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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not see the need to text/talk to DP during the day?

94 replies

alisunshine29 · 27/02/2013 12:22

DP likes us to text all day when he's at work - usually at least ten texts. Recently I've had problems sending texts so he's been calling 2/3 times a day instead. He isn't checking up on me or anything, I just feel it's unnecessary to text all day and that we can just talk about our day after work. AIBU?

OP posts:

Seeline · 27/02/2013 12:26

God I would go mad if my DH did that (mind you he has yet to use a mobile let alone text )
Obviously sometimes the need arises to check/query travel arrangements, trains etc but otherwise no.
He occasionally rings midday if I have been particularly stressed when he's left for work to check I am OK but that is it.
YANBU

MisselthwaiteManor · 27/02/2013 12:27

YANBU. I like a text for no reason (rarely though) just to say hello or I love you but I would find it annoying if DH was phoning me all day or expecting a full conversation. What does he say his reason is?

MillieTom · 27/02/2013 12:28

He sounds a bit controlling!

aldiwhore · 27/02/2013 12:30

YANBU.

If you like it that way then that's fine, but YANBU to just want to get on with your work.

I speak to DH at lunchtime, because I'm bored and he's nice. I don't send or reply to texts at work as my phone is supposed to be off (I keep it on in case the boys' school gets in touch) and loathe texting anyway. I don't like speaking to DH on the phone at work really because there's no way to have a private conversation in an office of 8 people. Fortunately DH feels the same, and is usually too busy to become a pest.

Just ignore him

Andcake · 27/02/2013 12:31

Totally agree with you that would drive me nuts. What on earth does he have to say what a waste of time and energy. Has he always been like that or is it a recent thing. Did you find it endearing before you were married? Does he hate his job or have few friends there.
In the past I dumped people for being so needy but then I'm probably just cold. He probably just think its eye way your relationship is and doesn't realise your view has changed if you have always done it.

countrykitten · 27/02/2013 12:34

We text each other a lot during the day and I really like it.

freddiefrog · 27/02/2013 12:34

YANBU

I don't mind the occasional text during the day (he works in an office in the garden and they're usually of the 'more tea please' variety) but I'd hate him to constantly text me.

HeySoulSister · 27/02/2013 12:35

God, I'd feel smothered!

EuroShaggleton · 27/02/2013 12:36

It would drive me nuts too. We have no contact save for a short email at the end of the day about when we are leaving (neither of us has fixed hours), if either of us is gymming and whether we need anything from the supermarket on the way home.

freddie you fetch him tea?!?

Sugarice · 27/02/2013 12:37

My dh does this, he'll text when he's on his lunch and has no one to talk to.

I don't know why he bothers, my texts are monotonous and one worded when I reply, I would like to tell him not to bother but I think he'd be hurt.

Mrsrobertduvall · 27/02/2013 12:37

I hate texting full stop...intrusive, and in most cases unnecessary.
Why do peoplefeel the need to constantly communicate the minutae of thir day?

lurkedtoolong · 27/02/2013 12:38

Unless he's very busy DH will usually call around lunchtime just to say hi and have a quick chat while he's out of the office for a few minutes. Or if he's particularly stressed he'll call/text and blow off a little bit of steam. But 10 texts a day, every day or 3 calls a day would drive me mad. A two minute hello at lunchtime is quite nice, but more than once an hour is stifling.

chocoholic05 · 27/02/2013 12:40

My dh does that sometimes usually if he's bored if there's not much work on or he's on a long break. If I don't reply straight away or a certain period of time he sends a text you've not replied then if I still don't mainly cos I'm busy and have a life its you've still not replied :( this can go on and on all day! Once he had such a go.at me for.not replying he got himself so worked up.aboutit! It was when he used to work Saturdays and I was visiting my parents with my dc at the time unwilling to spend my day answering texts! I had replied to some but not all!

bedmonster · 27/02/2013 12:41

Oh God, I thought it was just me! One friend and her DH constantly text each other during the day. In half term, we took all the kids out for the day and she spoke to him 3 times. 3. Just while we were out. One of the times, I heard her say "we're just sitting down to have lunch. Yep. Yep. Okay. Call you after we've eaten." and I was just thinking - WHY??? WHAT FOR?!?! But this was alongside texts too. I found it a bit needy. And fucking annoying tbh, we were trying to have a day out and she was constantly either checking her phone, texting or talking.

