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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not see the need to text/talk to DP during the day?

94 replies

alisunshine29 · 27/02/2013 12:22

DP likes us to text all day when he's at work - usually at least ten texts. Recently I've had problems sending texts so he's been calling 2/3 times a day instead. He isn't checking up on me or anything, I just feel it's unnecessary to text all day and that we can just talk about our day after work. AIBU?

OP posts:
flossy101 · 27/02/2013 12:50

YANBU

I don't text DH during the day, we have more to talk about in the evening then! I might send the odd picture message of DS tho.

One of my friends constantly phones and texts her DP it's very annoying being with her because she is always on the phone!

Mintberry · 27/02/2013 12:50

I think people are overreacting. So what if he thinks about you a lot during the day? There are far worse problems to have in a relationship.
If he gets arsey with you for not reciprocating when you're busy at work I can see how it would bother you though, so it depends on that really.

MrsMushroom · 27/02/2013 12:50

Millie why is him calling her "controlling".?? Hmm She said he's not checking up...he just likes to chat.

Some people do. I do OP but DH doesn't...so I've stopped. I do send one now and then...literally twice a week....but he also sees that I like it so now and then he just sends a txt to say he loves me.

Compromise is all important.

HavingALittleFaithBaby · 27/02/2013 12:50

Oh no, that's too much! Both of us are pretty busy at work but I work shifts so it depends. I can't have my phone on me on the ward so I just check my phone on my break.

If I'm not working he'll ring me at lunch time most days but if I'm at work it'll be odd texts with practical stuff like asking him to pop into the shops on his way home!

GwendolineMaryLacey · 27/02/2013 12:51

I get a phone call at lunchtime if he's bored or a text if he has something to report but otherwise he doesn't bother. He doesn't especially like his job and doesn't like going off when we're all at home so he says that phoning makes him feel worse (he is incredibly soppy), he'd rather just get on with his day and not think too much about home.

Original poster
alisunshine29 · 27/02/2013 12:52

But for all those people that talk/text during the day - don't you think it'd be nicer to discuss your day at dinner/once kids are in bed rather than the running commentary? If we've been texting all day then he ends up asking 'what else do you know?' About ten times an evening which drives me absolutely bananas!

OP posts:
MrsMushroom · 27/02/2013 12:53

We have dinner with the kids alisunshine...not when they've gone to bed.

After the kids are in bed, we watch a film...we don't go over the day much unless there's something funny to retell.

We're all about the moment...what's going on NOW.

ouryve · 27/02/2013 12:54

I like DH to text me when he gets to work if there's any extreme weather, since I like to know that he's not dead or anything - just a little not entirely unjustified anxiety I have (he drives on the A19 and there's a lot of accidents at rush hour).

Other than that, we may have a slow email conversation during the day if we need to, eg about making arrangements for something. We rarely chat just for the sake of chatting, though, unless he's having an incredibly slow day at work.

CajaDeLaMemoria · 27/02/2013 12:55

No, Ali - I talk to my DP all day. It's always been like this, really. He leaves for work at 8.30 and will usually text to make sure I'm okay at 10am. Then we'll text a bit if neither of us is busy, and he might call at lunch, depending on what he's doing. Then we'll text a bit in the afternoon and he'll come home. And then we talk in the evening. We haven't run out of conversation yet!

It started when I was hospitalised, and has carried on. It's nice knowing that he thinks about me, and if I'm not feeling okay, he can come and look after me.

I like it?

Original poster
alisunshine29 · 27/02/2013 12:56

He doesn't get arsey if I don't reply but he might call after a couple of hours to check I've got his texts.

OP posts:
BamBam21 · 27/02/2013 12:58

TBH ali, with a 9yr old and a 1yr old, by the time they are fed, bathed and in bed, and we are actually having tea (usually about 8.30) we only have about 2 hours to eat, veg with the telly, and have a bit of a chat. We never run out of stuff to talk about, because the calls are only ever 5mins max to ask how we all are, and the texts tend to be along the lines of, "on the train now, bloody cold this morning, love you"!Grin But it's lovely because I know he is thinking about me, and I about him.

Original poster
alisunshine29 · 27/02/2013 12:59

We have tea with kids too and personally feel it's nice to discuss days over the meal.

OP posts:
MrsMushroom · 27/02/2013 13:00

Well you'll have to tell him...the way DH told me. He just explained he didn't like it. I stopped.

Obviously I txt if it's a real reason "Where did you put DDs project?" for instance...but no "Hello...I'm sitting in the dentist's waiting room now. Bored." type texts.

