To wonder why some people don't RSVP to DC parties?

[MrsMushroom]

I can't fathom it really. Out of 28 DC in DDs class, 22 have responded with thank you we'd love to come...one has let me know they will be away that weekend and 5 have not responded at all!

I see one of the Mothers sometimes....what's the deal?? Obviously we can't go to ALL the parties ALL the time and I'm happy with 22 that are attending...but I don't know how many bleddy party bags to make now! I'll have to make the extra 5 incase these children turn up won't I?

I could assume 2 for example lost invitations....but surely no more than that? It's such bad form!

[TolliverGroat]

I was quite late responding to one recently, because I looked at the date and time and thought "Ah, DH needs to be in X place and I need to be in Y place at that time... but I know DD would like to go... hmm, I wonder if there's any way I can make it work..." and continued to vaguely mull over possibilities until a week before the party when I concluded that it just wasn't going to work and sent our regrets.

When DS was little I found that the numbers of "said yes but didn't turn up" more-or-less equalled the numbers of "didn't respond but turned up anyway", which was helpful.

These days I invite by email (I have emails for parents or nannies of everyone in the DCs' classes) and that has increased response rate significantly.

[Creamtea1]

I agree with people who have said you should follow up with the parent. My ds aged 5 is prime offender (and therefore I am one of those parents!) - example just a couple of weeks ago. Ds - 'when are we going to X's party?' me - 'what do you mean, I don't know about X's party?'
Ds - I got an invitation from him though
Me - ds, where did you put the invitation then?
Ds - in my drawer at school
Cue getting the invite out his drawer on the Monday, to find the party had taken place on the Saturday...
Of course I spoke to the mum on the tues and apologised profusely. Have also had other incident where parent text 'is ds coming to party?' and I hasn't found an invite, turns out had gone into someone else's bag.

[TolliverGroat]

Yes, most of the time when I get chased it's about an invitation that I've never actually seen.

[MakingAnotherList]

My daughter suffers with an anxiety. She is fine with her friends at parties now but when she was in nursery and reception she wanted to go but would back out. I'm afraid I'm guilty of keeping her options open a few times. I only did that for the parties in a community hall where they were not charged per child.
Had I known the parents I would have spoken to them, but as I rarely collected my DD due to work, I couldn't.
Now that DD is much more confident at school we reply to invitations and she does attend.
I did feel bad during her time at nursery and reception. I'm sure most parents just thought we were rude.

[pineapplecrush]

It's really annoying when you have to let the venue (playgym) etc a few days before the party and pay per head and have no idea of numbers even if you put a RSVP date on the invite. I've also paid in advance for a child to come and then they don't show up. I know this can't always be avoided but a text/phone call wouldn't go amiss! Grrrr. One of the bonuses of your child getting a bit older is not having the dratted party invites to contend with. I did love doing party bags though.

[HorryIsUpduffed]

I said sometimes (and it is rare) we aren't sure if he can go.

Examples would include when DH was working overseas a lot at short notice, and we didn't know if he would be back. Or if it's a child I've never heard of, and I'm trying to gauge if it's a duty invite or if they are genuinely friends.

Or, bluntly, at the wrong end of the month when I don't know if the budget will stretch far enough (like the month the car cost over £1000 in repairs).

But I do say "I can't let you know now; do you want to consider us a no or can I get back to you next week?"

[neepsandtatties]

Wish I'd seen this thread a few weeks ago as I thought the poor response was due to no-one liking me/DC! Reception party, 24 invites (whole class - teacher handed the invites out at end of school day). 17 reponses that they would come (but many of the responses in the few days before the party). Two declines and 5 people never responded at all. One child who I hadn't heard from turned up. Fortunately I had enough party bags so didn't say anything.

I can not imagine not replying promptly to an invitation - it's so rude!

[lljkk]

I think this is one of those issues that hi-lights how different MN is from rest of RL.

It's pretty obvious that most people think they only need to RSVP if answer is yes. They can sound almost confused if you RSVP "No", as if they are thinking "Why did you bother to tell met that?!"

Strange but true.

[peppersaunt]

Planning DDs party now and can pretty much guess who I'll be chasing (serial non-responders). Aargh!

[lljkk]

*me not met

[MrsMushroom]

lljkk I never thought of that. It's true that some people ignoramuses might think they only need to RSVP if they are attending.

Also...when people texted to accept, I texted back to say thank you for letting me know. Whereas when I text people to accept, I've never had a response and often wondered if they got my message!

[CointreauVersial]

Always check, because invitations DO go astray a lot.

I remember when DS was in Y2, one of his friends had a party.

I thought DS hadn't been invited, and was mildly offended on his behalf, but didn't say anything (obviously).

The party child's mum thought I was being rude in not replying, but she didn't say anything; she then thought I was doubly rude by just not showing up.

Then the birthday child was all upset because DS wasn't at the party.

The invitation showed up two weeks later, screwed up in DS's tray.....

If the mum had spoken to me, the whole thing would have been avoided.

[Creamtea1]

What cointreau said, which is also what I and others said earlier. Please don't just assume no responses are just so rude unless you have followed up - with young age kids the above happens all the time!

[Tailtwister]

Follow them up. I sent out a reminder to those we hadn't heard from (5 out of 32) and 3 had genuinely forgotten, 1 had thought she had declined and the remaining one had sent a reply in good time, but to the wrong number.

[TheDoctrineOfSnatch]

Second the wrong number thing - I've done that - if it's a text to a new number I might not notice:

[Schooldidi]

Dd2 is having a party on Saturday. She's only 3, so we've not invited that many, we're trying to only pay for the minimum of 10dc. We've invited 10, so I need one of them to not come so dd2 is included in the 10 we pay for. So far we've had 3 replies. I don't want to be paying for 10 if there are only 3 kids coming!! That would be very sad for dd, as well as an incredibly expensive party per head.

[chandellina]

I am an offender, though I always do reply, just late. It's either because I'm not sure or else just disorganised.

[MrsMushroom]

Cream but as I said, the invitations were given out as DC left the building and went to parent's and caregivers...so. The responsibility lies with them..not the dc.

[TolliverGroat]

Except that at least one that you know of had made it into another child's bag, from what you said before.

[Whathaveiforgottentoday]

24 out of 25 replied to DD's recent party which I thought was excellent. However I did get DD to badger the last few to remind their parents!

However, my mum picks up DD one day a week from school and I found an invitation in the back of her car for a party on the next day. DD reckons they were given out a few weeks before. I rang to say sorry but just wanted to say that not all invitations make it home so its not always that people are being rude. Sadly she coudn't go as we thought we were free so had planned to visit friends, so she learnt her lesson about leaving things in grannies car!

[steben]

Am marking place here as in this situation at minute and don't know how to handle it! First party for us so this is a whole new world to me!!!!

[MrsMushroom]

Steben how many did you ask? And when did you send them?

[foreverondiet]

Text them asking them to reply. Some people's lifes are too hectic to know whether they coming...

[greeneyed]

I am an offender, too busy, disorganised etc etc i usually reply but late, it's not personal I do everything last minute!

[Misfit13]

DS1 is 19 now, so it's been a while and I have it all to look forward to with DS3. Anyway, I used to invite the whole class, make up a party bag for everyone, then take the uncollected ones in to school to be given to those who didn't/couldn't make it on the Monday so that a) that no child felt left out and b) those parents who just couldn't be bothered were shamed, by my kindly thoughtfulness, in to being less tardy in future!