnecessary to politely decline invitations from people who aren't your true friends? Perhaps they should get a sense of humour.

Hear hear coffee. Sometimes I just have a million other things to remember which are more important (sorry!) than a party invitation. I do try to reply.

Another solution would be to only invite children whose parents you know (enough to have contact details for) so that you can ask/remind them directly, via facebook/text/email/whatever.