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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not see the need to text/talk to DP during the day?

94 replies

alisunshine29 · 27/02/2013 12:22

DP likes us to text all day when he's at work - usually at least ten texts. Recently I've had problems sending texts so he's been calling 2/3 times a day instead. He isn't checking up on me or anything, I just feel it's unnecessary to text all day and that we can just talk about our day after work. AIBU?

OP posts:

Schooldidi · 27/02/2013 15:32

Dp and I don't text during the day. When we first got together he tried texting me at work a couple of times. I was quite grumpy with him about it, he'd sent me a nice text giving me a compliment and I replied 'I'm at work, don't text me during the day'. He has never done it again unless there is a good reason like he's forgotten who is collecting the kids.

I do sit on mumsnet occassionally when I'm not busy (now), but that doesn't mean my work doesn't get done, it just means I take more of it home with me.

OkayHazel · 27/02/2013 15:51

My parents do this, it's sweet. They are genuinely each other's best friends.

BambieO · 27/02/2013 16:03

lottie it is possible to send more than one text per hour

Pandemoniaa · 27/02/2013 16:13

YANBU. It'd drive me bonkers. I'm also amazed that people have jobs that leave them with so little to do at work that they sent constant texts.

DP sends me one text per day and that only to confirm what train he's catching. If we lived somewhere more convenient for the station we'd knock that text on the head too. We like to talk about our day when we're back home. Not receive some sort of running commentary throughout it.

starsandunicorns · 27/02/2013 16:28

We talk after we come home. If dp had a shit shift I can tell as the texts are like this

Running late the cab is crap.
Manager made me stay over my time.
Roads crap heavy traffic.

Then we talk in detail about it. Same if I having a crap shift. Though as we know that one of us is having a bad shift we cheer other up in the texts and when we get home we talk about it for a bit then leave and talk about nice things.

My exh never would text when at work so if he had a crap shift. I wouldnt know about it till he step through the door and snap at me or the dds.

It was horrid I hating guessing weather he was in a good or bad mood and if bad mood was done to me or work. It destoryed my self condefince.

But as dp texts I know and can cheer him up run a bath for him so its ready when he gets home( he does this for me too)

lottiegarbanzo · 27/02/2013 18:36

Well, I do understand that there are some jobs with genuine down time between tasks, or standing about being very bored time. In jobs that require continuous thought though, those on-hold, in-between moments are often when the mind turns to planning the next thing, problem-solving about some other part of the job, or grabbing a passing colleague for a quick word about something essential (and if you're busy, needs to). Not if you're taking up that time and mental space conducting a running conversation with your DP throughout the day.

Call me old fashioned (or whatever you like, of course) but I take the view that making personal calls at work is acceptable only when that call cannot be made outside working hours and is for something important. Texting is qualitatively no different from a short phone call.

Losingexcessweight · 27/02/2013 18:47

My dh texts me alot and im fine with that.

We are very close though, i like the fact that he texts when hes thinking about me and rings me to ask when i ll be home as hes missing me.

However in past relationships, i ve hated it when they have done this.

May depend on who your with i suppose, how close you are and how much you like your own space etc.

Yanbu to not like it if thats not how you are.

hugoagogo · 27/02/2013 18:48

Even during breaks and lunch lottie?

Fairylea · 27/02/2013 18:54

We text each other loads.... ! I lose track of how much. All kinds of things, what's been happening, work moans and home moans, I send him photos of funny little things ds 8 months does.. and we flirt a lot too. Sometimes we are quite rude :)

I'd miss dh's texts if we stopped.

lottiegarbanzo · 27/02/2013 18:58

Obviously not hugagogo. It was clear the OP's 10 texts / 3 calls were't all during lunch break.

OverlyYappy · 27/02/2013 19:02

YANBU

My ex liked us to do this every day, I woke to:

Morning babe how are you? What you up to? xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Me: Fine just woke up, opening eyes etc x

Him: What you up to now, love you miss you heaps babe xxxxxx

Me: House-work, yeah me too x

Him : You okay babe only one x to my xxxxxxxx???? xxxxxxx

Me: Yeah I'm ok sorry xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Him: Ha I LOVE you xxxxxx

Me: Yeah me too xx

Him: So what you up to now then? xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Me: Housework xx

Him: Still doing the housework????? xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Me: Yes, still doing the housework xx

Him: Ok babe text soon xxxxxxxxxxx

Me: OK xx

Meh.......... That was only until 11am on a quiet day.

ChipTheFish · 27/02/2013 20:02

Me and my DP are in contact throughout the day too. I'm surprised at the amount of people that say they would find that really overbearing and annoying. I suppose it all depends on who you are with.

My DP is my best friend and I would hate if we couldn't chat until we got home at night. This hasn't been the same in all my relationships though, there were a few that I quite gladly went all day without talking to!

AndWhenYouGetThere · 27/02/2013 20:13

Me and DP very rarely text at work - maximum once a day (probably 2/5 days a week). Something like "Boss was pleased with my report" or "Eurgh, can't wait till Friday's over!" but only if it's a fairly major deal and there's no-one in the office to share it with.
Neither of us get a proper lunchbreak so no time for phonecalls even if we wanted one!

SayCoolNowSayWhip · 27/02/2013 20:24

Don't be silly hugoagogo, lunch breaks decrease productivity! You can't possibly have any sort of break at work in case your brain gets turned off from the mental challenge; God forbid people might actually be able to think about more than one thing at once...

Slippersox · 27/02/2013 20:46

Well when I challenged the woman from DHs work who felt the need to text MY DH 10/15 times a day - and he was stupid and flattered enough to text back even though he'd never been a prolific texter she had the cheek to tell me that she texted her own DH at least as much !
I really don't get it myself.Its not that DH and are aren't close.We always were, and are back on track now despite his text buddy causing a rift between us .We never run out of things to discuss when together but I just find the constant beep of a phone annoying and intrusive.Even with my grown up DCs after 2/3 texts I ring have a chat if I have time ,but then draw a line under communication until my work is done.

Sunnymeg · 04/03/2013 16:29

I would only get a call or a text from DH if there was a problem or a change to the day's plans. I wouldn't bother to text him either unless there was a problem. He has his work and I have mine. Perhaps we are like this because we got together in the 1980's long before the days of texts, and you had to earn a fortune to have a mobile phone.

FryOneFatManic · 04/03/2013 16:39

I rarely call DP at work, unless it's about something I need to discuss, if not urgently then certainly of some importance.

Same with DP, he doesn't call or text me unless urgent, or it's something I need to know eg, late etc.

It may indeed have something to do with us being older. I know I wouldn't have been happy if DP had texted/called me at work 10/15 times a day. It's not necessary and would interfere with work.

FryOneFatManic · 04/03/2013 16:41

And not constantly texting is no indicator that people aren't close. In fact I have often suspected that prolific texters are people in constant need of reassurance.

The fact that DP isn't allowed to have his mobile on the shop floor does not change the fact that he wouldn't text anyway.

LisaMed · 04/03/2013 16:47

Are you the one who's P hid from his kids? Or am I getting confused?

My OH does this when he wants to make sure that I am PAYING ATTENTION TO HIM

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