DBro and his GF is another one, phone each other about 6 times a day. I just don't get it. What could there possibly be to say to each other at the end of the day?

Occasionally if there is a need, I will phone DP, and him me, but we don't feel the need to ask what the other is having for breakfast/lunch, or what he's reading about in the paper during his break, or whether i'm doing a whites or darks load of washing.

Tee2072 · 27/02/2013 12:42

How is it smothering to get a text? My husband and I text all day about whatever. We answer when we can or not at all if we're busy.

It's like having him home, chatting all day.

I obviously love my husband more than you lot do.*

*JOKING

badtasteflump · 27/02/2013 12:42

YANBU - 10 texts a day is nuts - unless you're both 15

ScarletLady02 · 27/02/2013 12:42

YANBU to not see the need for it, or if you don't like it....but me and DH always text and call if we're away from each other.

It's not controlling....not smothering....I just get bored (so does he) and so we text each other little, stupid in-jokes, or "oh my God you're not going to believe what I just saw" or something like that. It's nice. I don't get offended if he's busy and doesn't get straight back to me....and neither does he...it's just something we've always done.

Sorry that sounds really sickening doesn't it?

Original poster

alisunshine29 · 27/02/2013 12:43

I'll get a morning one to say good morning (!) And ask how baby and I slept (he is heavy sleeper and I'm breastfeeding so always on night duty) and to ask what my plans are that day if I'm home as I work part time. Mid morning he'll ask if eldest DD went to school ok and what the baby's up to (!) And if I want to visit him at work for lunch if I'm home. Then various texts like did eldest DD have good day at school, what's for tea, miss you, love you etc. So all very nice - feel a bit mean to say I feel it's unnecessary. We did text during the day before DD2 was born but now she tries to wrestle phone off me and it's a hassle to try and reply to pointless texts. He is good friends with his workmates - just quite needy for home contact it seems.

OP posts:

chocoholic05 · 27/02/2013 12:43

I meant had a go via text!!! It was so upsetting and finished with see you when I see you and me wondering what on earth I had done!!!

freddiefrog · 27/02/2013 12:45

Euro god no, not unless I'm making one for me, and then he has to come and get it.

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 27/02/2013 12:45

The only time I text Dh during the day is to see if he'll be home before DS goes to bed, so that I manage my expectations re having to read "Planes and Trucks and Things that Go' for the 8 trillionth time.

Sometimes I send him a photo of the kids, but that's only if I've been drinking

[joke]

chocoholic05 · 27/02/2013 12:45

They're all the sorts of texts nice and harmless really but I know hoe you feel it still drives me mad!

lottiegarbanzo · 27/02/2013 12:46

Frankly, I think people who have time to do this many times a day (not just at lunch time) are either underemployed or ripping off their employers, or both.

My conclusion would be that he does not take his job or career seriously.

The idea that one can 'multi-task', send many personal messages in work time and still pay adequate attention to the task at hand is rubbish, it eats into time and concentration, as is easily demonstrated when you have a task requiring real concentration, with a deadline.

I imagine he thinks it's cute and soppy, rather than being controlling but I'm afraid that would turn me off too.

BamBam21 · 27/02/2013 12:47

Dp and I text a couple of times in the day, and he calls me a couple of times too. I like it because I miss him and just like to speak to him even for just a couple of minutes. Yes, some people might say we are clearly very needy, but, well, that's just us. I am not insecure, he is not controlling, we just like to talk to each other to see how the day is going.

ceebeegeebies · 27/02/2013 12:50

No, me neither! DH doesn't do texts anyway (other than 'ok' type ones) and we only ever ring each other if we actually need to tell the other one something (or decide who is picking up which child)!

DH stays away occasionally and it is rare that we actually speak to each other those nights either as the only time he can really talk is around the time I am bathing/putting the kids to bed - when that is done, he is generally out getting pissed having a meal at the hotel etc so the timings are just wrong.

It suits us - would annoy the hell out of me if he was constantly bothering me!

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