To counter-balance my efforts, he sends me an "I love you" or just a :) now and then....I respond and leave it.

Original poster
alisunshine29 · 27/02/2013 13:03

Hmm I guess I like knowing he's thinking about me too - I guess it's just the predictability of what he's going to say/ask that gets a bit wearing. Plus the constant I love yous mean you can never send a random nice text.

OP posts:
KellyElly · 27/02/2013 13:04

Some people are just like this although usually in the 'honeymoon period' granted Grin. Just tell him it's a bit overbearing and you would rather share your day over dinner in the evening. It's quite sweet really, for about a day, and then would begin to grate :)

starsandunicorns · 27/02/2013 13:05

Dp and I tx each other we both work nights both angeny so work is not regular. For exampke dp was working last night I wasnt. I got a text to say arrived at work.
Another to say which run he was on so I know which part of the country he be in.

Another to say he was loaded and leaving the depot.

Couple hours later get a call to say hi and tell hows shift is going ie on time. Roads crap etc

I text to say when off to bed he calls backs to say night this varis if I cant sleep etc. If Im up when he finishes I get text to say hes leaving depot.

I like it the same happens if I am working and hes not I tx on my break. Moan about work or such like.

When he or me come home we chit chat and bath then bed within a hour. When we both work and its very busy like near xmas we chat on phones more as we ate both tried and normaly do 12 hour shifts. So dont see each other much.

I dont see him as needy but as a good friend and dp we like each others company too.

lottiegarbanzo · 27/02/2013 13:06

The goldfish-brain mentality would drive me demented too - does that present itself in other areas of his life? Is he able to concentrate properly on anything? If something is so interesting, why is he unable to remember and relate it that evening?

It's because I am living 'in the moment' that this would really annoy me. When I'm working, I'm working. When I'm enjoying relaxed time with DP, that's what I'm doing. Not discussing, comtemplating or commentating on it, living it. Being interrupted constantly, during either activity, with texts about nothing would really, really irritate me, especially if there was an expectation of a reply.

I would switch my phone off and give the office number to anyone who needs an emergency contact number.

MrsMushroom · 27/02/2013 13:07

Ali tell him to get wittier, ruder or more self reliant then.

Writehand · 27/02/2013 13:08

It would drive me stark staring mad. 10 txts a day? YANBU!

badtasteflump · 27/02/2013 13:09

TBH I find it all a bit . I love my DH dearly and I always look forward to seeing him at the end of the day, but I am absolutely fine going all day without speaking to or texting him. But more to the point - I would like a job where my boss didn't mind me skiving off texting all day Hmm

MrsPnut · 27/02/2013 13:22

I can't think of anything I'd like less. It would make me think that they were the kind of person who can't make any kind of decision without phoning a friend.

My OH can't take his mobile into the office because it's a secure environment so if I need him then I call his desk phone. I called yesterday to ask him to pick up some chips on his way home for dinner and before that I think I called him at work about 3 weeks ago.

If he goes away on business, I generally get a text to say he's arrived in one piece and another to tell me that he's leaving for the airport. The exception to this was last year, he was in the States when it was DD2's birthday and he called her on the day to wish her happy birthday.

badtasteflump · 27/02/2013 13:26

You've just reminded me - last night DH came in from work and presented me with two bottles of milk and three courgettes - I was a bit Confused until I remembered I'd texted him to pick some up for me on the way home four days ago. He'd only just switched his phone on and was feeling all proud he'd actually checked his messages! Hmm

keely79 · 27/02/2013 13:31

YANBU - DH and I rarely communicate during the day (only if we need to arrange something) - we catch up in the evenings. Too busy and he's a teacher so having his phone buzzing wouldn't be a good idea during class!

BambieO · 27/02/2013 13:34

YANBU OP, just tell him you don't like it

Some other posters ABU to say its silly, people can't be working, it's controlling etc, if you don't like it don't do it but don't berate others for speaking to their DP because they are thinking about them. Doesn't mean you can't be working, most people get a lunch break.

If I think about DH I text him or call him to say hi, we haven't run out of conversation yet. If I'm busy I don't.

SayCoolNowSayWhip · 27/02/2013 13:37

DH and I send a couple of texts per day - I'm on mat leave and DC2 is expected any day now. He calls every day at lunch time or I call him.

I like that we think about each other during the day. We're still quite capable of having a conversation at the end of the day! We never run out of things to say to each other.

Maybe some people might find it sickening . Each to their own. And I never get tired of getting a text saying he loves me.

But if you don't like your DH doing it then you have to tell him! Or you'll get all worked up about it and it'll be a much bigger problem.