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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think having a photo of your child as your Facebook profile photo is sad?

154 replies

TateForViolet · 02/03/2013 19:57

I mean a photo of just your child/children without you in it too.

I absolutely love being a mum, and I love my children more than I could ever say but I still have an identity - I'm not just a mother.

OP posts:
MrsDeVere · 03/03/2013 00:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nodecentnickname · 03/03/2013 00:35

What MrsDeVere said above.

CatchTheFox · 03/03/2013 00:51

well, i'm going to stick my neck out and say YANBU. the point is not whether or not your kids are better looking than you. the point is that your kids are NOT you.

i'm not on facebook, but when i found out my mum had a picture of my son as her avatar, i thought it was weird. hey ho.

ThreeBeeOneGee · 03/03/2013 08:17

Grin at MrsDeVere's insight

twitchycurtains · 03/03/2013 08:31

What MrsDeVere said with bells and whistles on. Also Rebecca2 my children are my life alog th DH .

Why does it mark you out as a saddo for thinking that, having them changed my life and my thinking and as they are still v young they make up a lot of my life, it doesn't mean I don't have an identity outside of them, I don't just switch myself off when they go to bed and then wait patiently until they wake up so I have reason to function again. L

WestieMamma · 03/03/2013 08:45

Your profile pic on Facebook defines you Shock

Why did nobody tell me this before?

RagamuffinAndFidget · 03/03/2013 08:49

My Facebook profile picture is of both of my DSes. We went out for a walk and they were strolling along, holding hands, looking at leaves and mud and stuff.. I took a picture because I thought it was cute, and it's my profile picture because I am most decidedly NOT cute Wink

It's just a picture OP, calm down, etc.

FantasticMax · 03/03/2013 09:40

It's not something I would do, actually since having DD over a year ago I've only ever posted a handful of photos of her to a private album that only very close family and friends can see, and I rarely post status updates that mention her or my life as a mother. It's just not something I want to share online. I love her to bits, I just don't feel the need to put it all out there.

I also want to respect my DD's privacy and wouldn't want to post something that years down the line she might not want others to see. I don't know how long Facebook will be around but once you put something online, it's there forever.

ScentedNappyHag · 03/03/2013 09:56

To be honest, I don't really care what anyone has as their profile picture.
The only time it's a problem is when people have recently got married/changed their name and have a random display picture- I have a few moments of 'who the bloody hell is that on my newsfeed?!' before I twig Grin

AnnoyingOrange · 03/03/2013 09:59

I change my picture quite often. As do a lot of my friends.

Sometimes it's kids, sometimes it's me, sometimes it's pets, sometimes it's scenery...Does this mean I have a multiple personality? Hmm

BabyRoger · 03/03/2013 10:05

I just did my first ever out loud 'tut' at a thread title!

Sad? Right, ok.

My kids are the background pic. My other pic is me and Dh on our wedding day. Neither pic particulaly 'defines' me. I just like those pictures and I change them quite often.

Dh's profile pic is of an old forest emblem and the other is some random Google pic of a rotund man with speedos on and a medallion. that probably is sad

Hulababy · 03/03/2013 10:06

Tbh it really wouldn't boher me if people voided me because if the photo I use on FB. It says way more about them as a person and if they are so narrow sighted and judgmental to not see a photo for hat it s (ie a photo!) and think it and FB for that matter means do much more - well, tbh, not sure I'd want that kind of person as a friend anyway. My friends tend to be a bit more laid back and less intense than that tbh, nd definitely more insightful!

2rebecca · 03/03/2013 10:10

Why put a photo of other people as YOUR profile picture though? Wouls you put a photo of your husband, brother or sister as your profile photo? Probably not because they aren't you. Your kids aren't you either.
I suspect alot of the women who put cute ickle kid photos up would object if their MIL used their kids as their profile photo "because they are cute".
It does seem rather proprietorial and to be trying to gain proxy cuteness via your kids.
When your kids are in their 30s and adults would you still put them as your profile photo?
I find it strange and a bit sad.

MrsDeVere · 03/03/2013 10:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Offcolour · 03/03/2013 10:37

A childless friend of mine had a big rant about this, basically implying that parents who do this need therapy because they have list their identity. His profile pic was of his mountain bike, that's ok though apparently. To be honest, when I was on mat leave with dc1, I DID temporarily lose my identity, I suspect I had undiagnosed pnd, and I only had pics of dc1 because I thought I looked so hideous. But I don't think it's really necessary to sneer at first time mums using their babies as profile pics for that reason.

babiesinslingsgetcoveredinfood · 03/03/2013 10:42

mrsD quite. If I see one more 'coquettish head tilt to good side, cheeks. Sucked in, taken from above, in candlelight, at army's length & clearly the best of 298' profile pics, I will scream.

I love seeing people's squishy babies.

My new current one is me with dd. I already had a comment this morning from a friend questioning if my omission of ds was fair? He's 11 mo, I don't think he'll notice!!!

Ilovexmastime · 03/03/2013 10:57

I'm not sure whether to laugh at this thread, and the idea that your FB profile pic represents your identity, or feel a bit depressed that someone might actually believe that.

Just out of interest, does having a photo of my DH with one of our DC as my profile pic mean anything deep too?

TapirBackRider · 03/03/2013 10:57

2Rebecca

As I stated in my post ^^ much earlier on, I've currently got a pic of a man (who is totally unrelated to me) as my profile pic.

I don't use pics of myself, nor am I publicly searchable; I don't feel the need to sell myself via my fb pic, nor am I vain enough to want to do so.

I don't knowingly have any fb friends who would 'unfriend' me because I have used pics of my dcs as avatars - and tbh I wouldn't want to know/friend such people anyway. Life is too damn short for such judgemental nonsense.

MrsDeVere · 03/03/2013 10:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fluckered · 03/03/2013 11:01

"gain proxy by cuteness". that made me laugh out loud. talk about over thinking and grasping at straws.

lockets · 03/03/2013 11:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrsjay · 03/03/2013 11:13

OMG our profile pics are meant to define us? I'd better take Cpt Picard off in case people think I'm a space captain.

I sometimes have Stevie Griffin what does that say about me Grin

thebody · 03/03/2013 11:19

What Mrsd said.

And I am defined by my kids. If god forbid I lost all 4 tomorrow then I would have nothing to really live for, so yes I do define myself as a mum first and a person second.

But that's fuck all to do with face book.

Trills · 03/03/2013 11:23

If a friend from the past wanted to reconnect with you they would have no idea if you were the correct Tate Violet or some other person called Tate Violet if the "face" was not your face.

I think it's very sad if the reason that someone has a picture other than their face is because they don't like having their photograph taken or don't think that their face is nice to look at.

I like the introduction of the cover photo, so you can have your face as the "face" picture but also have a big picture of something that is important to you (a family picture if you are so inclined) at the top of your feed.

The not-your-face "face" picture freaks me out a bit if comments and chat appear to be coming from a dog or a baby or a cartoon character or a motorbike.

Nodecentnickname · 03/03/2013 11:46

This is so idiotic. Who cares if your kids are your profile pic? Why do you care? Seriously?

Stop being so mean.